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The Legend of Chuck Norris

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http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris
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http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20060114/en_celeb_eo/18154

Just the Chuck Norris Facts, Ma'am

By Joal Ryan Fri Jan 13, 8:36 PM ET

Here's a true fact about
Chuck Norris facts: Their bearded namesake doesn't really get them. And here's another one: He's okay with that.
ADVERTISEMENT

"Some are funny. Some are pretty far out," Norris said in a recent post on his Website. "Being more of a student of the Wild West than the wide world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it."

"[But] I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously."

To the uninitiated, Chuck Norris facts are statements about the iconic, kung-fu fighting action star that are very likely not at all factual--i.e., "Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one,"--but which sound right because Norris is, after all, an iconic, kung-fu fighting action star who willed Walker, Texas Ranger to live for nine prime-time seasons.

According to the actor's publicist, Jeff Duclos, Norris' favorite Chuck Norris fact is the one about the Boogeyman: "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

According to the Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/chuck/), the people's most popular Chuck Norris fact is the poetically stoic "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."

"Ultimately," Duclos said, "it's very flattering."

The Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator, a descendant of the Random
Vin Diesel Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/vin/), and a precursor of the Random Mr. T Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/t/), has been serving up "Paul Bunyanesque exaggerations" of Norris' powers, as the Washington Post put it, since last summer.

Starting in November, the site became "exponentially popular," mushrooming from 10 million hits to 37 million hits today, according to Ian Spector, who oversees the fact generating empire with the help of the coder known as "Toad King," and the two
NASA employees whose earth-bound interests include a certain former A-Team star.

Spector doesn't really know why the Norris facts took off, drawing much attention from bloggers and emailers.

"I told maybe 10 people about the site," Spector said.

Spector can't even really say why Norris, whose signature movie hits (Missing in Action, Invasion U.S.A., A Force of One) predate the 17-year-old Brown University freshman, became the subject of the Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator, except to explain that when his site asked users which star they wanted to see get the Vin Diesel treatment (
Christopher Walken? Samuel L. Jackson? Lindsay Lohan?), Norris outpolled all comers.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Norris, 65, was cowriting a novel. When he hit the road to promote The Justice Riders, as well as his new tough-guy venture, the World Combat League, he found himself faced with the same question: "Everybody wants to know [about the facts]," Duclos said. "It always comes up."

By New Year's, the Post was weighing in on the phenomenon. Then, late last week, Norris weighed in on the subject himself.

"It's quite surprising," Norris wrote on his Website.

Spector, meanwhile, wasn't surprised that Norris opted not to go Delta Force on his computational biology-studying student body. "Had he or the other people on [Norris'] site been upset," he said, "I think I would have heard from them sooner."

Spector almost came face-to-feed with Norris last Monday, when both were booked as guests on CNBC's The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch. Norris was in the main studio; Spector, wired up to appear via live remote. But as bad timing would have it, Spector's segment got cut. The camera never cut to him; the virtual confab never happened.

Said a non-embittered Spector: "It was an interesting experience."

While the Web hits keep coming, Spector is already looking ahead--to a new site, and maybe to a new subject.

Random
Steven Seagal facts, anyone?
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- You can lead a horse to water. Chuck Norris can make him drink.

- If Chuck Norris was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your life.

- Every time you &@$%&#$@%e Chuck Norris kills a terrorist. Not because you &@$%&#$@%ed, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Chuck Norris is, in fact, still alive.

- Chuck Norris once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

- Chuck Norris was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Chuck Norris.

- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair fight.

- Chuck Norris killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.

- Chuck Norris doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

- Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

- Chuck Norris's favourite colour is severe terror alert red. His second favourite colour is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

- If Chuck and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Chuck would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Chuck Norris does not feel like carrying you.

- When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Chuck Norris !&$%ing hates lemonade.

- When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

- Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

- The quickest way to a man's heart is through Chuck Norris's gun.

- Chuck Norris can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

- Chuck Norris is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

- People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris.

- It would only take 1 bullet for Chuck Norris to kill 50 Cent.

- Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

- Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.

- Simon Says should be renamed to Chuck Norris Says because if Chuck Norris says something then you better !&$%ing do it.
 
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IronBuckI said:

- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your life.

- Every time you &@$%&#$@%e Chuck Norris kills a terrorist. Not because you &@$%&#$@%ed, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Chuck Norris is, in fact, still alive.

- Chuck Norris once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

- Chuck Norris was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Chuck Norris.

- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair fight.
Click to expand...

Those six in a row had me nearly suffocated.
 
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IronBuckI said:
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Chuck Norris does not feel like carrying you.

- When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Chuck Norris !&$%ing hates lemonade.

- When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

- Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

- The quickest way to a man's heart is through Chuck Norris's gun.

- Chuck Norris can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Click to expand...

I had a stomach ache from laughing after these 7 in a row.
 
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Helen Keller is an example of someone Chuck Norris let off easy.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
The Earth doesn't revolve. It's just trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
 
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