• Follow us on Twitter @buckeyeplanet and @bp_recruiting, like us on Facebook! Enjoy a post or article, recommend it to others! BP is only as strong as its community, and we only promote by word of mouth, so share away!
  • Consider registering! Fewer and higher quality ads, no emails you don't want, access to all the forums, download game torrents, private messages, polls, Sportsbook, etc. Even if you just want to lurk, there are a lot of good reasons to register!

Best Jokes

Jump to latest Follow Reply
Sort by date Sort by votes
not a joke, per se... but damn funny...

[font=arial,helvetica]An operations manager for Jack in the Box was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident.

This is the actual voice mail message. It was forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server.
[/font]http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3
 
Upvote 0
Oh My God! that's about the funniest thing i've ever heard - that guy's laugh is too much!

i had tears running down my face too!:)

Two old Air Corpsmen are at a bar reminiscing old times. One is telling his buddy about his first training flight.
"Everybody starts jumping out of the plane in single file, and I'm the last one in line, but when my turn comes, I'm so scared that I freeze."
"What did your Sergeant do?" asks his buddy.
Well, he drops his pants and tell me, "If you don't jump right now, I'm going to f*** you up the ass!"
"Well, did you jump?" asks his buddy.
"Yeah, a little at first"

A Mortician is prepping a man for embalming, when he notices that the dearly departed, a man by the name of Bob Schwartz, has easily the most enormous penis he's ever seen. Being a little on the sick side, he decides to "take" it as a souveneir.
Arriving home, he tells his wife he has a "surprise' for her. He opens the shoebox and shows her what's inside.
"Oh my god, Bob Schwartz is dead!" she cries.

There is a town with a monastery on one side and a Nunnery clear on the other side.
One day a Monk is sent on an important errand to the Nunnery, which is a big deal for him since he has never been outside the Monastery.
As he walks through town, a prostitute comes up to him and says, "25 bucks for a blowjob!" he just keeps walking.
Well this happens 2 or 3 more times as he makes his way through town - always "25 buck for a blowjob!".
So, when he finally gets to the Nunnery, he nocks on the door and one of the Nuns answers and asks what he has come for.
"Well, I'll get to that in a minute, but first, i have a question."
"Sure", says the Nun.
"Sister, what's a blow job?"
"25 bucks, same as in town!"
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0
NJ-Buckeye said:
not a joke, per se... but damn funny...

[font=arial,helvetica]An operations manager for Jack in the Box was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident.

This is the actual voice mail message. It was forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server.
[/font]http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3
Click to expand...
thats about as fake as it gets.
 
Upvote 0
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church.
"Reverand," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister, "take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping. When I see him sleeping, I will give you a sign and you poke him in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr, Jones fell asleep. Noticing this the preacher put his plan to work.
"And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"JESUS!" Mr. Jones said as Mrs. Jones poked him.

"Very good Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon Mr.Jones dozed off again. Again, the minister noticed.
"Who is your redemer?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"GOD!" Mr. Jones said as he was again stabbed with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the preacher. Before long Mr. Jones again dropped off. But this time the minister didn't notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon he made several motions that Mrs. Jones mistook for signals.
"And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" At this Mrs. Jones poked her husband again.
"You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!!!"
"AMEN," replied the congregation.
 
Upvote 0
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. Was the other Indian crazy or what?

"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they call 'Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. the Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo!Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in, he was amazed at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Oh, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.....

NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN
 
Upvote 0
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he would like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
 
Upvote 0
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?"

The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.

The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over."

He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world."

:p
 
Upvote 0
LoKyBuckeye said:
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?"

The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.

The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over."

He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world."

:p
Click to expand...
:lol: Love those golf jokes!

A regular foursome is playing behind a rediculously slow group. It looked like each player had his own instructor with him, helping him on every single shot, and theywere taking forever. At the turn, the regulars went to the Pro to complain, ane they heldo nothing back in their disdain for the slow players. the Pro explained that the all four golfers in the group ahead of them were blind, and that their caddies were lining them up for each shot and telling them how far to hit the ball, etc. Well, they were totally ashamed of the things they had said and the way they had behaved, so one of the guys says, "you know what, i feel so bad, why don't you buy each of them a dozen balls and put it on my tab?" another ones says "yeah, and buy each one of them a drink on me when they're done, too." A third says "Hell, I'll pay for their greens fees. I can't believe I said all those bad things about a blind person." but the fourth one - who HATED slow play - was still pissed. "F*** 'em. They should have played at night!"
 
Upvote 0
ad

<tt> This is a direct copy of an advert in the personal section of the Australian

Canberra Times:


WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal
king without getting too serious.

Nah seriously, please only read lines 1,3 and 5.</tt>
 
Upvote 0
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top