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Girlfriend / Dad / Cancer

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Thank you everyone.. I am young and dumb, but smart enough to realize I needed some perspective from those who have "been there & done that" and really do appreciate the responses.

I'm doing most of what's been said - not trying to "fix" things, letting her do things on her time, letting her be when that's what she wants - and then there a good reminders in here on things to keep in mind.

Thank you guys.
 
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People have given you excellent advice, to which I would add a small insight.

Remember that you must maintain your boundaries. This is her loss...her grief. You may feel terrible, but being empathetic and a source of strength means that you can't let yourself be pulled into her grief.

Be there. Be understanding. Be someone to talk to. But, as others have said, be the listener, not the advisor. This is her journey.
 
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I lost my Dad 4 years ago and that was by far the worst time of my life. First time I ever lost someone close to me. I don't think I would have ever gotten through without my girlfriend at the time (she's my wife now). Let's just say I am extremely grateful to have had her there for me.

Just be part of her support network and things will get better. I'm sure she will be as grateful for getting her through a very difficult period.
 
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My condolences to your girlfriend.

I went through something very similar. My mom had colon cancer that was "cured" and returned twice eventually becoming cancer in her liver and lungs.

I turned twenty just before she died.

I don't know about your girlfriend, but I liked the attention I think for a while. I know that sounds bad. I mean I liked people doting a bit. I was fine with it. At a young age you are most concerned about yourself, and most haven't had to take care of others.

It took me months. I don't know, maybe six, before I suddenly broke down. I didn't know why it happened.

Just be there. Let her be selfish if she needs to be (it won't last, she'll become protective, in my experience), and just talk. Talk about anything. No matter why she is talking just talk with her.

And hold her when you sleep. :)

Best of luck friend.
 
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For my 6,000th post - thank you.

Weekend was rough, the plan was for me to go up Saturday - got a call Friday that changed things and went up a day early. She's doing OK with everything for now - it's up & down and I suspect it will be that way for sometime.

I had all kinds of things rolling in the back of my mind that all turned out to be very helpful - things that were given to me here and through PM and I want to give a heartfelt thanks to all of you.
 
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I lost my mom to cancer in March. I'm 41, and I really don't think it matters how old you are, it still hurts.

My hat is off to most everyone giving advice. You don't need to go further than this thread for guidance - be there, give hugs, don't advise, let her feel her grief on her own terms, etc.

I would ignore Buckyle's advice, though. He's a weirdo. :biggrin:
 
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I like the opening statement about "dating" someone that you "used to be " firends with.

Obviousy, this girl was someone very special to you before it became something more special(?)

If you two are in the "more special" stage of your relationship, then continue to do what you are doing. You obviously care about this girl with the post you made And, NO, there is basically nothing you can do to ease her pain other than being there for her. Keep the shouder firm, the words kind, and the kleenex handy.

Best of luck to you and your girlfirend. :oh:

Peace
 
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Article on O-Zone.....

Buckeyes Family
By Todd Dallas Lamb

My dad has cancer.

It’s not important what kind, but he probably won’t be around too many more years. He seems resigned to the fact that he is going to that next place which probably means he doesn’t have too much longer to live. He is 85 and has no real complaints. He wants to have his ashes spread at The Shoe.

DallasLambFishing2.jpg

Dallas Lamb
Photo courtesy of Todd Dallas Lamb

Ohio State football has been an obsession for him for his entire life since he grew up in Wauseon, Ohio. In his yearbook, in high school he wrote that his dream was to become head coach at Ohio State.

While that never happened, he brought the magic of Buckeye football into the lives of his 3 sons raised in – of all places – Buckeye, California. Orphaned to a foster family, my dad battled reading disabilities as a student while excelling in sports in high school. Today, his temper and frustration with his health issues make him the world’s worst patient during his treatments.

But God how he loves the Buckeyes, and how that love infected my brothers and how it brought us all closer together. I can honestly say, I don’t know where I would be with my dad without the glue that is Ohio State Football.

A month ago my dad had a meeting with his doctors and told me to call my brothers and have them fly back east to visit him for what seems like perhaps the final time. We decided to make it a visit during Labor Day Weekend so we could watch one more Buckeye game together.

I think about my dad’s dream of coaching Ohio State and how far short he came from that dream. He became a construction worker and plastered just about every Motel 6 built in this country in the 70’s and 80’s. You wonder how he feels about his legacy and if he knows about the impact of this one special thing he passed on to us, this thing he found in Ohio.

Ohio State Football is so much more than wins and losses. It’s about family and tradition and about coming together for something that on the surface – doesn’t seem nearly as important as it really is. A game of football shouldn’t really change your life should it?

But it does. It takes you back to you childhood in so many ways. Memories of high fives in my small living room in Buckeye, California still resonate. Memories of losses to Michigan and only having your father there to tell you that there is a reason to wake up tomorrow because next year is going to be better. In a strange way this funny tradition of football taught life lessons on so many other levels.

Entire article: http://theozone.net/Ohio-State/All-Sports/All-Seasons/News/Buckeyes-Family

Also see page 2 (above link)....Growing Up Buckeye by Todd Dallas Lamb
 
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