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- Thread starter daddyphatsacs
- Start date
ScarletBlood31
Buckeye in Blacksburg
Where do you guys come up with this stuff?
Nevermind... just clicked on the link.
I just clicked the link and used it for that last post of mine. I usually make up my own, such as this next one.......
Chuck Norris gave a bottle of asprin a headache.
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ScarletBlood31
Buckeye in Blacksburg
Chuck Norris is really the one who gave Harry Potter his scar.
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Chuck Norris likes his women like he likes his whiskey.... 12 years old and mixed with coke!
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scarletandgrey
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
you better hope that Chuck Doesn't read this
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bigtenbadboy
3rd Rate Lurker
Chuck Norris puts on his pants via a pressurized denim spray can.
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ScarletBlood31
Buckeye in Blacksburg
Chuck Norris caused the Big Bang with one swift roundhouse kick.
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aurorabuckeye13
Heisman
Was watching some other funny clips on the site and I happened to stumble across some Conan O'Brien clips with Walker... pretty good stuff. They should be the 6 at the top of the page.
http://www.thatvideosite.com/0-1-2-2-0-0.html
http://www.thatvideosite.com/0-1-2-2-0-0.html
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0
Watch out Chuck Norris! You've got company:
http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty
<TABLE><THEAD><TR><TH>Fact</TH><TH># of Votes</TH><TH>Rating</TH></TR></THEAD><TFOOT><TR><TH>Fact</TH><TH># of Votes</TH><TH>Rating</TH></TR></TFOOT><TBODY><TR><TD>Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.</TD><TD>212</TD><TD>9.89</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T was the first to kill two birds with one stone. He kept the stone, and as of now it has killed 6,048.</TD><TD>55</TD><TD>9.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>The Mr. T is the first and only person to pity fools professionaly. </TD><TD>150</TD><TD>9.85</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr T. builds houses for the homeless made of asbestos. Mr. T pities fools with mesothelioma.</TD><TD>172</TD><TD>9.81</TD></TR><TR><TD>Bill Cosby did not create Fat Albert, Mr. T did so he could pity fat people.</TD><TD>54</TD><TD>9.65</TD></TR><TR><TD>Popular myth has it that God created the universe in six days and rested on the seventh. In reality… It took God six days to create Mr. T. Mr. T took pity on God and had him rest while he finished. Mr. T then pitied the Universe into existence in less than a second, thus allowing him to enjoy the day off with God. </TD><TD>66</TD><TD>9.62</TD></TR><TR><TD>You can pity some of the fools all of the time, and all of the fools some of the time, but Mr.T always pities all of the fools... and then eats them with utensils made of justice and a side of sweet, sweet vengeance.</TD><TD>85</TD><TD>9.61</TD></TR><TR><TD>The last person who looked at Mr. T was Ray Charles.</TD><TD>322</TD><TD>9.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>At the end of every rainbow is Mr. T. It is another way for Mr. T to pity fools. Everyone knows Mr. T ate the leprechaun.</TD><TD>297</TD><TD>9.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T invented the decathalon as a way to make rollerblading more interesting for himself.</TD><TD>140</TD><TD>9.23</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can smell some things up to six miles away.</TD><TD>320</TD><TD>9.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr. T was bored, he pitied the imaginary number i into the set of real numbers.</TD><TD>66</TD><TD>8.91</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is the only person who knows how to pronounce the exclamation mark</TD><TD>154</TD><TD>8.77</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T captured all 150 Pokemon. He keeps them in cages in his van.</TD><TD>167</TD><TD>8.77</TD></TR><TR><TD>Gary Coleman met an early death when Mr. T ate him, mistaking him for a Ho-Ho.</TD><TD>175</TD><TD>8.71</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is the only person in history to have a letter of the alphabet named after him. All languages were subsequently changed to incorporate the letter T, which led each one to become infinitely better. </TD><TD>205</TD><TD>8.71</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once punched himself in the face, he wont even tell us what happened. He can't even remember what happened!</TD><TD>292</TD><TD>8.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T does not flirt, he folds his arm and smiles. Women within 50 feet of him are immediately inseminated.