zincfinger
Gert Frobe-approved
Indeed. Last night, after getting the kids to bed, we put on the traditional Josh Groban album and lit the ceremonial navigation lights on the hearth yacht.
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Palpie
Legend
A St Martinmas Carol
by not Charles Dickens
In the town of Ann Arbor there lived an athletic director named Warde Manuel. He was a miserly AD who refused to extend the contract of his poor football coach Jimmy Harbaugh. Then one cold St Martinmas eve as he prepared to sleep the ghost of Bo Schembechler appeared to him. "Warde, why do you not honor St Martin and celebrate his greatest achievements? Are you not a Michigan Man?" Warde was confused, "Did I not hire a member of the fraud five to coach our basketball team?" The ghost of Bo shook his head, "That you did, but being Michigan AD is not about hiring cheaters to coach basketball, why have you not extended my favorite qb's contract as football coach?" Warde grew angry at this, "He's never beaten those Buckeyes, he lost Paul Bunyan to Sparty, he can't recruit or develop a quarterba...."
"ENOUGH" shouted the specter. "It is clear you do not understand the spirit of St Martinmas, so tonight you will be visited by 3 ghosts, head well their lessons or you may yet lose your job."
Warde shook in fear as the ghost of Bo faded. But soon enough his courage returned. "Bah humbug," he said, "St Martin was a fool and only fools celebrate his day." Just then there was a knock at his door. Answering it, Warde saw none other than the saint himself, St Maritn. "You're not dead, so how are you one of my ghosts?" ask Warde. "The author wants me to be the first ghost so shut up" replied the famed sailor. "Now come with me and see the origin of my sainted day"
Reluctantly Warde followed the 'ghost' of St Martin through the door. Suddenly they were in bright sunshine on the deck of a sailboat. Somewhere a phone was ringing but no one was answering it. Warde turned to the 'ghost' and said "But aren't I doing what you did? Sitting around doing nothing while better options pass me by. I do understand St Martinmas." The ghost frowned, "No, Warde you are only copying my actions but not my spirit. Look deeper." Warde looked over the side of the boat trying to guess how deep the water was. The ghost kicked him overboard, but instead of hitting the water Warde landed at a press conference. Rich Rodriguez was being introduced. "See how I brought false hope by hiring a coach who had just blown a golden shot at the MNC by losing to his rival." Warde still did not understand, "But no one wants Harbaugh any longer. He was the savior, but not anymore. They'll hate me if I extend his contract." The ghost turned to Warde and replied "My time comes to a close, mayhaps the other two ghosts will fare better than I"
.
.
.
.
To be continued if I have the time later. Warde will visit the Harbaugh house and meet tiny Jay who is down to his last crayon and see the terrible future if he doesn't change his mind and extend harbaugh's contract. Will he learn the true meaning of St Martinmas?
by not Charles Dickens
In the town of Ann Arbor there lived an athletic director named Warde Manuel. He was a miserly AD who refused to extend the contract of his poor football coach Jimmy Harbaugh. Then one cold St Martinmas eve as he prepared to sleep the ghost of Bo Schembechler appeared to him. "Warde, why do you not honor St Martin and celebrate his greatest achievements? Are you not a Michigan Man?" Warde was confused, "Did I not hire a member of the fraud five to coach our basketball team?" The ghost of Bo shook his head, "That you did, but being Michigan AD is not about hiring cheaters to coach basketball, why have you not extended my favorite qb's contract as football coach?" Warde grew angry at this, "He's never beaten those Buckeyes, he lost Paul Bunyan to Sparty, he can't recruit or develop a quarterba...."
"ENOUGH" shouted the specter. "It is clear you do not understand the spirit of St Martinmas, so tonight you will be visited by 3 ghosts, head well their lessons or you may yet lose your job."
Warde shook in fear as the ghost of Bo faded. But soon enough his courage returned. "Bah humbug," he said, "St Martin was a fool and only fools celebrate his day." Just then there was a knock at his door. Answering it, Warde saw none other than the saint himself, St Maritn. "You're not dead, so how are you one of my ghosts?" ask Warde. "The author wants me to be the first ghost so shut up" replied the famed sailor. "Now come with me and see the origin of my sainted day"
Reluctantly Warde followed the 'ghost' of St Martin through the door. Suddenly they were in bright sunshine on the deck of a sailboat. Somewhere a phone was ringing but no one was answering it. Warde turned to the 'ghost' and said "But aren't I doing what you did? Sitting around doing nothing while better options pass me by. I do understand St Martinmas." The ghost frowned, "No, Warde you are only copying my actions but not my spirit. Look deeper." Warde looked over the side of the boat trying to guess how deep the water was. The ghost kicked him overboard, but instead of hitting the water Warde landed at a press conference. Rich Rodriguez was being introduced. "See how I brought false hope by hiring a coach who had just blown a golden shot at the MNC by losing to his rival." Warde still did not understand, "But no one wants Harbaugh any longer. He was the savior, but not anymore. They'll hate me if I extend his contract." The ghost turned to Warde and replied "My time comes to a close, mayhaps the other two ghosts will fare better than I"
.
