Headlines We Would Like To See

[OCBucksFan]

fifY

Brutal, but I laughed

 

[shetuck]

DOJ and ATF agents called in to manage stand-off at branch Barwisian compound in Ann Arbor.

Apostle Morgan Trent falls down in failed attempt to escape being torched by agents.

 

[DaddyBigBucks]

"Auburn, Alabama: Giant sinkhole of raw sewage "...

Newspapers only cover things that have just happened. The above has been true for years, so I edited it to match the appropriate Wikipedia headline.

 

[tugger5000]

"Al Davis fires Al Davis"

Quote: I've transformed the Raiders into the sad punchline of an awful joke. My work here is done, I've enrolled in community college to learn how to make quilts.

 

[FCollinsBuckeye]

ESPN Analysts Praise Ohio State's Suspended 'Tat-5' For Returning in '11

 

[Romanowski]

"Bosh Still Breast Feeds"

 

[scooter1369]

Players get paid to attend Cam Newton/Reggie Bush football camp.

 

[swopes6]

SEC loses bcs championship to Big Ten team 48-7, suddenly realizes the south will not rise again

 

[mercer_buckeye]

Syphilis cause of Mark May's insanity.

Sources: May's illness butt of jokes for years at ESPN.

 

[Saw31]

'Canada Buys M*ch*g*n, plans to pave it over for additional Casino parking'

 

[Jaxbuck]

ND and M*ch*gan team planes collide in midair.
No survivors.
​

Debris falls to earth and kills Ohio High School star during press conference announcing M*ch*gan verbal.


Yadda yadda yadda World Peace yadda yadda yadda Cancer Cured yadda yadda yadda 150 years later government rethinks and forces Southern States out of Union yadda yadda yadda National IQ jumps 50 points yadda yadda yadda.

 

[Zurp]

"No Pants Day" has been Upgraded to "No Pants Week"

Eating Bacon is Healthy, New Research Suggests

Due to Paperwork Mix-Up, Zurp to Become Supreme Emperor of Earth. "Nothing We Can Do to Stop It," World Leaders Say.

 

[exhawg]

ND and M*ch*gan team planes collide in midair.
No survivors.
​

Debris falls to earth and destroys the estate of Lebron James in Miami. Lebron, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh all found dead in the jacuzzi with a large amount of cocaine and anal lube.


Yadda yadda yadda World Peace yadda yadda yadda Cancer Cured yadda yadda yadda 150 years later government rethinks and forces Southern States out of Union yadda yadda yadda National IQ jumps 50 points yadda yadda yadda.

FIFY

 

[Gatorubet]

"NUMBER OF NESWPAPRE ERORS INCREASINGG!"

 

[matcar]

"Matcar win's Powerball; says goodbye to longtime romance with Alba to rekindle flame with Hayak."