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- Thread starter ScriptOhio
- Start date
OregonBuckeye
Semper Fi Buckeyes
Yeah, and I've heard it isn't special. I'm not saying it isn't loud but it isn't up there with Ohio St., Penn St., and Iowa. And yes, having 100,000 as opposed to 80,000 is going to help the noise level. I'd rank Wisconsin fans as 11th classiest in the Big-10 which is being generous.
Sorry about getting off-topic.
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Captain Hindsight
The Hero of the Modern Age
Charlie Weis walked into a bar...
(This is stupid as hell, but I couldn't quit laughing)
Then he sat down, broke a bar stool, and caused a small earthquake when he hit the floor
Then he got up and sat on the next barstool over, which he also broke, thereby causing another earthquake
Then he proceeded to work his way down the bar looking for a stool that could withstand his colossal girth, broke every barstool in the establishment, and caused several more earthquakes in the process
Then, from a standing position, he ate an entire bowl of complementary pretzels
Then he ate an entire bowl of complementary peanuts
Then he ate another bowl of pretzels
Then he ate another bowl of peanuts
Then he ate another bowl of pretzels
Then he ate another bowl of peanuts
Then he ordered and consumed some appetizers: two orders of potato
skins, three orders of jalapeno poppers, and four orders of mozzarella sticks
Then he ordered and consumed dinner: three plates of fettucini Alfredo
complete with six baskets of buttered dinner rolls
Then he ordered and consumed dessert: two pieces of “Death by Chocolate” cake, five pieces of peanut butter cheesecake, a strawberry milkshake, and an entire apple pie (a la mode, of course)
Then he went to the men’s room to torture some undeserving toilet, only to find it impossible to enter due to the fact that the doorway was not six feet wide
Then he reached into his pocket and retrieved the dozen or so butter packets he stole during dinner
Then he opened them up and spread them all over himself
Then, with the help of the lubrication provided by the butter, he squeezed himself into the bathroom
Then he tried unsuccessfully to fit into one of the stalls
Then he decided to use the wider handicapped stall, which he found to be much more accommodating
Then he sat on the toilet, cracked (but luckily did not shatter) the porcelain and caused another earthquake
Then he grabbed the handrail intended for wheelchair users in order to brace himself as the ground shook
Then, before doing his lengthy, unmentionable business, he reached into his jacket and pulled out some reading material- a sports magazine containing the following article:
Volume 1: Charlie Weis
NOTRE LAME arrives with obese 1<SUP>st</SUP> year coach Charlie Weis at the helm to stay, having already been given a baseless contract extension through the year 3000.
Notre Dame came out effectively, passing and running their way to a strong opening drive for which the Buckeye defense had no answer. It took them all of 2:01 to post the game’s first score, a run by Darius Walker. Irish coach Charlie “Tugboat” Weis, whose massive gut somehow managed to spill out over pants that were pulled belly button-high, approved of their early success.
-Charlie Weis will get his stomach stapled again because “nothing seemed to happen the first time”.
-Charlie Weis will have a threesome with a rack of ribs and a peach cobbler.
-Charlie Weis will become obese (Oh, wait, that already happened).
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Hey, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was Charlie Weis over there, and he’s about to sit down for an enormous dinner. I don’t know about you, but I’m curious…
CHARLIE: Alone at last! Oh, my sweet, sweet lasagna, how I’ve missed you. Let’s never be apart again! Just look at you, you delicious meat loaf. Daddy’s gonna eat you up. And you over there, Ms. Pork Chop- you’ve been naughty, haven’t you? Well, I’ll deal with you later. And believe me, it won’t be pretty…
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Let’s get out of here. Some things are even too disgusting for a fly to get near.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
…Charlie Weis has bigger Buddha than Chinese temple
…Charlie Weis same as Chinese soup- both won ton
"Spealing of bad bodies, Charlie Weis, that flabby, pear-shaped garbage disposal of yours is beyond repair. Santa thought long and hard, but eventually came up with the perfect gift for you- a gigantic girdle!”
