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What Would You Like St. Peter to Say to You Upon Arrival in Heaven

"Even though you've been an anti-religious, apathetic misfit your entire life, and despite the fact that the last time you confessed your sins was during a mandatory confession when you were 13 and went to a private, Catholic grade school, and even though you probably made up 'fake sins' back then for that confession since you were too embarrassed to confess your actual, real sins, or regardless the fact you've laughed at your fellow man because you always believed science directly disproves the Bible and that everything in scripture is a Santa Claus-fairy tale, and maybe all the authors just up-and-died before they got around to telling everyone it was all a work of fiction devised to exert their dominance over the illiterate, uneducated serfs ... well, you see, idiot ... you were wrong!

But, I'll let you in anyway since I'm in a good mood."
 
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