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SimPLLLLLLLe Jim "6-13" Harbaugh (B1G Suspenders McKhakiPants, Cheater Cheater Booger Eater)

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Poe McKnoe said:
So what's our expert expectations for Jimbo at UM? Considering how BP nailed the career arcs and potential (and realized) pitfalls of RichRod and Hoke, I figure we should see if we can bat 1.000.

1) He'll improve the team back to respectable levels of Lloyd Carr
2) Those will max out at 9-3 or 10-2 on good years
3) He'll probably be the center of numerous conflicts with other coaches
4) He's going to have epic meltdowns on the sidelines
5) He's going be NFL bound by year 4 or 5, if not sooner

What I miss?
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He's still there?
 
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Michigan Will Suck, Because Even Jim Harbaugh Needs Time to Work a Miracle

Michigan is such trash, man. Like Texas, it sits on the perch reserved for college football’s giants but shits away its legacy year after year, letting guys like Brady Hoke come in and do nothing for four years. This year, Michigan decided to use the pull that comes with 50 odd years of dominance to hire a real lunatic of a head coach, Jim Harbaugh, who will supposedly win them some games. So when they don’t win games this year, it’s going to be so, so sweet.

The hiring of Jim Harbaugh was the biggest news in college football outside of the NCAA rescinding all of Penn State’s penalties. There are so many things you shouldn’t do to Jim Harbaugh: Engage him in conversation, make direct eye contact, challenge him to any sort of competition, question his manliness, attempt to show him an actual fashion magazine, etc. But if you’ve paid attention to football in the past two decades, you know that doubting Harbaugh is high up on the list of things not to do.

It’s almost insane how good he is at building a program while being a fiery-eyed, frothing nutcase who probably screams while he shits and puts cigarettes out on his arm after sex. He actually got shit done at the University of San Diego, created a top-5 program in four years at Stanford, and went to three NFC Championships and a Super Bowl with the San Francisco 49ers. My man Jim might sleep with his eyes wide open, but he knows how to build a team. Unfortunately, his team now happens to be Michigan.
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Can They Make The Playoff?
No way, man. No way. I don’t really want to break down every single reason that Michigan is a subpar team, but dig this: the Wolverines have to play Michigan State, Ohio State, Penn State, Minnesota, Maryland, and Utah, and I could easily see them losing every single one of those games, mainly because they lost to all but one of those teams last year.

I’m not saying Harbaugh isn’t going to work wonders with this program and make them a top-15 squad by 2017; he probably will. I’m just saying that Michigan’s offense is insultingly bad and this is not the year the Wolverines even sniff the playoff. Bowl games are cool too, though.
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Is The Coach A Dick?
I wouldn’t say Jim Harbaugh is so much a dick as he is a stone-cold psychopath, and that’s even relative to the rest of the college football’s coaches.

As a child he spent hours playing baseball by himself in a strip mall parking lot. As a young man, he walked up to a strange woman, got her number, called her nine times until she answered, and married said woman because he “could tell she was a winner all the way.” As a new coach, he smeared a player’s blood on his fucking face like warpaint. As a grown-ass man, he took his shirt off and ran around baring his mayo-ass torso with 18-year old teens to illustrate how he wanted a drill done.

Jim Harbaugh, though a truly amazing coach, is the most unchill dude that has ever lived. Not a dick, but my man needs to take a nap.
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He just may do something so bizarre this year, even for Harbaugh, that it actually shocks the living hell out of everybody (including BP).*

*Yeah. Go ahead and add this one to the "predictions to be fulfilled" pile. I wouldn't be at all surprised. Guy kind of scares me.
 
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LostLassie said:
He just may do something so bizarre this year, even for Harbaugh, that it actually shocks the living hell out of everybody (including BP).*

*Yeah. Go ahead and add this one to the "predictions to be fulfilled" pile. I wouldn't be at all surprised. Guy kind of scares me.
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While, I guess, it wouldn't surprise me either way, I have a feeling that the bat-shit crazy doesn't come through until year two. In the first year he isn't really expected to do much more than keep kids with concussions off the field. Year two, however, will have some expectations that I don't think the state of thier players and recruiting pipeline will be able to support. I don't care who the coach is... It's when the expectations done line up with performance that we'll start to see the wheels come off the cart. And when they come off, God willing, no child will be harmed.
 
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sparcboxbuck said:
While, I guess, it wouldn't surprise me either way, I have a feeling that the bat-[Mark May] crazy doesn't come through until year two. In the first year he isn't really expected to do much more than keep kids with concussions off the field. Year two, however, will have some expectations that I don't think the state of thier players and recruiting pipeline will be able to support. I don't care who the coach is... It's when the expectations done line up with performance that we'll start to see the wheels come off the cart. And when they come off, God willing, no child will be harmed.
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I get the guy is crazy. But has he done something in the past in all his years of coaching to make you think he would put players in harms way?
 
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WolverineMike said:
Who didn't want to punch Jim Kelly in the face. :lol: So nothing as a coach then.......
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Yes, agreed on the "who didn't" thing, but the nothing as a coach part I'll take issue with. And yes, I concede that he may not have punched someone as a coach, but the fact of the matter is, you don't just wake up one day being 'that guy...' It's more of a lifetime achievement kind of award. He's 'that guy' who just hasn't committed battery as a coach... yet.

All in due time.
 
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BTN Bus Tour stopped at Michigan practice today. Harbaugh did not sit down at the desk to interview -- first time that has ever happened in the history of BTN doing these things (112 stops since 2008). Media people have been falling over themselves for seven months to give Jim free pub for his program and the guy doesn't know how to "sell" during his air time. It's 2015, not 1985. You have to do this stuff now.

This fucking guy ...
 
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Dryden said:
BTN Bus Tour stopped at Michigan practice today. Harbaugh did not sit down at the desk to interview -- first time that has ever happened in the history of BTN doing these things (112 stops since 2008). Media people have been falling over themselves for seven months to give Jim free pub for his program and the guy doesn't know how to "sell" during his air time. It's 2015, not 1985. You have to do this stuff now.

This fucking guy ...
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alienating the media while taking over a high profile coaching gig with a questionable amount of talent on the roster

That's certainly one way to go about things, not the first thing that would come to my mind but then again, I'm not a functioning autistic.
 
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Dryden said:
BTN Bus Tour stopped at Michigan practice today. Harbaugh did not sit down at the desk to interview -- first time that has ever happened in the history of BTN doing these things (112 stops since 2008). Media people have been falling over themselves for seven months to give Jim free pub for his program and the guy doesn't know how to "sell" during his air time. It's 2015, not 1985. You have to do this stuff now.

This fucking guy ...
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Somebody needs to sit that imbecile down and explain to him that network is a big part of the reason that he's making seven million dollars a year. I honestly didn't think the social dysfunction would come out until next year. It just goes to show that he can't control it. And what happened to his Wrangler? Didn't they hire some guy specifically to keep this shit from happening.
 
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