</TD><TD>139</TD><TD>8.63</TD></TR><TR><TD>Some believe that Mr. T. is unintelligent because he uses what we believe to be made up words like jibba jabba. However those words are the answers to the most complicated mathematical problems in the universe. Mr. T. has known this his entire life and does not tell anyone because ones brain would implode if you tried to comprehend the question. Mr. T. pities those who try. </TD><TD>170</TD><TD>8.61</TD></TR><TR><TD>The punishment for manslaughter in El Salvador is 35 years of Mr. T's pity without parole. </TD><TD>142</TD><TD>8.52</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T uses e before i as he pleases.</TD><TD>156</TD><TD>8.47</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mathematicians discovered the concept of infinity while observing Mr. T lift weights.</TD><TD>192</TD><TD>8.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T refuses to vote in presidential elections until knife eating becomes a requirement for candidates.</TD><TD>367</TD><TD>8.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T has won every lottery he's entered... even without the winning ticket.</TD><TD>214</TD><TD>8.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>On the 0th day, Mr. T created God. Then made God do the rest of the work while Mr. T pitied him.</TD><TD>184</TD><TD>8.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>The last time Mr. T and Chuck Norris teamed up, Atlantis sunk.</TD><TD>145</TD><TD>8.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can rip a Yellow pages in half with his bare testicles.</TD><TD>176</TD><TD>8.37</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T does not have dinner parties. The one and only dinner party he had he served mohawks of fury and double fists of pain.</TD><TD>166</TD><TD>8.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T was actually the boss character at the end of Street Fighter II, but all characters died as soon as Mr. T crossed his arms and nodded his head.</TD><TD>172</TD><TD>8.32</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool.</TD><TD>135</TD><TD>8.3</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T killed Tupac over a bag of Cheetos.</TD><TD>286</TD><TD>8.3</TD></TR><TR><TD>50 cent originally called himself the T-unit so Mr. T found the punk on the street and threw nine bullets into him.</TD><TD>294</TD><TD>8.24</TD></TR><TR><TD>One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.</TD><TD>180</TD><TD>8.18</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once ate so much vanilla ice cream that he crapped out Tom Cruise.</TD><TD>419</TD><TD>8.16</TD></TR><TR><TD>Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.</TD><TD>196</TD><TD>8.13</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T eats live hand-grenades to fight off indigestion and acid reflux.</TD><TD>157</TD><TD>8.13</TD></TR><TR><TD>When a germ or infection enters Mr. T's bloodstream, his white blood cells simply stare at it, and it leaves.</TD><TD>128</TD><TD>8.12</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T's gold emits a constant glowing radiance, which he uses to cook hams and cure diabetes.</TD><TD>121</TD><TD>8.12</TD></TR><TR><TD>You can douse Mr. T in gasoline, but it is too frightened of him to ignite. He pities the fuel. </TD><TD>221</TD><TD>8.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now. </TD><TD>112</TD><TD>8.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is very superstitious. Because of this, he tears off the head of any black cat that crosses his path. In fact, he tears off the head of just about any animal that crosses his path. Mr. T can never be too careful.</TD><TD>150</TD><TD>8.07</TD></TR><TR><TD>He who disagrees with Mr. T in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with Mr. T in public, call him an ambulance. </TD><TD>255</TD><TD>8.05</TD></TR><TR><TD>If Mr. T scratches an itch, that itch never itches again.</TD><TD>194</TD><TD>8.04</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T kills lactose intolerant people. Cause only a fool don't drink his 8 cups of milk a day! Mr. T does not make exceptions! Period.</TD><TD>199</TD><TD>8.02</TD></TR><TR><TD>Rub a copy of D.C. Cab and Mr. T will grant you one wish. </TD><TD>175</TD><TD>8</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.</TD><TD>278</TD><TD>7.96</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr.T was the pope, twice</TD><TD>193</TD><TD>7.94</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.</TD><TD>256</TD><TD>7.93</TD></TR><TR><TD>The term "baker's dozen" was created because Mr. T scared the baker so much that he gave him an extra donut. </TD><TD>122</TD><TD>7.92</TD></TR><TR><TD>When asked for his thoughts on vegetarians, Mr. T said: “If god didn’t want us to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of meat…Fool.”</TD><TD>158</TD><TD>7.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.</TD><TD>440</TD><TD>7.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 93 hot dogs, a 72 oz. steak, two pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team". </TD><TD>136</TD><TD>7.83</TD></TR><TR><TD>I was going to make a Random Mr. T Fact, but he pitied me into not doing it.