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Let's hear everyone's M*ch*g*n jokes... (merged)

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An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.

Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!!"

Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."

When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.

Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? You can listen this weekend and hear thousands of assholes sing that song!"​
 
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An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

Chad Henne, broke the silence with a smart-ass remark from the back of the room, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at Henne, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Chad, everyone in here knows that after Saturday, you'll have two options. First, you can write with your other hand. Second, you can ask those three Ohio State linebackers who screwed you all day Saturday to help out."
 
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Llloyd Carr and his wife were enjoying a round of golf at the Muirfield Village course, trying to relax during summer break and get a feel for what makes Columbus what it is. If you haven’t played the course, it is lined with beautiful homes.

Carr’s wife hit a tee shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. <O:p

They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a an old gentleman sitting on the couch, sitting with a scarlet and gray turban on his head. <O:p

The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?" <O:p

"Nope. Someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered. <O:p

The wife asked, "Are you a genie?" <O:p

"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied. <O:p

Carr and his wife agreed on two wishes - one was that he play with a scratch handicap for the rest of his life, as retirement was drawing near, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever, as it was likely that he was not going to get much of a retirement after years of service to the University of Michigan. <O:p

The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!" <O:p

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire." <O:p

Carr and his wife agreed. <O:p

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"

<O:pTo which she responded, "Thirty-three years." <O:p

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" <O:p

To which she replied, "He’s over 60 now." <O:p

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?" <O:p
 
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<TABLE class=tborder cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=6 width="70%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=tcat>vBulletin Message</TD></TR><TR><TD class=panelsurround align=middle>
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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to BUCKEYESTUCKNGA again.
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</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>:lol:
 
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churchsign.jpg
HOW'S THIS?:biggrin:
 
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