565= Charlie Weis’s weight
4574= Number of times Charlie Weis thinks about food during a day
6= Pounds of gravy consumed by Charlie Weis in an average meal
4= Number of bypass operations recommended by Weis’s doctor
9= Number of pancakes in the stack Charlie Weis consumes for breakfast each morning (before he starts in on the bacon)
8= Number of layers in the cake he consumes for his post-breakfast dessert
$5000= Amount spent by Charlie Weis last year purchasing Little Debbie snack cakes
63= Number of inches in the circumference of Charlie Weis’s waist
168= Charlie Weis’s resting heart rate
512= Number of Chicken McNuggets eaten by Charlie Weis in a single sitting
513= Charlie Weis’s cholesterol level
3= Number of toilets Charlie Weis clogs each day
Then, in his customary fashion, he clogged the toilet
Then, unable to reach far enough around his saddlebags and back fat to wipe himself, he gave up and pulled his pants over the squishy fecal remnants that still protruded from his anus
Then he flushed and caused the toilet to overflow
Then he slipped in the puddle created by the overflow, soaking himself in toilet water and enveloping himself with human waste
Then he used the handrail to try to get back on his feet, but tore it off in the process
Then he used the toilet to get up, but slipped and gave himself a swirlie
Then he pulled his head out of the toilet, pushed his weight downward, and ripped the toilet off the wall as he miraculously made it to his feet
Then he went back to the bar and proceeded to get completely drunk
Then he hit the dance floor, bouncing fellow patrons off him like pinballs as he jiggled his hideous man boobs
Then he hit on a young lady, who said, “Eeew! No way. You’re like, totally fat!”
Then he hit on another young lady, who said, “Go away. You smell like butt.”
Then he hit on a third young lady, who maced him
Then he threw up all over himself
Then he threw up on an innocent bystander
Then he threw up on the floor
Then he slipped and fell face-first into his vomit pile
Then, after struggling for half an hour, he managed to stand up again
Then, he immediately slipped a second time and fell on top of the man standing next to him
Then he passed out with the man still underneath him
Then, unable to breathe, and with every bone in his body crushed into dust, the man died
Then, the fed-up bartender finally kicked Weis out
Then, a team of eight bouncers, three of whom were seriously injured during the task, rolled his still-unconscious carcass out the door
Then they peeled the deceased customer from between his folds of skin
Then a police cruiser arrived to haul him off to the station
Then the police realized that a simple squad car was nowhere near big enough to fit livestock
Then the police called for the paddy wagon and a hydraulic lift
Then, as they lifted him into the back of the van, all four tires simultaneously flattened
Then they called in the trailer that transports horses for the mounted patrol unit
Then they tried to put him in jail, but found it impossible to fit his flab factory through the entrance of a conventional cell
Then, they were forced to construct a makeshift holding pen in the parking lot with electric fence material from a nearby farm
Then, he woke up, rolled over, grabbed the side of his holding pen, and practically electrocuted himself, which caused the dried-up fecal matter and vomit that covered his skin to liquify and boil, permeating the air with a horrific smell heretofore unrivaled by any smell known to man, and creating a putrid cloud above the area in which he was contained
Then, a flock of geese flew into the noxious cloud and died instantly upon exposure, causing dead geese to fall like rain into the parking lot
Then, he used his state-mandated phone call to order a pizza- a double meat lover’s pizza with extra cheese (which he consumed in less than three minutes)
Then, after a few glorious days without him, his family at last arrived to bail him out
Then, as they walked away, Weis turned to his family and said, “Hey, is anyone else hungry?”
(This is stupid as hell, but I couldn't quit laughing)
Then he sat down, broke a bar stool, and caused a small earthquake when he hit the floor
Then he got up and sat on the next barstool over, which he also broke, thereby causing another earthquake
Then he proceeded to work his way down the bar looking for a stool that could withstand his colossal girth, broke every barstool in the establishment, and caused several more earthquakes in the process
Then, from a standing position, he ate an entire bowl of complementary pretzels
Then he ate an entire bowl of complementary peanuts
Then he ate another bowl of pretzels
Then he ate another bowl of peanuts
Then he ate another bowl of pretzels
Then he ate another bowl of peanuts
Then he ordered and consumed some appetizers: two orders of potato
skins, three orders of jalapeno poppers, and four orders of mozzarella sticks
Then he ordered and consumed dinner: three plates of fettucini Alfredo
complete with six baskets of buttered dinner rolls
Then he ordered and consumed dessert: two pieces of “Death by Chocolate” cake, five pieces of peanut butter cheesecake, a strawberry milkshake, and an entire apple pie (a la mode, of course)
Then he went to the men’s room to torture some undeserving toilet, only to find it impossible to enter due to the fact that the doorway was not six feet wide
Then he reached into his pocket and retrieved the dozen or so butter packets he stole during dinner
Then he opened them up and spread them all over himself
Then, with the help of the lubrication provided by the butter, he squeezed himself into the bathroom
Then he tried unsuccessfully to fit into one of the stalls
Then he decided to use the wider handicapped stall, which he found to be much more accommodating
Then he sat on the toilet, cracked (but luckily did not shatter) the porcelain and caused another earthquake
Then he grabbed the handrail intended for wheelchair users in order to brace himself as the ground shook
Then, before doing his lengthy, unmentionable business, he reached into his jacket and pulled out some reading material- a sports magazine containing the following article:
The Sports Intellectual’s Greatest Hits
Volume 1: Charlie Weis
(from “Redneck Jim Tressel”)
“Heh, heh… Charlie Weis…That sumbitch is fatter’n a hippo ain’t he?”