</TD><TD>200</TD><TD>7.8</TD></TR><TR><TD>After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble.</TD><TD>232</TD><TD>7.8</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is hung like a 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy.</TD><TD>115</TD><TD>7.73</TD></TR><TR><TD>"Jibba Jabba" is, in fact, the official language of a small island in the south Pacific. The island's native Fools worship a bronze bust of Mr. T. They pray for pity.</TD><TD>155</TD><TD>7.72</TD></TR><TR><TD>During the first season of American Gladiators, 24 contestants died while attempting to run the Eliminator. The Eliminator was a cardboard cutout of Mr. T.</TD><TD>121</TD><TD>7.69</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T takes a bite out of crime... literally.</TD><TD>159</TD><TD>7.69</TD></TR><TR><TD>If the pity emanating from Mr. T could be harnessed the resulting energy would power the entire Earth for 3 generations. However, the cost of developing and constructing a structure that could withstand and contain such an overwhelming amount of concentrated pity could power the entire Earth for 4 generations.</TD><TD>98</TD><TD>7.68</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you." </TD><TD>377</TD><TD>7.67</TD></TR><TR><TD>50 Cent was once known as “Dollar“. Then he met Mr. T.</TD><TD>381</TD><TD>7.67</TD></TR><TR><TD>A fool made the mistake of shooting at Mr. T. The bullet turned around and blew the fool's head off. </TD><TD>173</TD><TD>7.65</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T currently holds three honorary doctorates from the University of Phoenix on-line. All of them are in "Pain".</TD><TD>177</TD><TD>7.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T does not give a damn about what The Rock is cooking.</TD><TD>64</TD><TD>7.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>Bob Dylan goes knock knock knocking on heaven's door. Mr. T punches through it like Kool-Aid Man.</TD><TD>116</TD><TD>7.63</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once saw someone kick an adorable puppy. Furious at what the man had done, Mr. T unleashed a pity so powerful, it not only liquified the fool, but the puppy gained the ability to speak. This dog now goes by the name Scooby Doo.</TD><TD>103</TD><TD>7.57</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can walk on water. He can also walk on fire. His preference however, is to walk on fools. </TD><TD>268</TD><TD>7.56</TD></TR><TR><TD>Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.</TD><TD>209</TD><TD>7.54</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.</TD><TD>526</TD><TD>7.53</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T killed the radio star.</TD><TD>208</TD><TD>7.5</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr.T kills someone, he eats their soul first.</TD><TD>144</TD><TD>7.49</TD></TR><TR><TD>Brokeback Mountain was originally set to be a fast-paced action movie; but when Mr. T found out he wasn't cast he pitied it so badly it ended up being a movie about gay cowboys.</TD><TD>227</TD><TD>7.48</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can win a game of Chess in one move.</TD><TD>95</TD><TD>7.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Do to a timewarp and a sex change Mr. T is his own father and his own mother. This is because only Mr. T could create something as awesome as Mr. T.</TD><TD>253</TD><TD>7.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.</TD><TD>976</TD><TD>7.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T's feather earing would grant him the power of flight and end world hunger and poverty if he ever used it. The irony of this is that Mr. T is afraid of flying. Sorry, third-world countries.</TD><TD>206</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.</TD><TD>257</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is the only man to dodge Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick, but his hair will never be the same.</TD><TD>120</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>Contrary to popular belief, the corners of the Bermuda Triangle are Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris. Nobody's coming out of there alive.</TD><TD>105</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>The T virus in Resident Evil is based on what happens to a person when they are exposed overwhelming amounts of pity inflicted by Mr. T. There is currently no cure.</TD><TD>169</TD><TD>7.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the planes that killed King Kong, nor beauty, but instead the fear of being pitied by Mr. T.</TD><TD>92</TD><TD>7.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>Since you've refreshed this fact page, Mr. T has pitied 2,439 fools.</TD><TD>150</TD><TD>7.4</TD></TR><TR><TD>Everyone is equal, but Mr. T is more equal than everyone else.</TD><TD>141</TD><TD>7.4</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once released a sex tape. It was only available in widescreen.