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- Thread starter NJ-Buckeye
- Start date
Fungo Squiggly
Mortal enemy of all things Bucky
Yahoo Pickem Champ
Former Game Champion
'18 BPCFFB II Champ
'18 Keeper League Champ
Posted in RWSF @ 10:21 this AM:
Posted in Best Jokes @ 4:40 this PM:
Glad to see things are working out today! :cheers:
SanAntonioBuck;817013; said:I could use a couple of shots this morning!
Posted in Best Jokes @ 4:40 this PM:
SanAntonioBuck;817374; said:
Glad to see things are working out today! :cheers:
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SanAntonioBuck
RIP Our Friend and Hero
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to the supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget...."
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget...."
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Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
Q: What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
A: The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
Q: What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
A: The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
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A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya'll from?" The Northern girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where ya'll from, bitch?"
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SanAntonioBuck
RIP Our Friend and Hero
Reporting In On Time
Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. He was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know, Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, Chief.'"
http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/member.php?u=117
Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. He was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know, Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, Chief.'"
http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/member.php?u=117
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Buckeye Buh Nim
Loving the Bucks since 1969
The difference between Heaven and Hell....
Heaven Is Where:
The French are the chefs
The Italians are the lovers
The British are the police
The Germans are the mechanics
And the Swiss make everything run on time
Hell is Where:
The British are the chefs
The Swiss are the lovers
The French are the mechanics
The Italians make everything run on time
And the Germans are the police
Heaven Is Where:
The French are the chefs
The Italians are the lovers
The British are the police
The Germans are the mechanics
And the Swiss make everything run on time
Hell is Where:
The British are the chefs
The Swiss are the lovers
The French are the mechanics
The Italians make everything run on time
And the Germans are the police
Upvote
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OCBucksFan
I won a math debate
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."
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SanAntonioBuck
RIP Our Friend and Hero
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to
convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate
pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING:
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your
area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from.
Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY:
This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE:
This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter it the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it.
No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the
COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will
often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of
The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK ( P.F.N):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of the
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the
stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in
a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON,
or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.
UNCLE TODD:
An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.
Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an inevitable part of
life.
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to
convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate
pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING:
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your
area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from.
Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY:
This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE:
This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter it the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it.
No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the
COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will
often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of
The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK ( P.F.N):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of the
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the
stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in
a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON,
or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.
UNCLE TODD:
An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.
Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an inevitable part of
life.
Upvote
0
OCBucksFan
I won a math debate
One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]1. Open a new file in your computer.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]3. Send it to the trash.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]4. Empty the trash.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]6. Firmly Click "Yes."[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]7. Feel better.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman, Times]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]1. Open a new file in your computer.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]3. Send it to the trash.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]4. Empty the trash.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]6. Firmly Click "Yes."[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]7. Feel better.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman, Times]
[/FONT]
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DGADBTWSOM
Hall of Fame
Best Buckeye;825686; said:[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]1. Open a new file in your computer.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]3. Send it to the trash.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]4. Empty the trash.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]6. Firmly Click "Yes."[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]7. Feel better.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman, Times]
Works just as well with GWB.
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