With pleasure, kind sir!
Hooley: What do you think I got the most emails about after the Sugar Bowl and after the Title game?
Uhhhh... in Columbus? (you know, cowtown?)
Yes sir
I'd say probably the votes in the AP. (because let's face it, the average Ohio State fan can't comprehend my complicated system)
*laughing* How'd you guess?
I got plenty of those too. (from the brainless wonks who are jealous of my tan)
You know, as if... what is wrong with you that you don't have in your pocket you don't have your final AP vote from the regular season to work off of, which I know is what most people think that's what you had. But you had a little thing going on called, you know, the National Title game and gameday...
Yeah, exactly (I mean, I need my beauty sleep to look good for Poopsie)
...and what did you get, like fifteen minutes after the game to get your vote in?
Here's how my final poll worked is... and I'm not making any excuses for my poll or where I put Ohio State or anything like that, (why would I need excuses?? I'm Kirk Freaking Herbstreit) but you're right Bruce. When you're not only calling the game, I did two hours of pregame before, then I called the game, then I did the postgame after, and then when I finished, I didn't even know what my name was. (But now I am once again aware it is Kirk Freaking Herbstreit)
Once I finished doing that, our research guy said, hey, you've gotta call in your AP vote. *laughing groan* Oh my God... are you kidding me? I've got to fill out the AP? (I mean, you know, I know nurses work on their feet for 16 hour shifts trying to keep people from dying and stuff, but I am taking about 25 big teams here!) So he and I are kind of going through it, and honestly, he helped me more than he probably needed to. (Primarily because besides USC and the SEC and Boise by Gawd State, I can't really remember any of the teams)
Once I got through the first four - with Auburn, TCU, Stanford, Oregon, all those teams (I spent 2 days tearing up about USC not being eligible, but I digress)- and you get to those next four to five teams, and you know, I didn't, uh, just so you know, with my AP vote, I don't ever look at, 'well this team has one loss, so they should be ahead of this team which had two losses' (Except when I do, which is for, you know, the SEC and USC and Boise By Gawd State)
One thing I knew for sure, Wisconsin beat Ohio State, you had to put Wisconsin ahead of Ohio State, in my opinion, even though Wisconsin lost their bowl game, they did beat Ohio State head to head, and that gave them an advantage in my opinion. (Of course I almost ranked them behind OSU to punish them for not playing my new favoritest team ever, Boise State, but in the end, TCU had purple, which is close to blue, so I forgave them).
Probably with Oklahoma, it was more with the eye test, and knowing the potential of what Oklahoma can do, more than 'well they lost to this team, there, that team.' It wasn't necessarily... I don't every really look at it like that. (In other words, I have entirely different standards for certain teams, and OSU fans are just sore about it because they don't work at ESPN and don't get to gawk at Erin Andrews for hours a night)
And then fresh off of the way the big ten in the bowl games on January 1st, I just thought that at the end of the day, as much as I want to put Ohio State at 2 - I'd love to put them as high as I can put them (As long as it doesn't interfere with my attempts to get honorary degrees from Boise State, USC, and the SEC, and hey, those teams are always better anyway)- what did Ohio State really do at the end of the day, to warrant being up in the top 5, other than not lose their bowl game and beating Arkansas? (I mean, what do teams do most other than win and not lose? It's not like they're Boise State, USC, or the SEC)
So I just, you know, put them around that 8 or 9 mark, and I think I ended up putting them at 9. (I'll play it coy here and act like I don't remember, that will really piss off the local rednecks)
And imagine if you're a Wisconsin fan, and all of these people voted Ohio State above Wisconsin. It's like wait a second, didn't we play, and beat em? (I mean, everyone knows the other 12 games during the season don't count...wait, did people vote Nevada ahead of Boise Freaking State? That's a crime...a CRIME, I tell you)
You know what, it's one of those things that no matter what you do, you're going to be ridiculed and made fun of, and told how bad you are at what you do? (It's not my fault ESPN worded my contract that I have to like who they tell me to and the OSU fans aren't as intelligent as me...must be easier to get a degree there now)
I really put it down, and I'm not making excuses for it, it is what it is, and it has nothing to do with not loving Ohio State or not loving Terrelle Pryor or an axe to grind or I'm jealous of this... man this is getting old! (I mean, it's not like I can recite verbatim at a moment's notice all the reasons people are taking shots at me, like I sit around and think about these issues all the time or anything...no, really...no, really, I don't think about it at all...)
I've been doing this for fifteen years (therefore that means I MUST be good at it) and if I ever do or say anything against Ohio State, I'm jealous! It's like... NO! Not at all. My kids are brainwashed Buckeyes. (I mean think about it, I can dress them up in OSU gear and all the ladies watching go "awwwwww" and that lets me have arguments like this one) My wife is a former cheerleader. (yes guys, I am married to a cheerleader, and your ladies probably think I'm hot too...no wonder all you ignorant rednecks hate me) I'm a former captain. (And I produced the greatest victory in Buckeye history. Just ask Gee, who I trust as gospel with everything except his opinion of Boise State) My dad is a former captain. (So there, all you first generation grads have no right to criticize me at all) Are you kidding me? Are you out of your minds? The fact that I even have to answer those questions is mind-boggling to me. (Again, do I have to remind you? I am Kirk Freaking Herbstreit. Your ladies come to see me, you men want to be me, I shouldn't have to explain anything to anyone ever...even though I am on a radio talk show)
I mean they're even reciting "I remember in 04 [about the Alamo Bowl broadcast]". Are you kidding me? (People are still sore about that? I mean the shit I did during the Boise State bowl game was WAAAYYY worse, and that wasn't that long ago...can't you people move on?)
I'm hoping by going on this cruise, that I'm going to have this experience of rational, sane Ohio State people to give me hope that there is still civility among the Ohio State fanbase. (In other words, the rich people who can afford to go on cruises will be much more refined than the average braindead Ohio State fan, who all can't get over me. They will know and tell me how great I am, and that will reinforce how stupid the other 90% of Buckeye nation is. Everyone knows that if you disagree with me, you are automatically an uncivil simpleton...it's the American Way. And this way I get a real tan for a change too...that will make me unstoppable. So, as my good friend and personal hero LeBron would say "Hatahs gonna hate")
Hooley: Good idea, we'll hope for it my man
Otherwise, I'll be in my cabin for 4 days. (I mean imagine it, having to converse with the simpletons who watch TV and pay my salary)
Go bucks! Keep this basketball team going! What are they going to be in cleveland in round 1? Where do they go after that? (See how great that was by me? I not only changed the subject, but threw in an OSU homer reference? Isn't everyone happy now? All of you idiots out there? Ya happy now?)
Hooley: Probably Newark
Then down to houston. Oh and Thad is my hero, he's the man. (And he probably loves me. This is SOOO going my way. Take that, all you hatahs)
Hooley: Thanks for coming on buddy
Take care fellas. (Wait, did I say fellas? I meant ladies...you are the reason I keep my ESPN gig. Hatahs gonna hate, ladies know where it's at though)