</TD><TD>105</TD><TD>7.39</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T doesn't actually pity individual fools. He only says that because it is impossible for mere mortals to comprehend his massive ability to pity all things physical at the same time.</TD><TD>88</TD><TD>7.39</TD></TR><TR><TD>In the movie Wizard of OZ, Mr. T rented out his necklaces to make the Yellow Brick Road. It cost 6 midgets and a freaky night with Glenda, the good witch. </TD><TD>84</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass. </TD><TD>183</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.</TD><TD>401</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T was born caesarian. Doctors had nothing to do with it.</TD><TD>112</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>Crossing Mr. T is not the last thing you will ever do. It's the last thing you and everybody within a 20 km radius of you will do as well.</TD><TD>193</TD><TD>7.37</TD></TR><TR><TD>Premise 1: God is infinite forgiveness Premise 2: In order to forgive us, He must first pity us Premise 3: Human folly is universal: we are all fools Premise 4: Mr. T's pities all fools Conclusion: Mr. T is God</TD><TD>264</TD><TD>7.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>Underneath the mohawk lies a gentle and loving man. In front of the man lies the thousands of corpses of his enemies.</TD><TD>284</TD><TD>7.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T heard the saying, "You can't spit on Superman's cape." He decided to try it, but Superman told him the cape was still in the wash from the day before when Mr. T wiped his ass with it. </TD><TD>118</TD><TD>7.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>When in the presence of Mr.T a magic-8-ball ALWAYS predicts PAIN!</TD><TD>176</TD><TD>7.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>Someone once suggested that Mr. T's first name is Pit. His body was found 10 seconds later. The police concluded that he committed suicide by stabbing himself with a Mohawk 389 times, choking himself with a gold chain and by eating both of his own legs. </TD><TD>206</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is slated to star in the hit show formerly known as "Everybody Loves Raymond," which was changed to "Everyone Tolerates Raymond" last season and will now become "Mr. T Pities Raymond."</TD><TD>99</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.</TD><TD>565</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T only has a mohawk because he is regular donor to the Hair Club for Men. He pities hairless fools! </TD><TD>139</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Knowing that no human being was good enough for him to bring down the red carpet at the premier of Rocky III, Mr. T brought his pet anaconda as a guest instead. At least that's who onlookers thought he brought. It turns out Mr. T decided to go totally alone. What was thought to be an anaconda at the time actually turned out to be the worst wardrobe malfunctions in red carpet history.</TD><TD>130</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T's fist colliding with a fool's face can generate the 1.21 gigawatts required to travel through time. This gave rise to the saying, "I'll knock you into last week."</TD><TD>93</TD><TD>7.32</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty
<TABLE><THEAD><TR><TH>Fact</TH><TH># of Votes</TH><TH>Rating</TH></TR></THEAD><TFOOT><TR><TH>Fact</TH><TH># of Votes</TH><TH>Rating</TH></TR></TFOOT><TBODY><TR><TD>Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.</TD><TD>212</TD><TD>9.89</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T was the first to kill two birds with one stone. He kept the stone, and as of now it has killed 6,048.</TD><TD>55</TD><TD>9.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>The Mr. T is the first and only person to pity fools professionaly. </TD><TD>150</TD><TD>9.85</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr T. builds houses for the homeless made of asbestos. Mr. T pities fools with mesothelioma.</TD><TD>172</TD><TD>9.81</TD></TR><TR><TD>Bill Cosby did not create Fat Albert, Mr. T did so he could pity fat people.</TD><TD>54</TD><TD>9.65</TD></TR><TR><TD>Popular myth has it that God created the universe in six days and rested on the seventh. In reality… It took God six days to create Mr. T. Mr. T took pity on God and had him rest while he finished. Mr. T then pitied the Universe into existence in less than a second, thus allowing him to enjoy the day off with God. </TD><TD>66</TD><TD>9.62</TD></TR><TR><TD>You can pity some of the fools all of the time, and all of the fools some of the time, but Mr.T always pities all of the fools... and then eats them with utensils made of justice and a side of sweet, sweet vengeance.</TD><TD>85</TD><TD>9.61</TD></TR><TR><TD>The last person who looked at Mr. T was Ray Charles.</TD><TD>322</TD><TD>9.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>At the end of every rainbow is Mr. T. It is another way for Mr. T to pity fools. Everyone knows Mr. T ate the leprechaun.