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SG Mark "The Shark" Titus (Official Thread)

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Some funny stuff right here.

To Whom It May Com. Stern,
I would like to forgo my senior season of eligibility and enter my name into the 2009 NBA draft. I would also like to forgo my final year of wearing sweatshirts with my hood up in all my classes, my final year of going to karaoke night at that one bar on campus, my final year of scrambling to find a parking spot at 10:27 because my class starts in 3 minutes, and most importantly, my final year of not making a single dime from my blog.

I’m not sure if it’s customary to write a second paragraph, but then again I’m pretty sure that every other early entrant doesn’t already have a marketing strategy in place for themselves. I’m thinking that we play on my nickname of “The Shark” from the get-go and blare the Jaws theme music as I make my way from the audience to the podium to shake your hand on draft day. From there we can launch a series of commercials where I sneak up on other NBA players and tackle them as a graphic comes up on the screen saying “The Shark smells blood in the NBA water. Or maybe he just smells fear” or something similar. The possibilities truly are endless.

Furthermore, I want to go on record as saying that I vow to never carry a firearm into a night club, and if I do, you can rest assured that the safety lock will most certainly be on. I am also volunteering myself to do every “NBA Cares” commercial, because let’s face it, the guys who do those commercials could really care less if inner city kids can read “Go, Dog. Go!” (By the way, don’t you think P.D. Eastman went a little bit overboard with the punctuation in that title? There are only three words in the title and he’s got three punctuation marks. As a general rule of thumb, you should strive to have a punctuation marks to number of words ratio for your title be less than one. I would know. I’m a writer.) Also, when I’m prompted to donate a dollar at the Wal-Mart checkout line to help combat whatever disease they are trying to fight that particular week, I always do so out of the kindness of my heart and not because I feel obligated to, like about 95% of America consistently does.

Before I go, I was wondering if you could clear the air on a few questions, so that I could get to know you better. Did you really rig the lottery in 1985 so the Knicks could land Ewing? Was Jordan’s first retirement really a suspension for gambling? Who are you cheering for on American Idol now that the blind guy is out? America needs to know these things, Dave.

Your Friend and My Favorite,
Mark “The Shark” Titus #34

P.S.- If I get drafted by a team that has #34 retired or someone already wearing it, you should let my be the first player to have a three digit jersey number. I’m thinking I’ll be number 114, so the back of my jersey will read “Titus 114”, which is a Bible verse that says, “Not giving heed to Jewish fables, and commandments of men, that turn from the truth.” What’s that? You’re Jewish? Yeah, we can scrap that idea then I guess.
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LitlBuck;1448842; said:
I still don't like your Aviator:biggrin2:
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I don't blame you. :biggrin:

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The NBA really blew it. They should have run with it and played along. Send a camera crew to his apartment the night of the draft. Maybe throw a little money his way and use him in commercials. Numerous ways they could have used this to their advantage. He's an entertaining guy and they decide to quash his antics rather than play along to their advantage? I just don't get it.

Stop taking yourself so seriously, NBA. :shake:
 
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