.
.
.
To be continued if I have the time later. Warde will visit the Harbaugh house and meet tiny Jay who is down to his last crayon and see the terrible future if he doesn't change his mind and extend harbaugh's contract. Will he learn the true meaning of St Martinmas?
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‘Suddenly they were in bright sunshine on the deck of a sailboat. Somewhere a phone was ringing but no one was answering it.’
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Palpie
Legend
A St Martinmas Carol
by not Charles Dickens
Part II
Warde now found himself in the empty press room when in walked LLLLLLLoyd Carr. "You're not dead either!" he shouted. LLLLLLLoyd chuckled, "But my coaching career died on Jan 19, 2001. But relieving the past is not my duty. I am here to show you the present." Warde sneered "I know all about the present. A losing record and exaggerating covid numbers to avoid playing the Buckeyes." "Follow me" was all the ghost of LLLLLLLoyd said. Warde wasn't sure where he really was so followed and found himself at another press conference. Jim Harbaugh was speaking, demanding that football be played and extolling michigan's leadership and bestness at combating the pandemic. "See how the media hang on his every word, despite all his failures? See how the fans embraced the narrative you put out?" Warde thought on this, "But it was all a lie. We weren't any better than other school, and Milton was no Cam Newton." "Now you begin to see" was all LLLLLLLoyd said as he walked out. Warde again had no choice but to follow.
Warde now found himself in a dimly lit hovel. Jimmy Harbaugh was counting invisible marbles at the dining table. In the corner sat a child who looked more like a Bonaduce gnawing on the stub of a blue crayon an empty 64 pack box lay discarded nearby. LLLLLLLoyd sighed as he looked around. "He's brought all this on himself. Keeping Don Brown after the last two Games, hiring a new OC after a 10 minute phone call, and keeping his 'son' on the staff." Warde felt no pity for the Harbaughs. "It isn't your job as AD to judge his coaching or staff decisions. Your job is to make sure the big house is full and september heismans are won. How can Jimmy and Jay recruit new 5* busts if you won't give him a new contract?" With this LLLLLLLoyd led Warde to a very familiar scene.
Warde saw himself angrily addressing a webcam. It was just a few weeks ago when he had so arrogantly denied the plan to duck the Buckeyes by claiming too many covid cases. He had been so full of the Michigan Difference(tm) as he cited centuries old victories as proof of Michigan's willingness to play. "It's about arrogance. I see it all now. St Martinmas is the day that Michigan's arrogance is celebrated." Warde felt he understood, but LLLLLLLoyd looked away in disappointment, like Warde was a linebacker trying to protect a last second field goal vs App State. "No Warde, you still do not see the full spirit of St Martinmas." It will be up to the the last ghost, the ghost of St Martinmas yet to be to finish your lesson.
As Warde was not a complete fool he knew the last ghost is these stories was always the most terrifying of all. He looked around in dread only to find himself in Ohio Stadium. "Ghost of St Martinmas yet to come? Are you here?" He whispered, like Jimmy instructing a quarterback. Suddenly a cloaked figured emerged from seemingly no where. This ghost did not speak but pointed to the Ohio Stadium scoreboard where a video was playing.
.
.
.
.
I hope I spelled LLLLLLLoyd's name right each time. If I had know how many times I'd end up using it, I'd still pick him. What is the ghost of future St martinmas showing Warde, will we learn who the ghost is (probably not), how stupid will the contract Warde gives Jimmy be? And just what is the true meaning of St Martinmas? Hopefully we'll all find out later tonight.
by not Charles Dickens
Part II
Warde now found himself in the empty press room when in walked LLLLLLLoyd Carr. "You're not dead either!" he shouted. LLLLLLLoyd chuckled, "But my coaching career died on Jan 19, 2001. But relieving the past is not my duty. I am here to show you the present." Warde sneered "I know all about the present. A losing record and exaggerating covid numbers to avoid playing the Buckeyes." "Follow me" was all the ghost of LLLLLLLoyd said. Warde wasn't sure where he really was so followed and found himself at another press conference. Jim Harbaugh was speaking, demanding that football be played and extolling michigan's leadership and bestness at combating the pandemic. "See how the media hang on his every word, despite all his failures? See how the fans embraced the narrative you put out?" Warde thought on this, "But it was all a lie. We weren't any better than other school, and Milton was no Cam Newton." "Now you begin to see" was all LLLLLLLoyd said as he walked out. Warde again had no choice but to follow.