</TD><TD>297</TD><TD>9.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T invented the decathalon as a way to make rollerblading more interesting for himself.</TD><TD>140</TD><TD>9.23</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can smell some things up to six miles away.</TD><TD>320</TD><TD>9.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr. T was bored, he pitied the imaginary number i into the set of real numbers.</TD><TD>66</TD><TD>8.91</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is the only person who knows how to pronounce the exclamation mark</TD><TD>154</TD><TD>8.77</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T captured all 150 Pokemon. He keeps them in cages in his van.</TD><TD>167</TD><TD>8.77</TD></TR><TR><TD>Gary Coleman met an early death when Mr. T ate him, mistaking him for a Ho-Ho.</TD><TD>175</TD><TD>8.71</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is the only person in history to have a letter of the alphabet named after him. All languages were subsequently changed to incorporate the letter T, which led each one to become infinitely better. </TD><TD>205</TD><TD>8.71</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once punched himself in the face, he wont even tell us what happened. He can't even remember what happened!</TD><TD>292</TD><TD>8.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T does not flirt, he folds his arm and smiles. Women within 50 feet of him are immediately inseminated.</TD><TD>139</TD><TD>8.63</TD></TR><TR><TD>Some believe that Mr. T. is unintelligent because he uses what we believe to be made up words like jibba jabba. However those words are the answers to the most complicated mathematical problems in the universe. Mr. T. has known this his entire life and does not tell anyone because ones brain would implode if you tried to comprehend the question. Mr. T. pities those who try. </TD><TD>170</TD><TD>8.61</TD></TR><TR><TD>The punishment for manslaughter in El Salvador is 35 years of Mr. T's pity without parole. </TD><TD>142</TD><TD>8.52</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T uses e before i as he pleases.</TD><TD>156</TD><TD>8.47</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mathematicians discovered the concept of infinity while observing Mr. T lift weights.</TD><TD>192</TD><TD>8.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T refuses to vote in presidential elections until knife eating becomes a requirement for candidates.</TD><TD>367</TD><TD>8.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T has won every lottery he's entered... even without the winning ticket.</TD><TD>214</TD><TD>8.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>On the 0th day, Mr. T created God. Then made God do the rest of the work while Mr. T pitied him.</TD><TD>184</TD><TD>8.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>The last time Mr. T and Chuck Norris teamed up, Atlantis sunk.</TD><TD>145</TD><TD>8.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can rip a Yellow pages in half with his bare testicles.</TD><TD>176</TD><TD>8.37</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T does not have dinner parties. The one and only dinner party he had he served mohawks of fury and double fists of pain.</TD><TD>166</TD><TD>8.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T was actually the boss character at the end of Street Fighter II, but all characters died as soon as Mr. T crossed his arms and nodded his head.</TD><TD>172</TD><TD>8.32</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool.</TD><TD>135</TD><TD>8.3</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T killed Tupac over a bag of Cheetos.</TD><TD>286</TD><TD>8.3</TD></TR><TR><TD>50 cent originally called himself the T-unit so Mr. T found the punk on the street and threw nine bullets into him.</TD><TD>294</TD><TD>8.24</TD></TR><TR><TD>One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.</TD><TD>180</TD><TD>8.18</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once ate so much vanilla ice cream that he crapped out Tom Cruise.</TD><TD>419</TD><TD>8.16</TD></TR><TR><TD>Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.</TD><TD>196</TD><TD>8.13</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T eats live hand-grenades to fight off indigestion and acid reflux.</TD><TD>157</TD><TD>8.13</TD></TR><TR><TD>When a germ or infection enters Mr. T's bloodstream, his white blood cells simply stare at it, and it leaves.</TD><TD>128</TD><TD>8.12</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T's gold emits a constant glowing radiance, which he uses to cook hams and cure diabetes.</TD><TD>121</TD><TD>8.12</TD></TR><TR><TD>You can douse Mr. T in gasoline, but it is too frightened of him to ignite. He pities the fuel. </TD><TD>221</TD><TD>8.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now. </TD><TD>112</TD><TD>8.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is very superstitious. Because of this, he tears off the head of any black cat that crosses his path. In fact, he tears off the head of just about any animal that crosses his path. Mr. T can never be too careful.