Imagining what an Ohio State WrestleMania card would look like
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Not only are there more than enough storylines to fill a card out, Ohio Stadium would be the perfect venue.
We have finally made it to one of the biggest weekends of the year! I’m not talking about Final Four weekend, I’m talking about
WrestleMania weekend! The biggest annual event in professional wrestling used to be only one night, but a few years ago they turned it into a two-night spectacle. Not only are there two huge WWE events, but there are also a number of other promotions that hold big events over the weekend, so for fans, it feels like a non-stop barrage of wrestling. Just think of the first two days of the NCAA Tournament, except instead of a basketball court there is a wrestling ring.
While there have been a number of talented professional wrestlers from Columbus and the state of Ohio like Alexa Bliss, The Miz, and Jon Moxley, it would be loads of fun to have an
Ohio State WrestleMania. Over the last 10-15 years, Wrestlemania has been held at big stadiums, there is already the perfect spot to hold the event on campus. Just imagine an Ohio State WrestleMania at Ohio Stadium. For those that can’t attend, they’ll be able to watch on Big Ten Network, and we can even have Paul Keels on the call.
So who is wrestling at Ohio State WrestleMania? There will be some traditional matches, but I figured we would load this card with specialty matches. If there is gonna be an Ohio State WrestleMania, we are going to make it as entertaining as possible. I can tell you one match that there won’t be, though. If any wrestling fans remember the “Judy Bagwell on a pole match” there will not be a “Shelley Meyer on a pole match”.
Ladder Match: Kyle McCord v. Devin Brown
When I was a little B-Leez, the first WrestleMania that I really remember being invested in was WrestleMania X. While the headliners for the event were title matches between Lex Luger & Yokozuna, and Bret Hart and Yokozuna later in the night, the match that stole the show was the ladder match between Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon. At the time, the ladder match was a very original concept, but now it is done numerous times a year. WWE even has a pay-per-view event called Money In The Bank that features men’s and women’s ladder matches for a title shot.
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What better way to decide who starts this year for Ohio State at quarterback than by having the two climb a ladder to capture a briefcase (or some other object) that says “QB1” on it? This way you can see who REALLY wants to be the next starting quarterback for the Buckeyes. We know both Brown and McCord have the talent to be the next starter, now we can see who has the most heart and is willing to go to new heights to take the snaps next for Ohio State.
#1 Contender Match: Brian Hartline v. James Laurinaitis
A lot of times to determine who is next in line for a title shot, there is a match between top contenders. Instead of a match to figure out who will get the next crack at the title, at Ohio State WrestleMania, there is a match to determine who will be the next Ohio State football coach. What better opponents for this match than co-offensive coordinator Brian Hartline and assistant linebackers coach James Laurinaitis?
Even though these two used to be teammates, there is plenty of differences between them. Hartline got a head start in the coaching game, Laurinaitis is incredibly passionate about everything he does. While Laurinaitis does have a bit of an advantage when it comes to size and physicality, wrestling doesn’t always see the bigger fighter win, sometimes it goes to the combatant with the better game plan.
Loser Leaves Town Match: Ryan Day v. Chris Holtmann
Maybe this match should take place right before the #1 Contenders Match, especially if Day fails to earn the victory. Over the last year, there has been plenty of criticism hurled at both the Ohio State football coach, and the Buckeyes men’s basketball coach. Has it been warranted? In some areas yes, while at some times it has been a little over the top. No matter where you stand, this would be a great way to see who has the desire to stay in Columbus.
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Imagine how much juice the winner of this match would have when it comes to his team, and also with recruiting. The winning coach could champion himself as a man who had his back against the wall and fought his way out of it. Then he could ask his team to play the same way he did when he was literally fighting for his job.
Triple Threat Tag Team Match: Kaleb & Andre Wesson v. J.J. & Jared Sullinger v. Joey & Nick Bosa
With the number of outstanding brothers that we have seen at Ohio State, what better way to crown the best set of brothers than by having a tag team match? This would undoubtedly be a fun matchup since there isn’t a huge size discrepancy between the three teams either. The Bosa brothers may have dominated at defensive end on the football field, but the Wessons and Sullingers ate in the paint on the court. This would be a real hoss fight.
Toledo Death Match: Woody Hayes v. Bo Schembechler
In professional wrestling, you’ll often hear a match with no rules referred to as a “Texas Death Match”. Since we are nowhere near Texas, we might as well call it a Toledo Death Match since Ohio and Michigan already have squabbled over the Toledo area. What better combatants for this match than the two men who had a 10-year war in college football’s biggest rivalry?
Even if there we rules in this match, it’s not like Woody Hayes would follow them. We know how much Woody hated Michigan, so it would be interesting to see just how far he would go to beat his fiercest rival. This feels like it would be as intense as the rivalry between Undertaker and Mankind, with both combatants going to extreme lengths to earn the victory.
Women’s Championship Match: Sophie Jaques v. Jacy Sheldon
What an incredible year it was for both the Ohio State women’s hockey team and the women’s basketball team. The Puckeyes almost repeated as national champs, falling to Wisconsin in the title game. Sheldon and the Ohio State shooty-hoopers made it all the way to the Elite Eight and hung with
Virginia Tech, falling just short of making the Final Four.
Jaques was the star of women’s college hockey this year, winning the Patty Kazmeier Memorial Award as the best player in the country. Sheldon dealt with some injury issues but was able to be a key contributor during the NCAA Tournament run for the Buckeyes. Sheldon has already announced that she will be returning to Columbus next year.
The advantage in a fight seems like it would go to a hockey player, but don’t count out Sheldon, who has dealt with plenty of adversity this year as she fought hard to get back onto the court after suffering a lower-leg injury. There’s no doubt both of these great athletes would pull out all the stops, much like they have done in their respective sports.
Championship Match: Craig Krenzel v. Cardale Jones - Special Guest Referee J.T. Barrett
This pairing probably looks odd, but hear me out. I figured the true championship match should be between the last two quarterbacks to lead Ohio State football to national titles. Since football is king in Columbus, it would be fitting if these two fought each other. Also, if Cardale Jones was going to be fighting in this match, J.T. Barrett should at least in some way be involved, since he did a ton of the work to get the 2014 team in position to compete for a national title.
This might look like a bit of a mismatch since Cardale was an absolute tank in the final three games of the 2014 season but don’t forget that Krenzel went up against the Miami defense in the BCS National Championship Game and didn’t blink. Even though he might not be as flashy as Jones, Krenzel knows how to get the job done in big pressure spots. I don’t see why that would change when it came to the wrestling ring.
As an added twist, I’d assume that Jones is going to bring Brian Schottenstein as his manager. “Da Schott” would definitely fit into the role of the slimy manager that cuts corners and tries to give his client an advantage by using cheap tricks when the referee isn’t looking.
There are certainly more matches that could be added to the card, but this feels like it would be a good start. Maybe like a “WarGames” style match between recent wide receivers and cornerbacks. Add in a celebrity match just for some kicks, as well. There certainly wouldn’t be a lack of dream matches that could fill a few years of Ohio State WrestleManias!
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