Warde now found himself in a dimly lit hovel. Jimmy Harbaugh was counting invisible marbles at the dining table. In the corner sat a child who looked more like a Bonaduce gnawing on the stub of a blue crayon an empty 64 pack box lay discarded nearby. LLLLLLLoyd sighed as he looked around. "He's brought all this on himself. Keeping Don Brown after the last two Games, hiring a new OC after a 10 minute phone call, and keeping his 'son' on the staff." Warde felt no pity for the Harbaughs. "It isn't your job as AD to judge his coaching or staff decisions. Your job is to make sure the big house is full and september heismans are won. How can Jimmy and Jay recruit new 5* busts if you won't give him a new contract?" With this LLLLLLLoyd led Warde to a very familiar scene.
Warde saw himself angrily addressing a webcam. It was just a few weeks ago when he had so arrogantly denied the plan to duck the Buckeyes by claiming too many covid cases. He had been so full of the Michigan Difference(tm) as he cited centuries old victories as proof of Michigan's willingness to play. "It's about arrogance. I see it all now. St Martinmas is the day that Michigan's arrogance is celebrated." Warde felt he understood, but LLLLLLLoyd looked away in disappointment, like Warde was a linebacker trying to protect a last second field goal vs App State. "No Warde, you still do not see the full spirit of St Martinmas." It will be up to the the last ghost, the ghost of St Martinmas yet to be to finish your lesson.
As Warde was not a complete fool he knew the last ghost is these stories was always the most terrifying of all. He looked around in dread only to find himself in Ohio Stadium. "Ghost of St Martinmas yet to come? Are you here?" He whispered, like Jimmy instructing a quarterback. Suddenly a cloaked figured emerged from seemingly no where. This ghost did not speak but pointed to the Ohio Stadium scoreboard where a video was playing.
.
.
.
.
I hope I spelled LLLLLLLoyd's name right each time. If I had know how many times I'd end up using it, I'd still pick him. What is the ghost of future St martinmas showing Warde, will we learn who the ghost is (probably not), how stupid will the contract Warde gives Jimmy be? And just what is the true meaning of St Martinmas? Hopefully we'll all find out later tonight.
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Fungo Squiggly
Mortal enemy of all things Bucky
Yahoo Pickem Champ
Former Game Champion
'18 BPCFFB II Champ
'18 Keeper League Champ
God almighty do these deserve GPA awards. They should immediately go to the BP hall of fame.
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Palpie
Legend
A St Martinmas Carol
by not Charles Dickens
Part III
Warde saw on the video screen an image of the big house but it was full of red clad fans. "Is this next years game? Will those bastards take over our stadium again?" "Look closer", a voice croaked. It did not come from the ghost but seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. Though he did not want to see the sight of Buckeyes filling the big house, he feared defying the ghost more. So look again he did, and lo it was not the Buckeyes that Michigan was playing. No this was a game vs INDIANA. Hoosiers fans had filled the big house. "How can this be?" he wondered. "They're a basketball school. We take over their stadium not this." The ghost merely pointed back to the video board. A new video was playing. There he was, introducing Les Miles as coach. Then video jumped and Les was resigning in disgrace after eating all the turf at the big house. LLLLLLLoyd was there introducing Mike Hart as the new coach.
Warde saw all this and understood. It wasn't about doing the dumbest thing possible, nor was it just about being unjustifiably arrogant. It was being unjustifiably arrogant WHILE doing the dumbest possible thing. Only a true follower of St Martin could be so arrogant and incompetent at the same time. Warde fell to his knees clutching at the ghost's cloak. "I understand now. I shouldn't be leaving Jimmy to dangle with a lame duck contract. How can we over hype the team in the off season without bringing in an overrated recruiting class. We need the offseason hype to keep thesuckers fans coming."
Just then Warde heard a bell tolling. It rang twelve times. It was now St Martinmas.
