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WR Dane Sanzenbacher (All B1G, B1G Champion)

NOW, THAT’S FUNNY RIGHT THERE. Let’s open today’s Skull Session with a hilarious story.

During 97.1 The Fan’s Pregame Show with Matty Ice, DeVier Posey and Dane Sanzenbacher, Sanzenbacher shared a story about spotting Jeremiah Smith at a gas station last year.

Despite being a former Ohio State wide receiver himself, Sanzenbacher couldn’t bring himself to say hello to the current Buckeyes superstar because he was worried Smith wouldn’t recognize him.

Here’s how Sanzenbacher recalled the moment:

“Last year we were both at a gas station together, and I see who is pretty unmistakably Jeremiah Smith,” Sanzenbacher said. “There’s a Mercedes AMG, and I’m like, ‘Hm.’”

“Did you say, ‘Hi’?” Posey asked.

“I wasn’t going to go out of my way to because I wasn’t going to have enough time to explain who I was,” Sanzenbacher said. “But no, we went in. We both went in. I was like, ‘Oh, man, he’s in here.’ So now we’re passing each other in the aisles, and I’m like, ‘Do I have time to even unpack and explain who I am?’”


That’s where this story gets even better.

Sanzenbacher wasn’t just worried about working up the courage to approach Smith. He was worried he’d have to convince Smith that he was actually Dane Sanzenbacher and not just some random guy at a gas station claiming to be a former Ohio State football player.

“I got out of my work car, my Subaru, and I went in, my shirt’s tucked in, and I’m getting gum and water,” Sanzenbacher said. “And I’m just like, ‘OK, I need 20 minutes for you to trust what I’m saying.’ Either I was just going to say ‘Hey man,’ and he was just going to think I was a fan. I didn’t want to make him feel weird, like he had to sift through if I was telling the truth or not.”

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I absolutely love this.

Sanzenbacher was a first-team All-Big Ten wide receiver at Ohio State in 2010. He caught 121 passes for 1,820 yards and 19 touchdowns as a Buckeye, including 55 catches for 948 yards and 11 touchdowns as a senior. He then went undrafted in 2011 before spending four seasons with the Chicago Bears and Cincinnati Bengals, catching 43 passes for 449 yards and three touchdowns.

And yet, in the aisles of a gas station, he apparently felt like he needed to provide references before Jeremiah Smith would believe he actually played football.

That’s incredible.

There’s a good chance Smith has at least heard of the former Ohio State receiver, even if he wouldn’t have immediately recognized him walking through a gas station. And if Smith didn't know who he was, well, that's what the 20-minute explanation was for.

Still, I’m thankful Sanzenbacher didn't say anything.

It makes for a much better story — and one that we absolutely need to ask Smith about the next time we see him.

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Co-OC/TE Coach Keenan Bailey (National Champion)

brooooooo

CLOSER | INSIDE THE GLASS BOX​

you had one job

Max LeBlanc (88) played 13 snaps against Iowa.
If you're a defensive coordinator looking at Ohio State tape, you're discouraged by a precise and increasingly courageous quarterback playing behind a gelling offensive line and a steadily improving backfield-by-committee. It's currently led by two Jacksons, one almost old enough to legally rent a car and the other who plays very well when angry.

And, of course - Number Four and his capable sidekicks. What could you possibly do to slow this unit down? Then you begin examining the personnel packages north of 11 and see Nate Roberts, who is - this is the rose-colored stuff you guys complain about not seeing enough of here - playable.

He's an acceptable passing target. He knows where he is on the field. Here's Roberts (83) getting open for a touchdown off a terrific double move, but Julian Sayin bolts the pocket early and never sees him.

the middle of the fieeeeeeeeeld

Arthur Smith is scheming the Ohio State offense for success that just requires improved execution.
So if you're trying to get Ohio State's offense off the field, it's looking bleak. Roberts is fine, and as usual, the help that developed elsewhere - Mason Williams - is serviceable. But if anyone else from that room gets onto the field, they're the fish.