</TD><TD>150</TD><TD>8.07</TD></TR><TR><TD>He who disagrees with Mr. T in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with Mr. T in public, call him an ambulance. </TD><TD>255</TD><TD>8.05</TD></TR><TR><TD>If Mr. T scratches an itch, that itch never itches again.</TD><TD>194</TD><TD>8.04</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T kills lactose intolerant people. Cause only a fool don't drink his 8 cups of milk a day! Mr. T does not make exceptions! Period.</TD><TD>199</TD><TD>8.02</TD></TR><TR><TD>Rub a copy of D.C. Cab and Mr. T will grant you one wish. </TD><TD>175</TD><TD>8</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.</TD><TD>278</TD><TD>7.96</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr.T was the pope, twice</TD><TD>193</TD><TD>7.94</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.</TD><TD>256</TD><TD>7.93</TD></TR><TR><TD>The term "baker's dozen" was created because Mr. T scared the baker so much that he gave him an extra donut. </TD><TD>122</TD><TD>7.92</TD></TR><TR><TD>When asked for his thoughts on vegetarians, Mr. T said: “If god didn’t want us to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of meat…Fool.”</TD><TD>158</TD><TD>7.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.</TD><TD>440</TD><TD>7.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 93 hot dogs, a 72 oz. steak, two pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team". </TD><TD>136</TD><TD>7.83</TD></TR><TR><TD>I was going to make a Random Mr. T Fact, but he pitied me into not doing it.</TD><TD>200</TD><TD>7.8</TD></TR><TR><TD>After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble.</TD><TD>232</TD><TD>7.8</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is hung like a 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy.</TD><TD>115</TD><TD>7.73</TD></TR><TR><TD>"Jibba Jabba" is, in fact, the official language of a small island in the south Pacific. The island's native Fools worship a bronze bust of Mr. T. They pray for pity.</TD><TD>155</TD><TD>7.72</TD></TR><TR><TD>During the first season of American Gladiators, 24 contestants died while attempting to run the Eliminator. The Eliminator was a cardboard cutout of Mr. T.</TD><TD>121</TD><TD>7.69</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T takes a bite out of crime... literally.</TD><TD>159</TD><TD>7.69</TD></TR><TR><TD>If the pity emanating from Mr. T could be harnessed the resulting energy would power the entire Earth for 3 generations. However, the cost of developing and constructing a structure that could withstand and contain such an overwhelming amount of concentrated pity could power the entire Earth for 4 generations.</TD><TD>98</TD><TD>7.68</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you." </TD><TD>377</TD><TD>7.67</TD></TR><TR><TD>50 Cent was once known as “Dollar“. Then he met Mr. T.</TD><TD>381</TD><TD>7.67</TD></TR><TR><TD>A fool made the mistake of shooting at Mr. T. The bullet turned around and blew the fool's head off. </TD><TD>173</TD><TD>7.65</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T currently holds three honorary doctorates from the University of Phoenix on-line. All of them are in "Pain".</TD><TD>177</TD><TD>7.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T does not give a damn about what The Rock is cooking.</TD><TD>64</TD><TD>7.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>Bob Dylan goes knock knock knocking on heaven's door. Mr. T punches through it like Kool-Aid Man.</TD><TD>116</TD><TD>7.63</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once saw someone kick an adorable puppy. Furious at what the man had done, Mr. T unleashed a pity so powerful, it not only liquified the fool, but the puppy gained the ability to speak. This dog now goes by the name Scooby Doo.</TD><TD>103</TD><TD>7.57</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can walk on water. He can also walk on fire. His preference however, is to walk on fools. </TD><TD>268</TD><TD>7.56</TD></TR><TR><TD>Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.</TD><TD>209</TD><TD>7.54</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.</TD><TD>526</TD><TD>7.53</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T killed the radio star.</TD><TD>208</TD><TD>7.5</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr.T kills someone, he eats their soul first.</TD><TD>144</TD><TD>7.49</TD></TR><TR><TD>Brokeback Mountain was originally set to be a fast-paced action movie; but when Mr. T found out he wasn't cast he pitied it so badly it ended up being a movie about gay cowboys.</TD><TD>227</TD><TD>7.48</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T can win a game of Chess in one move.</TD><TD>95</TD><TD>7.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Do to a timewarp and a sex change Mr. T is his own father and his own mother. This is because only Mr. T could create something as awesome as Mr. T.