• Follow us on Twitter @buckeyeplanet and @bp_recruiting, like us on Facebook! Enjoy a post or article, recommend it to others! BP is only as strong as its community, and we only promote by word of mouth, so share away!
  • Consider registering! Fewer and higher quality ads, no emails you don't want, access to all the forums, download game torrents, private messages, polls, Sportsbook, etc. Even if you just want to lurk, there are a lot of good reasons to register!

Best Jokes

Jump to latest Follow Reply
Sort by date Sort by votes

The church organist,​
Was in her eighties​
And had never been married. She was
admired for her sweetness​
And kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor​
Came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room.​
She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared tea...​
As he sat facing her old Hammond
organ,​
The young minister​
Noticed a cut glass
bowl Sitting on top of it.​
The bowl was filled​
​
With water, and in the
water
Floated, of all things, a
condom!​
When she returned​
With tea and
scones,​
They began to chat.​
The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity​
About the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
resist.​
'Miss Beatrice ' , he said,​
'I wonder if you would tell me about
this? '​
Pointing to the bowl.​
'Oh, yes, ' she replied, ' Isn ' t it
wonderful?​
I was walking through​
The Park a few months ago​
And I found this little package on the
ground.​
The directions said​
To place it on the organ,​
Keep it wet and that it would prevent
the spread of disease.. Do you know I haven ' t had the flu all winter.​
 
Upvote 0
[FONT=&quot]A Jewish congregation in suburban Boston honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed. She greets the Rabbi with, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you." [/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple and shouts, "Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this."[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]The Rabbi turns to her and asks, "where are you going? I'm not angry with you."[/FONT]​
 
Upvote 0
Not a joke.. a fact... but this is as good as any thread for it

Four consecutive stops (towns) on the old Reading Railroad line in PA... been in and thru all of them along PA turnpike

Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise and Climax

PA also has Beaver and Virginville
 
Upvote 0
NJ-Buckeye;1566062; said:
Four consecutive stops (towns) on the old Reading Railroad line in PA... been in and thru all of them along PA turnpike

Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise and Climax

PA also has Beaver and Virginville
Click to expand...

Just outside of Detroit on I-75 is exit #69, the name of the road Big Beaver Road.....:biggrin:
 
Upvote 0
The Cowboy

> > In a posh theater outside of Houston, an usher noticed a big Texas
> > cowboy sprawled over three seats.
> >
> > "excuse me sir, but you're allowed only one seat".. to which the cowboy
> > only grunted.
> >
> > Feeling the man was drunk, the usher left and returned with the
> > manager. Together they could not convince the cowboy to sit up. They
> > then returned with a Texas Ranger.
> >
> > The Ranger assessed the situation and said "Sir! what is your name?"
> > the cowboy answered "Fred", barely moving.
> >
> > The Ranger then said "Fred! where ya from?"
> >
> > The cowboy groaned..... ...... "the balcony"...
 
Upvote 0
God visits a Nazi, a Communist, and a Jew, offering to grant each one wish.

Nazi says: "My wish is to exterminate all Communists on earth."

Communist says: "My wish is to exterminate all Nazis on earth."

Jew sits quietly. God says, "Have you decided yet? We don't have all day, here."

Jew says: "I think if you grant these two men their wishes, I would just like nice cup coffee."
 
Upvote 0
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: A half-gallon of 2% milkA carton of eggsA quart of orange juiceA head of romaine lettuceA 2 lb. can of coffee1 lb. package of bacon As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunkstanding behind me watched as I placed the items in front of thecashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by thederelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularlyunusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my=20marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you'reabsolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
 
Upvote 0
Forgive Your Enemies

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies". Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. This time about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs.Jones?" inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," she replied smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three." she replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?"

Mrs. Jones tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived the bitches!" .
 
Upvote 0
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top