And if you're a defensive coordinator, that's your biggest opening - by a significant, almost galactic margin - to get Arthur Smith's terrific scheming to collapse beneath the most vulnerable Jenga piece in the offense, the room run by Keenan Bailey. That unit and special teams are still deadlocked in a death match nobody asked for, competing for the title of weakest unit on a championship team showing inspired and steady improvement elsewhere.

If anyone beyond Roberts or Williams enters the game, the Buckeyes are essentially playing down a man. In the play atop this section, LeBlanc's assignment is the DE/OLB. The defender directly in front of him is in a balanced split stance. That's as much of a pre-snap tell as running a receiver in motion and having a defensive back trail him - ah, they're in man.

The guy LeBlanc starts off trying to block is lined up to cover whichever Jackson is in the backfield, should he release. This is basic film room instruction and primitive TE recognition for a unit whose first obligation is to block. And it goes completely unrecognized.

If TE4 just gets in front of his assignment instead of...whatever this was, Sayin has an extra second to hit his first read (out of the frame; no idea what it was) or reach his second, Brock Boyd, for a walk-in touchdown. But when you're the fish, you end up in a dish. And whenever TE depth sees the field, it's an aquarium out there.

When the Buckeyes reduced their TE presence and played in 11 personnel in Iowa City, they ran the ball conspicuously better. Cortez Hankton's unit put on another WR blocking clinic against the Hawkeyes. The team needs that kind of discipline and energy from the unit Smith's schemes desperately want to include and show off.

Maryland brings the last defense on the schedule against which this tight end room can afford to play its depth. Even here, it's the only consistent weak link in an offense that otherwise has everything necessary to avoid being stopped by a single defense in the country.

Just about every position group has played depth thus far, which is great for sustainability and figuring out who The Guys are going to be in an imposing back half. After this Saturday, there's one room that absolutely cannot afford to keep giving everyone it trusts (apparently, all of them?) chances to sabotage a championship scheme.

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P Joe McGuire (National Champion)

Joe McGuire - who believe it or not has a monster leg and can absolutely bomb a punt into orbit while barefoot - is netting a grotesque 38 yards on his punts this season. That captures both the unit's inability to flip the field and its struggles to pin opponents deep. On Saturday he punted from the Iowa 45 - with the Hawkeyes in punt safe and applying no pressure on him whatsoever - and they fair-caught it at the 22.

Unless you're reading this column from a wheelchair or a bassinet, your leg can probably do that. Per PFF (yeah, I know) McGuire is 117th in yards per punt, 114th in net average, 135th in longest punt, 87th in hang time and 122nd overall - out of a pool of 151 punters. He doesn't have to be the Jeremiah Smith of punters. But he's not even average.
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Cleveland Browns (Factory of Sadness)

Would trade him for a promising left tackle. Doesn’t have to be a current starter.

You mean RT

The idea of Sheseur Sanders landing is anything better than a 7th round pick is hilarious to me. If Berry somehow comvinced someone to send us a 6th for him I’d consider that an elite trade.

Kid fucking sucks so bad. Gabriel is nothing but a guy that be an oompa loompa actor at your kids birthday party if they liked the Willy Wonka Movies.

I really hope they try to look for a rotational piece on the DL.

What would be on your guys’ wish list for realistic trade talks?

Find me a decent depth piece at the 1tech in a trade and that would be amazing.
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NCAA - slowly ruining football (rules changes - merged)

I can think of one program that falls into that latter category
I can think of a shitload of programs in that latter category.
I'm sure we're both thinking of the cheaters up north.

First category: Ohio State, Georgia, Alabama, probably LSU. Maybe USC - there's no reason that they shouldn't be able to make the playoffs every year. Same with Florida. Probably Oregon.
Second category: Cheaters, Notre Dame, Texas, Penn State, Nebraska. Probably most SEC teams. Maybe Iowa, Sparty, Wisconsin. Indiana maybe already belongs in this category. Miami, Clemson.
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Cincinnati Bengals (Same Ole Bengals)

Same Ole Bungles.
Yep, fucking pathetic performance. Here comes another 6-7 win season where we miss the playoffs but have a good enough record to have our pick be outside the top 10. Taylor gets extended. Brown continues to be a cheap asshat that doesn't care about winning. Nothing changes. Rinse, wash, repeat. "Same ol Bungles" type of thread title next season.
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