</TD><TD>253</TD><TD>7.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.</TD><TD>976</TD><TD>7.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T's feather earing would grant him the power of flight and end world hunger and poverty if he ever used it. The irony of this is that Mr. T is afraid of flying. Sorry, third-world countries.</TD><TD>206</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.</TD><TD>257</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is the only man to dodge Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick, but his hair will never be the same.</TD><TD>120</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>Contrary to popular belief, the corners of the Bermuda Triangle are Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris. Nobody's coming out of there alive.</TD><TD>105</TD><TD>7.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>The T virus in Resident Evil is based on what happens to a person when they are exposed overwhelming amounts of pity inflicted by Mr. T. There is currently no cure.</TD><TD>169</TD><TD>7.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the planes that killed King Kong, nor beauty, but instead the fear of being pitied by Mr. T.</TD><TD>92</TD><TD>7.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>Since you've refreshed this fact page, Mr. T has pitied 2,439 fools.</TD><TD>150</TD><TD>7.4</TD></TR><TR><TD>Everyone is equal, but Mr. T is more equal than everyone else.</TD><TD>141</TD><TD>7.4</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T once released a sex tape. It was only available in widescreen.</TD><TD>105</TD><TD>7.39</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T doesn't actually pity individual fools. He only says that because it is impossible for mere mortals to comprehend his massive ability to pity all things physical at the same time.</TD><TD>88</TD><TD>7.39</TD></TR><TR><TD>In the movie Wizard of OZ, Mr. T rented out his necklaces to make the Yellow Brick Road. It cost 6 midgets and a freaky night with Glenda, the good witch. </TD><TD>84</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass. </TD><TD>183</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.</TD><TD>401</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T was born caesarian. Doctors had nothing to do with it.</TD><TD>112</TD><TD>7.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>Crossing Mr. T is not the last thing you will ever do. It's the last thing you and everybody within a 20 km radius of you will do as well.</TD><TD>193</TD><TD>7.37</TD></TR><TR><TD>Premise 1: God is infinite forgiveness Premise 2: In order to forgive us, He must first pity us Premise 3: Human folly is universal: we are all fools Premise 4: Mr. T's pities all fools Conclusion: Mr. T is God</TD><TD>264</TD><TD>7.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>Underneath the mohawk lies a gentle and loving man. In front of the man lies the thousands of corpses of his enemies.</TD><TD>284</TD><TD>7.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T heard the saying, "You can't spit on Superman's cape." He decided to try it, but Superman told him the cape was still in the wash from the day before when Mr. T wiped his ass with it. </TD><TD>118</TD><TD>7.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>When in the presence of Mr.T a magic-8-ball ALWAYS predicts PAIN!</TD><TD>176</TD><TD>7.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>Someone once suggested that Mr. T's first name is Pit. His body was found 10 seconds later. The police concluded that he committed suicide by stabbing himself with a Mohawk 389 times, choking himself with a gold chain and by eating both of his own legs. </TD><TD>206</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T is slated to star in the hit show formerly known as "Everybody Loves Raymond," which was changed to "Everyone Tolerates Raymond" last season and will now become "Mr. T Pities Raymond."</TD><TD>99</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.</TD><TD>565</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T only has a mohawk because he is regular donor to the Hair Club for Men. He pities hairless fools! </TD><TD>139</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Knowing that no human being was good enough for him to bring down the red carpet at the premier of Rocky III, Mr. T brought his pet anaconda as a guest instead. At least that's who onlookers thought he brought. It turns out Mr. T decided to go totally alone. What was thought to be an anaconda at the time actually turned out to be the worst wardrobe malfunctions in red carpet history.</TD><TD>130</TD><TD>7.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>Mr. T's fist colliding with a fool's face can generate the 1.21 gigawatts required to travel through time. This gave rise to the saying, "I'll knock you into last week."</TD><TD>93</TD><TD>7.32</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
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