Warde was home in bed clutching his wife's bed robe while she slapped him awake. Warde leapt up, checking the clock. It was noon of St Martinmas. "It's not too late" he exclaimed. He rushed down stairs, grabbed his briefcase and out the door. Before long he was at the Harbaugh's place. Knocking loudly, he shouted "Jimmy, I've come to negotiate a contract extension." Jimmy's wife opened the door. "Please keep it down, you know how excitable he is." She let Warde in and went looking for Jimmy, it sounded like he was looking for his baseball somewhere upstairs, Warde could hear the cleats scraping the hardwood floors. Looking around, he saw Tiny Jay. Warde smile and pulled out a brand new 64 color pack of crayons. Jay saw them and ran to take the waxy foodsticks. "Don't eat them all at once Jay. You need to save some for writing recruits and their girlfriends with." "Yes Mr. AD" Jay said.
"Ohhh, it's you." Warde heard Jimmy say. "Yes it is I" beamed Warde. "I've come to give you a contract extension. How does 3 years sound? No, make it 5. What am I thinking we'll call it a lifetime contract." "Do I have to take a pay cut?" growled Jimmy. "Of course not. I've never heard anything so absurd. You're a top five coach and we'll pay you as such. We'll tell everyone how this pandemic has effected Michigan far more than other schools and that gave them the competitive advantage over us this year. But I'm sure you've got a couple highly rated recruits we can start hyping as the newest saviors."
And thus Warde Manuel learned the true meaning of St Martinmas and Michigan football was saved from having Indiana's fans take over the big house and that is what really matters.
Happy St Martinmas to all and to all a FUCK MICHIGAN!
I'd like to sincerely apologize to Mr Charles Dickens for butchering his classic in this way. I do not apologize to any fuck Michigan Men for their appearances in this bit of satire.
by not Charles Dickens
Part III
Warde saw on the video screen an image of the big house but it was full of red clad fans. "Is this next years game? Will those bastards take over our stadium again?" "Look closer", a voice croaked. It did not come from the ghost but seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. Though he did not want to see the sight of Buckeyes filling the big house, he feared defying the ghost more. So look again he did, and lo it was not the Buckeyes that Michigan was playing. No this was a game vs INDIANA. Hoosiers fans had filled the big house. "How can this be?" he wondered. "They're a basketball school. We take over their stadium not this." The ghost merely pointed back to the video board. A new video was playing. There he was, introducing Les Miles as coach. Then video jumped and Les was resigning in disgrace after eating all the turf at the big house. LLLLLLLoyd was there introducing Mike Hart as the new coach.
Warde saw all this and understood. It wasn't about doing the dumbest thing possible, nor was it just about being unjustifiably arrogant. It was being unjustifiably arrogant WHILE doing the dumbest possible thing. Only a true follower of St Martin could be so arrogant and incompetent at the same time. Warde fell to his knees clutching at the ghost's cloak. "I understand now. I shouldn't be leaving Jimmy to dangle with a lame duck contract. How can we over hype the team in the off season without bringing in an overrated recruiting class. We need the offseason hype to keep the
Just then Warde heard a bell tolling. It rang twelve times. It was now St Martinmas.
Warde was home in bed clutching his wife's bed robe while she slapped him awake. Warde leapt up, checking the clock. It was noon of St Martinmas. "It's not too late" he exclaimed. He rushed down stairs, grabbed his briefcase and out the door. Before long he was at the Harbaugh's place. Knocking loudly, he shouted "Jimmy, I've come to negotiate a contract extension." Jimmy's wife opened the door. "Please keep it down, you know how excitable he is." She let Warde in and went looking for Jimmy, it sounded like he was looking for his baseball somewhere upstairs, Warde could hear the cleats scraping the hardwood floors. Looking around, he saw Tiny Jay. Warde smile and pulled out a brand new 64 color pack of crayons. Jay saw them and ran to take the waxy foodsticks. "Don't eat them all at once Jay. You need to save some for writing recruits and their girlfriends with." "Yes Mr. AD" Jay said.
"Ohhh, it's you." Warde heard Jimmy say. "Yes it is I" beamed Warde. "I've come to give you a contract extension. How does 3 years sound? No, make it 5. What am I thinking we'll call it a lifetime contract." "Do I have to take a pay cut?" growled Jimmy. "Of course not. I've never heard anything so absurd. You're a top five coach and we'll pay you as such. We'll tell everyone how this pandemic has effected Michigan far more than other schools and that gave them the competitive advantage over us this year. But I'm sure you've got a couple highly rated recruits we can start hyping as the newest saviors."
And thus Warde Manuel learned the true meaning of St Martinmas and Michigan football was saved from having Indiana's fans take over the big house and that is what really matters.
Happy St Martinmas to all and to all a FUCK MICHIGAN!
I'd like to sincerely apologize to Mr Charles Dickens for butchering his classic in this way. I do not apologize to any fuck Michigan Men for their appearances in this bit of satire.
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