• New here? Register here now for access to all the forums, download game torrents, private messages, polls, Sportsbook, etc. Plus, stay connected and follow BP on Instagram @buckeyeplanet and Facebook.

Ongoing story

Jump to latest Follow Reply
plum diamonds buckeye planet
Sort by date Sort by votes
Luckily for Coolbreeze, Ed had just such a pez dispenser. Coolbreeze asked to have some pez. Ed carefully reached out to give him the dispenser.

Seizing his chance, Coolbreeze threw the dispenser at the gorilla, who was temporarily blinded by the flying candy. Coolbreeze yorked his knife from the gorilla, and stabbed Ed in the throat.

"What did you do that for?" Ed yelled, in agony.

"Never trust a man who needs a pez," Coolbreeze said. He pointed his knife at Guido, and calmly said, "Get me the president, you two-bit criminal mastermind. I've got to bet $20 on the Falcons, tonight."
 
Upvote 0
Ed bled to death on the grimy basement floor, gurgling helplessly like a grounded goldfish. The gorilla, now recovered, snuck up behind Cool and snapped his neck, dropping him like a doll.

Guido blinked, then looked at his hulking sidekick. "Pancakes?"

"Pancakes."
 
Upvote 0
Guido's wife stormed in, yelling. "I've had it with your jokes about me!" The ground shook with the impact her enormous feet made with the floor. Ed thought it was odd that Darth Maul perched atop her shoulder, looking around in curiosity (and yet, he had a blank look in his eyes).

Guido and his wife began yelling in some odd language. Logic told Ed that it must be Russian, given Guido's Italian heritage. But it sounded more like a cross between Japanese, Spanish, and Jim Mora. Guido must have said something really bad, because his wife ran away, crying, and Guido ran after, sounding very apologetic. He ran out of the room, chasing his wife. Just as he left Ed's vision, he heard a sound he'd heard many, many times, but only in movies. And Guido's voice could be heard no more. Ed knew exactly what happened: Darth Maul had killed Guido.
 
Upvote 0
Chapter II

At about the same time, deep within the protective canopy of the surrounding forrest, John put his penis back in his pants.

A heavy set woman of about 35 laid on the ground.

"Yep, Montana has always been good to me." John remarked as he breathed in the cool air. "Guess all good things must come to an end."
 
Upvote 0
Chapter III

Jon "Bon" Jovi ran out of his apartment building, screaming of the fire ants escaping. Police and fire fighters, trained in this type of experience, got together and thought about what type of pizza to order.

When it was all decided that they should just go to get chinese food, they ran into the building to save the dogs and babies from the fire ants. But it was too late, as the queen fire ant had descended from the mountains to lay her eggs in the belly of a phone company representative.
 
Upvote 0
Simple-minded Zurp, a local phone company representative in Montana, found out the hard way that he was to be the victim of the evil fire ant queen. He called up John, the bar tender at the local pub, but he wasn't there. He called his cell phone, and found out that John had just boned the fatest chick ever. "You can brag about your conquest later," Zurp said to John. Right now, I need to borrow your pez dispenser."

"You mean the one that I stole from some loser who called himself 'Coolbreeze'?"

"That's the one," Zurp said, "and get me a picture of that fat chick."
 
Upvote 0
Ed and Cool look in amazement

Cool:"I'll take care of this"

Ed:"No Cool"

Cool:"What did you say?"

Ed:"Let me do it"

Cool:"Ok cool with me"

Without no remorse Ed pulls out one of the hand guns they just bought and blows Damon's brains out.
 
Upvote 0
"That better be the last ridiculously inappropriate cameo, or I swear to Christ, I'm gonna fucking snap."

Cool stayed silent for a moment, then said, "What do you call what you just did?"

"That was not me snapping. This is me snapping." Ed wrenched the knife from the dead man's hand and went to work stripping the face off the marginally talented actor's skull.

"Ed, stop it."

"Calm down - it's gonna be great."

A few minutes later, Ed had his new face, eyelids cut out, stuck atop his old one with the blood and sinew left over.

"Man, Ed. That's fucked up."

"Can you see the tattoo?"

"...uh..."

"Can you see the tattoo or not?"

"...no."

"Fantastic. I guess Guido was right."

Standing in the dusty lot outside the now vacant trailer, the sound of sirens trickled into the men's ears.
 
Upvote 0
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top