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Best Jokes

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I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get one of those girls you see advertised in phone books when you're calling for a cab.

I had grabbed a woman's card when I called a cab to take me from the airport to the hotel. It was an ad for a girl named Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long, wavy hair, long graceful legs that went all the way up to her firm, shapely butt. So I'm in my room and figure, "What the hell, I'll giver her a call."

"Hello?" the woman says. Gawd, she sounded sexy.

"Hi," I began. "I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot and I want it now! I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, wear a strap-on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream - anything you want, baby. Now, how does that sound?"

"That sounds fantastic," she said, "but for an outside line you need to press 9."
 
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GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN ​
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Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa...Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.





THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
 
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Best Buckeye;1573220; said:
"Blue Lick Road"

Correct as it happens to be one of my favorite road names, if not the very top 1.
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You are lucky then as several towns / cities have a Blue Lick Road, with many businesses on said road, using it as part of their name, even, I believe, a Blue Lick Cemetery. <--is this long enough to be a run on? :!

Memphis, Indiana has one.
Lima, Ohio has one.
Shepardsville and Louisville, Kentucky have one (I think they share with each at an end of Blue Lick Road.)
 
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There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She liked it so she called up to get some information after hearing the song on the radio and ask the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its about average!"
 
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Guys, just a reminder: the title of this thread is "Best Jokes." It's not "Random Crappy Jokes."

Unless you have told a joke to multiple family members and had an uproarious response from each of them (which clearly is NOT the case for many recent entries), the joke doesn't belong here.

That is all.
 
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MaxBuck;1574224; said:
Guys, just a reminder: the title of this thread is "Best Jokes." It's not "Random Crappy Jokes."

Unless you have told a joke to multiple family members and had an uproarious response from each of them (which clearly is NOT the case for many recent entries), the joke doesn't belong here.

That is all.
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Maybe a "Mildly Amusing Jokes" thread is in order.
 
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MaxBuck;1574224; said:
Guys, just a reminder: the title of this thread is "Best Jokes." It's not "Random Crappy Jokes."

Unless blah blah blah, the joke doesn't belong here.

That is all.
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Split the thread. Pull the non-jokes out of here and put them in a Joke Commentary thread. Pull the political jokes that don't receive reputation points out and put them in the Political Joke thread. Pull the remainder of the jokes that don't receive reputation points out and put them in the Random Crappy Joke thread.

- and name it the so-so joke thread, or the random joke thread - leave the "crappy" out.
 
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MightbeaBuck;1574314; said:
Split the thread. Pull the non-jokes out of here and put them in a Joke Commentary thread. Pull the political jokes that don't receive reputation points out and put them in the Political Joke thread. Pull the remainder of the jokes that don't receive reputation points out and put them in the Random Crappy Joke thread.

- and name it the so-so joke thread, or the random joke thread - leave the "crappy" out.
Click to expand...

I guess it's the science of it all that overwhelms me.
 
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MightbeaBuck;1574314; said:
Split the thread. Pull the non-jokes out of here and put them in a Joke Commentary thread. Pull the political jokes that don't receive reputation points out and put them in the Political Joke thread. Pull the remainder of the jokes that don't receive reputation points out and put them in the Random Crappy Joke thread.

- and name it the so-so joke thread, or the random joke thread - leave the "crappy" out.
Click to expand...
But only on every other Tuesday in a month following a month with an "R".
 
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MaxBuck said:
Guys, just a reminder: the title of this thread is "Best Jokes." It's not "Random Crappy Jokes."

Unless you have told a joke to multiple family members and had an uproarious response from each of them (which clearly is NOT the case for many recent entries), the joke doesn't belong here.

That is all.
Click to expand...
isn't there a clause where once a joke gets told 100 times it can stay in the thread? if so, no need to move any posts.
 
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omments made by patients while having colonoscopies performed.

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of them all:
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."
 
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