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Why will you go to hell?

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A man is sent to hell and meets Satan. Satan explains that he has 3 choices on how to spend eternity. The first room he sees has people suspended from the ceiling while their backs are scorched by hot coals. The second room has a group of people buried up to their necks while all varieties of bugs crawl over their faces. The third has a group of people standing in a room of sewage up to their ankles...they are all drinking coffee. The man tells Satan that he will definitely take the sewage room. Satan says that will be fine and then tells the group, "Coffee break is over boys, back on your heads."

There is your bad joke for monday morning.
 
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Hell or Heaven?

You don't have to worry.
You are either healthy or sick,
If you are healthy, you have nothing to worry about.
If you are sick, you are either going to get better or you die.
If you get better, you have nothing to worry about.
If you die, you will either go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about.
If you go to hell you will be to busy saying hi to all your friends to have time to worry.
 
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[SIZE=+1]Taoism[/SIZE]
Shit happens.
[SIZE=+1]Buddhism[/SIZE]
If shit happens, it's not really shit.
[SIZE=+1]Islam[/SIZE]
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
[SIZE=+1]Protestantism[/SIZE]
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
[SIZE=+1]Judaism[/SIZE][SIZE=+1] [/SIZE]
Why does this shit always happen to us?
[SIZE=+1]Hinduism[/SIZE]
This shit happened before.
[SIZE=+1]Catholicism[/SIZE]
Shit happens because you're bad.
[SIZE=+1]Hare Krishna [/SIZE]
Shit happens rama rama.
[SIZE=+1]T.V. Evangelism [/SIZE]
Send more shit.
[SIZE=+1]Atheism[/SIZE]
No shit.
[SIZE=+1]Jehova's Witness [/SIZE]
Knock knock, shit happens.
[SIZE=+1]Hedonism[/SIZE]
There's nothing like a good shit happening.
[SIZE=+1]Christian Science [/SIZE]
Shit happens in your mind.
[SIZE=+1]Agnosticism[/SIZE]
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
[SIZE=+1]Rastafarianism[/SIZE]
Let's smoke this shit.
[SIZE=+1]Existentialism[/SIZE]
What is shit anyway?
[SIZE=+1]Stoicism[/SIZE]
This shit doesn't bother
 
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Hell exists. Or rather, it can be created. It's different for every person. For me, it would require being abducted by Mexicans and thrown into a dark, filthy and perpetually damp utility closet in which there would be no room to lay down. Stray cats would be rotated in and out and instructed to scratch my legs and urinate on the wounds. My eyelids would be stapled to my eyebrows, and Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin would be shown on panoramic screens placed at every conceivable angle with the sound trumpeting in at near-deafening levels. This would go on until I collapsed from exhaustion, at which point I would be nursed back to health by Scarlett Johansson. Any acknowledgement of her presence whatsoever on my part would result in an immediate return to the closet. Presuming medical technology advanced sufficiently during my time there, they would take every measure possible to keep me alive and awake forever and ever.

Oh, and I would only be fed peanut butter sandwiches with no milk.
Click to expand...


Oh GOD the agony! I thought it was no problem until that part! :sick1:
 
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I purposely and covertly planned for my wife to go out this weekend with a hot friend of hers knowing that.

A. A bunch of meatheads would be in town that would buy them all the drinks they want.

B. Their both wild when their drunk and would probably end up making out the whole night.

C. I love it when a plan comes together. Her lips were chapped Saturday morning.

D. I'll tell you in 2 or 3 weeks when I get them drunk at our house together.

E. Anyone have a tiny little hidden cam I can borrow? :sneaky:
 
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