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Tiger Woods (Offical Thread)

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From "Radar":

One of those emails to Rachel leaking into public this week says: "I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. Why didn't we find each other years ago?"
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I just thought of something.

I have been sending obscene pictures and messages to Michelle Obama. They can't trace those can they?
 
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Oh8ch;1617209; said:
From "Radar":



I just thought of something.

I have been sending obscene pictures and messages to Michelle Obama. They can't trace those can they?
Click to expand...


Nah. Don't worry. The racier the better. Don't forget to sign your name, "In love and lust, Charlie Weis."

Be sure to keep us updated on developments in your life. :rofl:
 
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One of those emails to Rachel leaking into public this week says: "I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. Why didn't we find each other years ago?"
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Well done Tiger. You won't get head saying "You're a little chunkier in person than in your porn films...", but then Tiger was educated at a good university, so I'd expect that of him.
 
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OSUsushichic;1617161; said:
Fox News reports that Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren may leave the country and move closer to Sweden to escape the media spotlight. A source said that the pair could move "very soon," and "possibly to a private island." This follows reports that Nordegren bought a house in Sweden two weeks ago.
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Maybe he should buy an offshore oil rig, adapt it for residential living, and declare it to be his own country. I've always kind of wanted to do that but lack the necessary financial resources.
 
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BigWoof31;1617184; said:
You're assuming that angry women are creatures of logic.
ULTIMATE FAILURE
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:lol:

No, been married far too long to make that assumption. Just commenting on how he wasn't the only one who just lost an ass load of money by [dr evil pinky thing] blowing his top[/dr evil].
 
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Gatorubet;1617293; said:
Well done Tiger. You won't get head saying "You're a little chunkier in person than in your porn films...", but then Tiger was educated at a good university, so I'd expect that of him.
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Too bad that education at a good university didn't help him with basics like do not leave voice mail for one of your mistresses and do not text another mistress.

Now that Cheetah is well onto the back 9, I would like to offer him the following fool-proof two-part program to make this PR nightmare turn in his favor and eventually be a big win for him.

Step 1: Say that you have a big problem, a sex addiction problem. Doesn't matter if you do or do not, just say it. Talk in depth about how you really need help to get this addiction under control. For a sizable portion of this country, this will now be viewed as you had a problem...an addiction....it wasn't really your fault.

Step 2: After some time has passed, then announce that you have found God. Talk about how Jesus helped you deal with your addiction, how you ask the Lord every day to guide you and help you with your problem. Doesn't matter if you have or haven't. For another sizable portion of this country....the ones who can relate to that "stuff"....you are now golden.

Now to make the buckiprof 2 step plan work for Cheetah, he will no longer be able to swear like a sailor on the course. If he finds that that is too difficult, maybe he could add a Step 3 and talk about his battle with Tourette's.:biggrin:
 
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Step 3: Have a woman of color come forward and add her name to the list. Even if she doesn't belong on the list, find one and pay her to say she belongs on the list. And for God's sake make sure this one is hot.
 
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This picture begs for a caption contest. :lol:

tiger--300x450.jpg
 
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More of Tiger Woods' text messages, these to mistress Jaimee Grubbs, have surfaced. Check them out below.

July 20, 3:04 p.m.
Tiger: Hey Sexy I can't come out this week. Something came up family wise
Jaimee: That's okay I hope everything is fine ? would have liked to see you
Tiger: We will make it happen

July 26, 11: 22 p.m.
Jaimee: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a present for there birthday
Tiger: what kind of present your naked body
Jaimee: haha no a watch I slept alone
Tiger: alone with him that is
Jaimee: haha I wish

Sept. 27, 6:38 p.m.
Jaimee: miss u
Tiger: now that's hot so who is your new boy toy
Jaimee: no new boy toy ? still running dry? been on 2 real dates in the pat 2 months :(
Tiger: I need you
Jaimee: then get your tight ass over here and visit me! I need u
Tiger: I will wear you out soon
Jaimee: how soon? I got a new piercing
Tiger: really. Where
Jaimee: I just sent u a pic of it ? is on my cheek below my eye ? implanted a little diamond
Tiger: send it again. I didn't pick up on that
Tiger: you just need some attention from me
Tiger: do you have a boy friend (8:45 p.m.)
Jaimee: I don't even have someone I am dating ? no ? u can be my boyfriend :wink:
Tiger: then I am
Jaimee: I wish
Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid

Sept. 30, 3:38 p.m.
Jaimee: if we hang out on a Sundway we can watch desperate houswives again haha
Tiger: oh god
Jaimee: take a break from watching boring old golf
Jaimee: I mean the amazing sport of golf :wink:
Jaimee: [more than an hour later] babe I was kidding
Tiger: I know sexy

Oct. 1, 6:06 p.m.
Jaimee: is it orange county time yet?
Tiger: oh stop :)
Jaimee: hahaha I know ? but you canceled on me last time so the anticipation is killing me ? im finding myself watching sports center ? haha j/k it isn't that bad
Tiger: its never been that bad
Jaimee: very true ? I only watch football
Tiger: Figured you would say that. Big black guys.
Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special
Tiger: why do I not believe that?
Tiger: [later, in response to Jaimee's mention of a date who was "full of himself"] you kinda like that for some reason which is weird why you decided on me.
Tiger: having an asian mother and a military father you cannot and will not ever be full of yourself
Jaimee: I have fun with u, you always make me smile and I am not afraid to be myself or say anything to u ? the day I met u I thought u were going to kick me out a few times but for someone reason you didn't and u have told me numerous times I talk to much but slowly as I get to know u iI think your absolutely amazing
Tiger: you are wrong I'm bone thugs in harmon

Oct. 15, 6:40 p.m.
Jaimee: Something wrong babe?I was excited to sepnd time with u this week
Tiger: I will you Sunda night. Its the only night in which I am totally free but I have to leave at 530 Monday morning to drive up to the valley for an outing for one of my sponsors. See you at 8 pm on Sunday in newport
Tiger: don't text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now

Oct. 18, 3:40 p.m
Tiger: send me something very naughty
Jaimee: some things are worth waiting for lol ? besides im at work
Tiger: go to the bathroom and take it
Jaimee: haha ur too much

Oct. 18, 11:38 p.m.
Jaimee: are u leaving me cause your wife is still in newport :( I am lonely now ? i like falling asleep in your arms
Tiger: sorry baby I just can't sleep. Its just a problem I have.
Tiger: she is not here. They left this morning
Jaimee: well I appreciate you not wanting to wake me up but if y couldn't sleep I would have rather sat up and talked to u more ? find out why I keep falling more and more for u :wink:
Tiger: Because I'm blasian :)
Tiger: I'm sorry babe. Im already home.
Jaimee: I'm putting my underwear back on ? thats a no no ? come take them off
Tiger: :) you are too funny

Nov. 26, 11:16 a.m.
Tiger: happy thanksgiving to you
Jaimee: u too love​
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Sound like a couple of morons...​
 
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