(from “New Material…Finger Lickin’ Good!!”)
At an all-you-can-eat place, Chuck Weis
Declared as he paid the man thrice
“It’s only fair, son
You’ve a business to run
And besides, food is kind of my vice”
(from “Into The Valley Of The Sun”)
NOTRE LAME arrives with obese 1<SUP>st</SUP> year coach Charlie Weis at the helm to stay, having already been given a baseless contract extension through the year 3000.
(from “A Fiesta of Neutral Journalism”)
Notre Dame came out effectively, passing and running their way to a strong opening drive for which the Buckeye defense had no answer. It took them all of 2:01 to post the game’s first score, a run by Darius Walker. Irish coach Charlie “Tugboat” Weis, whose massive gut somehow managed to spill out over pants that were pulled belly button-high, approved of their early success.
(from various “Nostradumbass” entries)
-Charlie Weis will get his stomach stapled again because “nothing seemed to happen the first time”.
-Charlie Weis will have a threesome with a rack of ribs and a peach cobbler.
-Charlie Weis will become obese (Oh, wait, that already happened).
(from “The Sports Fly”)
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Hey, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was Charlie Weis over there, and he’s about to sit down for an enormous dinner. I don’t know about you, but I’m curious…
CHARLIE: Alone at last! Oh, my sweet, sweet lasagna, how I’ve missed you. Let’s never be apart again! Just look at you, you delicious meat loaf. Daddy’s gonna eat you up. And you over there, Ms. Pork Chop- you’ve been naughty, haven’t you? Well, I’ll deal with you later. And believe me, it won’t be pretty…
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Let’s get out of here. Some things are even too disgusting for a fly to get near.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
(from “Confucius Lives”)
…Charlie Weis has bigger Buddha than Chinese temple
…Charlie Weis same as Chinese soup- both won ton
(from “Psychic Medium Summons Santa”)
"Spealing of bad bodies, Charlie Weis, that flabby, pear-shaped garbage disposal of yours is beyond repair. Santa thought long and hard, but eventually came up with the perfect gift for you- a gigantic girdle!”
(from various “Numbers” entries)
565= Charlie Weis’s weight
4574= Number of times Charlie Weis thinks about food during a day
6= Pounds of gravy consumed by Charlie Weis in an average meal
4= Number of bypass operations recommended by Weis’s doctor
9= Number of pancakes in the stack Charlie Weis consumes for breakfast each morning (before he starts in on the bacon)
8= Number of layers in the cake he consumes for his post-breakfast dessert
$5000= Amount spent by Charlie Weis last year purchasing Little Debbie snack cakes
63= Number of inches in the circumference of Charlie Weis’s waist
168= Charlie Weis’s resting heart rate
512= Number of Chicken McNuggets eaten by Charlie Weis in a single sitting
513= Charlie Weis’s cholesterol level
3= Number of toilets Charlie Weis clogs each day
Then, in his customary fashion, he clogged the toilet
Then, unable to reach far enough around his saddlebags and back fat to wipe himself, he gave up and pulled his pants over the squishy fecal remnants that still protruded from his anus
Then he flushed and caused the toilet to overflow
Then he slipped in the puddle created by the overflow, soaking himself in toilet water and enveloping himself with human waste
Then he used the handrail to try to get back on his feet, but tore it off in the process
Then he used the toilet to get up, but slipped and gave himself a swirlie
Then he pulled his head out of the toilet, pushed his weight downward, and ripped the toilet off the wall as he miraculously made it to his feet
Then he went back to the bar and proceeded to get completely drunk
Then he hit the dance floor, bouncing fellow patrons off him like pinballs as he jiggled his hideous man boobs
Then he hit on a young lady, who said, “Eeew! No way. You’re like, totally fat!”
Then he hit on another young lady, who said, “Go away. You smell like butt.”
