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The Legend of Chuck Norris

Here are some I made up. A friend said they were funny. I didn't agree. I think he's a little screwed up in his head. He might say the same about me.

Chuck Norris can kill a man 7 different ways with only a paperclip and
a girl scout cookie. Unfortunately, after he's killed him 7 times,
it's mostly illegal for him to kill him the remaining 2 ways.

Chuck Norris can eat 10 bean burritos from Taco Bell and still kick his own ass.

Chuck Norris doesn't buy his steak at the store. He just looks at a
cow and the cow jumps in the fire.

Chuck Norris once peed for 37 straight days. Several scientists are
working from the belief that it is causing global warming.

This one time at band camp, Chuck Norris shoved a flute up his ass,
and destroyed the band camp, along with 7 different species of worms.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who doesn't envy Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week for four straight years so
that his wife could take a class called "How to defeat Chuck Norris at
Ballroom dancing." She has yet to pass the class
 
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And here's one from another friend's buddy "Nate." I don't know Nate.

Chuck Norris bought an iPod and immediately stuffed 1000 musicians into that tiny little box.

I thought it wasn't funny, so I responded with this:

Chuck Norris bought 1000 iPods and immediately stuffed them into a magician.

Again, a couple people said it was funny. I don't agree.
 
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A few more that I just made up...



Chuck Norris once decided to record his vast range of knowledge and intellect onto one place. We now know this recollection as the Internet.

Chuck Norris once went to a pillow-fight contest when he was 5 years old. There were no survivors.

The Grand Canyon is believed to have been created by a series of dropkicks from Chuck Norris.

A poacher once mistook Chuck Norris and his mane of hair for a lion. Needless to say, he was immediately cremated by Chuck's breath.

Diamonds are the second-hardest rocks in the world, next to Chuck Norris's biceps.

Chuck Norris once farted, thus causing the atmosphere to cloud up, and the Ice Age.
 
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More...



In Freddy Krueger's nightmares, he is running away from Chuck Norris.


Darth Vader is one of Chuck Norris's many aliases.


One day men began to write down every word that Chuck Norris said. You can find all of these writings in the Bible.
 
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OHHHH, I've got one!

Chuck Norris once played a game and he won-ed it a lot by roundhouse kicking something with his beard!

ROFLAMOJ!!!!!11!1!111eleventyone

...

In reality, I'm just a mean person...but come on everyone, we need some creativity here! We owe it to Chuck :lol:
 
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