• New here? Register here now for access to all the forums, download game torrents, private messages, polls, Sportsbook, etc. Plus, stay connected and follow BP on Instagram @buckeyeplanet and Facebook.
"Not a hobby, really, it's more like a necessary way of life", said Coolbreeze. "When you're in the kind of business I'm in, you need to know how to protect yourself. And by 'protect yourself', I mean bustin' a cap in someone's ass, if that's what it takes."

Ed was certain that if he didn't respond to that in the right way he'd probably wind up with a cap in his own ass. "Well", Ed said "I do some pretty dangerous shit myself. Why do you think I'm headed towards Mexico?"

Coolbreeze grinned, and tossed the 12-gauge into the backseat. "So, spill it, Hoss. What kind of dangerous shit are you into?"
 
Upvote 0
*Ed trying to think of something really "hard" to say*

Ed:"I've killed a few people, escaped from a prison"

*Ed hoping that was hard enough for Coolbreeze*


Ed:"BTW why did you shoot that cop back there, are you wanted by the law or something?"
 
Upvote 0
As he cooly blew the llama's head off without really aiming, Coolbreeze turned and smiled at Ed, "I reckon its a little like hand grenades from this distance, close is good enough to do what you need to do when you got a 12-gauge."

Ed couldn't get it out of his mind. They needed a new car and they needed one now. But every car he spotted was foreign made and Ed didn't drive foreign made. He'd drive a guy who robbed American banks and killed American cops but he'd be damned if he'd drive a car made by terrorists...
 
Upvote 0
Ed: "Hey Cool how much money you got there in that bag."

Cool:"I took them for everything, about $250,000, why do you ask"

Ed: "We need to go BUY a new car, can't steal one"

Cool:"Alright, lets find a dealership"

Ed then pulls off on a exit and finds a dealership. Its a big one called "Ricart"

Cool and Ed then get out to look for a new car when a salesperson comes over...
 
Upvote 0
Ed:"We are looking for a new car, got any corvettes"

Salesperson:"Well we sure do, come over here"

Ed looks at the brand new corvette, it costs $52,000, "hey Cool, how you like it"

Cool:"Its nice and fast, we'll take it"

Salesperson:"Ok let me get a financing person over...."

Ed:"Actually we would like to pay in CASH"

Salesperson:"Cash, well ok, lets go fill out the paperwork"

Ed is a little worried, because of them being wanted and them giving out their names.

Coolbreeze fills out the paper work with the name of Ron Mexico.

They ditch the old car and get on the road with their brand new corvette...
 
Upvote 0
"Damn that dude looked just like Jessica Alba" Ed quickly muttered

"Who the fuck is Jessica Alba?" Coolbreeze quickly shot back.

"She used to be Dark Angel.......remember her......she was the hottie chick on Fox?" Ed responded

"Ah.........that name reminds me of my ex wife" Coolbreeze stated....as his face became saddened, he quickly reached into his pocket for a smoke.

"Whats that....Dark Angel?" Ed muttered

"Dark Angel, hell no!! My wife used to dance under the alias of Foxy Ta Ta"
 
Upvote 0
Just then, a smelly little immigrant from India wearing a doctor's robe walked into the showroom, pulling behind him a couple of goats and carrying a large Slurpee.

He then asks the saleman how much trade-in he could get for his goats. He says, "Dey are bery good goats. I call dem 'BuckNutty' and 'Thump'"...
 
Upvote 0
"Cut me some slack, Ed - that was the worst cameo in the history of literature. It had to be done. I mean, shit...we were already on the road, and somehow I got a shot off all the way back to the showroom? ...whatever. How about we just pretend this didn't happen?"

"Fine by me," mumbled Ed, as he threw the 'vette into fifth and hit cruising speed.

There was no shortage of suspicion concerning their payment method back at the dealership. Ed was certain the heat was going to come down on them plenty quick, and with a hell of a lot more force than a single highway pig. His sociopath comrade informed him of the shortage of ammunition, and mentioned that he knew of a place where they could get some more firepower if Ed was, 'up for a challenge.'

"What have we got to lose?"

Coolbreeze navigated the Chevy to a truck stop about fifty miles west of their last stop. It was plenty isolated, and filthy as fuck. Ed had to wonder how places like this came to exist. He imagined walking into the Small Business Association and asking for a loan to start up a greasy spoon shithole in the middle of nowhere to work as a front for illegal firearm sales. Yeah, sure, the pencil pusher would say. No problem. The notion forced a chuckle out of Ed.

"What's so funny?"

"Forget it."

Leaving the shotgun behind, Coolbreeze led Ed into the diner to a pair of seats at the counter. The place was nearly empty, from what Ed could see. Apart from themselves, Ed counted the ugly waitress behind the counter, the freakishly fat cook in the kitchen, and just one other man, sitting several seats away at the other end of the counter. As the waitress approached, Coolbreeze whispered,

"Let me do the talking."

"Don't worry," said Ed, as he turned his attention to the menu.

'Breakfast
Dinner
Special' it read. There were no prices, oddly. He resigned himself to coffee. The waitress had arrived. She really was hideous, this woman. She had that sort of face that people have sometimes, where you have to wonder if their jaw works, or if they have any teeth to speak of. The errant hairs and skin tags did little to help matters. Just then, Cool spoke.

"Two specials."
 
Upvote 0
....The waitress couldn't help herself as she busted out into laughter.

Why in the hell do you have a dick tattooed on your forehead? She asks with a chuckle in her voice.

Cool interupts as she can't control her laughter and is starting to cause a scene amongst the few people in the restruant.

"I said we'll take two specials"

"sorry guys but Guido isn't in yet" The waitress proclaims
 
Upvote 0
"what the fuck you mean guido aint in yet"? cool seethes through his clenched teeth, obviously irritated.

"i mean "GUIDO AINT IN YET, YOU FEATHER BOA WEARIN FREAK"! says the rather homely waitress.

"Listen, you pug fugly bitch, youre talkin to a guy in a feather boa traveling with a man with a tattoo of a cock on his face, you really wanna raise your voice to us"?,"i mean, do we look like some people you wanna fuck with"?, ed reasons with her.
 
Upvote 0
Back
Top