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Best Jokes

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Another good one

un nene estaba aprendiendo a andar en bici..
el nene pasa y dice: mama mama....sin una mano!
al rato
-mama mama....sin las dos manos!
al rato
-mama mama.....mira sin los dientes!!!

A little boy was learning to ride a bike, he passes his mom and says "mama, mama...one hand!"
Later
"mama, mama, no hands!"
Later yet
"mama, mama, no teeth!"
 
Upvote 0
DubCoffman62;1939506; said:
Another good one

un nene estaba aprendiendo a andar en bici..
el nene pasa y dice: mama mama....sin una mano!
al rato
-mama mama....sin las dos manos!
al rato
-mama mama.....mira sin los dientes!!!

A little boy was learning to ride a bike, he passes his mom and says "mama, mama...one hand!"
Later
"mama, mama, no hands!"
Later yet
"mama, mama, no teeth!"
Click to expand...

"GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Not funny!!!"
 
Upvote 0
DubCoffman62;1939500; said:
Here's a joke I heard from a Mexican friend

Hija-Mama, se come la madera? (mama, you eat wood?)

Mama-Ay no mi hija por que? (no dear, why do you ask)

Hija- Porque anoche estabas diciendo a papa "Mmmmm, que palo tan rico!" (Because last night you were saying to daddy, "Mmmm, what tasty wood!".)
Click to expand...
"palo" means "stick"

Funnier that way.
 
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The Golf Nut

Tim and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. 


Within a couple of weeks, Tim had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Tim became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love.


Every date seemed better than the last.



On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tim took Dorothy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tim said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.


So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"



Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Tim, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I've been a hooker."



"I see," Tim replied thoughtfully. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
 
Upvote 0
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to it all, you show up and drink my poison."
 
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A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down a New York City street, engaged in a intense yet convivial theological debate about the Divinity of Jesus Christ.

As they walk past an elementary school, the Priest looks over and sees the kids out playing at recess.

He elbows the Rabbi and points toward the playground, "You want that we should go f*ck one of those little boys?" he asks.

The Rabbi replies "Out of what?"
 
Upvote 0
SmoovP;1944816; said:
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down a New York City street, engaged in a intense yet convivial theological debate about the Divinity of Jesus Christ.

As they walk past an elementary school, the Priest looks over and sees the kids out playing at recess.

He elbows the Rabbi and points toward the playground, "You want that we should go f*ck one of those little boys?" he asks.

The Rabbi replies "Out of what?"
Click to expand...


INAPPROPRIATE!!!











But fucking funny....:slappy:
 
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--- A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to
end her life by throwing herself into the ocean,
But just before she could throw herself from the docks,
a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor,
and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship.
I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always
wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small
but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches,
a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain
during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied.
"He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added,
"Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
 
Upvote 0
ScriptOhio;1941186; said:
The Golf Nut

Tim and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. 


Within a couple of weeks, Tim had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Tim became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love.


Every date seemed better than the last.



On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tim took Dorothy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tim said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.


So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"



Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Tim, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I've been a hooker."



"I see," Tim replied thoughtfully. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're using too much right hand [strike]not keeping your wrists straight[/strike] when you hit the ball."
Click to expand...

fi
 
Upvote 0
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,'
Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one meaningful wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the
bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me
to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help
mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish
that I, and all men, could understand our wives and girlfriends; I want to
know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and
how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
 
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