Then he hit on a third young lady, who maced him
Then he threw up all over himself
Then he threw up on an innocent bystander
Then he threw up on the floor
Then he slipped and fell face-first into his vomit pile
Then, after struggling for half an hour, he managed to stand up again
Then, he immediately slipped a second time and fell on top of the man standing next to him
Then he passed out with the man still underneath him
Then, unable to breathe, and with every bone in his body crushed into dust, the man died
Then, the fed-up bartender finally kicked Weis out
Then, a team of eight bouncers, three of whom were seriously injured during the task, rolled his still-unconscious carcass out the door
Then they peeled the deceased customer from between his folds of skin
Then a police cruiser arrived to haul him off to the station
Then the police realized that a simple squad car was nowhere near big enough to fit livestock
Then the police called for the paddy wagon and a hydraulic lift
Then, as they lifted him into the back of the van, all four tires simultaneously flattened
Then they called in the trailer that transports horses for the mounted patrol unit
Then they tried to put him in jail, but found it impossible to fit his flab factory through the entrance of a conventional cell
Then, they were forced to construct a makeshift holding pen in the parking lot with electric fence material from a nearby farm
Then, he woke up, rolled over, grabbed the side of his holding pen, and practically electrocuted himself, which caused the dried-up fecal matter and vomit that covered his skin to liquify and boil, permeating the air with a horrific smell heretofore unrivaled by any smell known to man, and creating a putrid cloud above the area in which he was contained
Then, a flock of geese flew into the noxious cloud and died instantly upon exposure, causing dead geese to fall like rain into the parking lot
Then, he used his state-mandated phone call to order a pizza- a double meat lover’s pizza with extra cheese (which he consumed in less than three minutes)
Then, after a few glorious days without him, his family at last arrived to bail him out
Then, as they walked away, Weis turned to his family and said, “Hey, is anyone else hungry?”
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How many times do you figure ND is going to win the Super Bowl? Zero? Ah... that's what I thought.
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The Carolina Panthers should be an offensive juggernaut next season thanks to Charlie....
From the Charlotte Observer June 1st
Weis, Irish staff share info with Panthers
Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis and his staff are in Charlotte this week to exchange information with Panthers coaches and to attend Carolina's minicamp.
Weis said after Wednesday morning's practice that he and close friend John Fox, the Panthers' coach, planned the time together several months ago.
"When you're coaching in college, you don't share with a college coach; and when you coach in the pros, you don't share with a pro coach," Weis said.
"This is an ideal situation. A lot of things we do and a lot of things they do are the same. ... It's a good marriage where we can try to solve some problems and share some information without passing it on to (another) NFL team or college team."
Fox and Weis have been getting together away from football with their families for years. Fox considered hiring Weis as the Panthers' offensive coordinator in 2002 before Weis decided to stay with the New England Patriots.
Weis helped Tom Brady become one of the NFL's best quarterbacks in New England, and has a new star protege in rising Irish senior Brady Quinn, the early favorite to be next year's No. 1 NFL draft pick.
"He's got all the tools," Weis said of Quinn. "We'll just see how he develops. He's pretty good right now. The reason he came back for another year (instead of turning pro) was to see if he can be seasoned one more year, make sure he's not a one-year wonder, then go on and have himself a nice (NFL) career."
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From the Charlotte Observer June 1st
Weis, Irish staff share info with Panthers
Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis and his staff are in Charlotte this week to exchange information with Panthers coaches and to attend Carolina's minicamp.
Weis said after Wednesday morning's practice that he and close friend John Fox, the Panthers' coach, planned the time together several months ago.
"When you're coaching in college, you don't share with a college coach; and when you coach in the pros, you don't share with a pro coach," Weis said.
"This is an ideal situation. A lot of things we do and a lot of things they do are the same. ... It's a good marriage where we can try to solve some problems and share some information without passing it on to (another) NFL team or college team."
Fox and Weis have been getting together away from football with their families for years. Fox considered hiring Weis as the Panthers' offensive coordinator in 2002 before Weis decided to stay with the New England Patriots.
Weis helped Tom Brady become one of the NFL's best quarterbacks in New England, and has a new star protege in rising Irish senior Brady Quinn, the early favorite to be next year's No. 1 NFL draft pick.
"He's got all the tools," Weis said of Quinn. "We'll just see how he develops. He's pretty good right now. The reason he came back for another year (instead of turning pro) was to see if he can be seasoned one more year, make sure he's not a one-year wonder, then go on and have himself a nice (NFL) career."
<!-- end body-content -->
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sandgk
Watson, Crick & A Twist
Took him a while, but here he does clearly state that he had not got ND in top shape for the tilt in the Fiesta Bowl.
LINK
Now, all Weis need say is that he would have been better off without 6 weeeks to prepare (or that he was out-coached, or that the Buckeyes were simply better prepared, better coached and more athletic). But, I won't hold my breath.
LINK
"little flat" :tongue2:
Now, all Weis need say is that he would have been better off without 6 weeeks to prepare (or that he was out-coached, or that the Buckeyes were simply better prepared, better coached and more athletic). But, I won't hold my breath.
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NOTREDAMECHIEF
Legend
Took him a while?? CW said in the press conference after the game that OSU was the better team.
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