Spanking is in the news right now because of the Adrian Petersen situation, but spanking has been under attack for the last 4-5 decades. There are several important facets to the discussion: what is driving the controversy, what is spanking vs. what is abuse, and practical experience vs. “expert” opinion.
If we were going to describe the 1960’s decade as one thing, I would choose the word “anti-authority”. Don’t trust the government, don’t trust your church, and don’t trust your parents. The idea that parents don’t necessarily know best, and that their authority is used to suppress the freedom and rights of their children, became a question in many people’s minds during that time.
The Left is the group that champions that legacy. Where is the left entrenched? Academia and the media, among other places. They oppose parental authority in general, and champion the rights of children. Children are viewed as potential or real victims of parental authority and control. It could be argued that if you wanted to devise a plan to destroy the nuclear family, all you would have to do is follow the principles of Leftist ideology: separate mom/wife from dad/husband via feminism, promote and encourage abortion and divorce, encourage alternative families, and undermine the authority of parents.
As long as parents can use corporal punishment as a discipline tool, the Left sees that as a threat to their agenda, and so they attack it whenever and wherever it pops up. They will cite their studies, and their ideological cousins in the media will eagerly report their biased findings in hopes of swaying, as they see them, an ignorant and misguided public.
I was spanked by my parents, and I spanked my children. I have several degrees, including a doctorate. I am, according to the Left and other errant anti-spanking advocates, one of the ignorant and misguided.
My father used a belt on me many, many times, and on several occasions, that resulted in bruising, and on a handful of occasions it resulted in bleeding from buttocks or legs. My mother used switches from the willow tree out in front of our house. By the beliefs of the Left, my parents committed crimes against me, and if they had been prosecuted under their standards and beliefs, my parents would be serving life sentences. The problem is that I didn’t consider myself an abused child, and I do not believe I was. By punishing me in that way, my parents taught me that authority must be obeyed and respected, and that there are painful consequences to breaking the rules.
That said, I never followed my father’s example precisely. He didn’t communicate and he disciplined out of anger more than love. And yet, my experience is that it still helped me. When I had children, I determined to use spanking only for direct disobedience or disrespect, to only do it out of love with the intent to correct, and to do it in a way that did not make my children fear my hands.
Out of that flowed a set of guidelines for spanking in me and my wife’s home. 1) It was only used in the cases of direct disobedience or disrespect 2) Rules were clear, simple, and few - so that the child knew what would result in a spanking 3) The exact nature of what the violation was explained prior to discipline 4) The spanking was done with a light object (we used wooden spoons with frowny faces drawn on them) 5) We would see if the child was repentant (the goal of the discipline) if so, we would stop; if not, we would re-apply until repentance was expressed/achieved. 6) We would show affection to the child and make it clear that they are loved and accepted. 7) Spanking ceased at age 10. After that age, limitations or withholding of activities, TV, phone, sports, video gaming, and friends were used. Later, the car keys were a tremendous tool.
I would dare say that between the ages of 3 and 6, my son was spanked, on average, multiple times per day, every day. My daughter (less strong-willed, more compliant) was spanked less than 10 times in her life. What both children knew and understood was that we were the parents, we were to be obeyed, and their responsibility was to submit to our authority and do whatever we told them.
Abuse is when children are hit indiscriminately in all kinds of ways, without a clear understanding of the rules, without a clear understanding that they are unconditionally loved, to alleviate the anger of the parent, without communication, and in a way that humiliates the child.
The problem the anti-spankers have is that those of us who grew us getting our hind ends beat for misbehavior know that it did us a lot of good. In addition, we have raised our children, and we all know from experience that sometimes what a child needs is some pain to let them know a certain behavior is unacceptable. In addition, we have seen the non-spankers try to raise their brats. We have seen that they have no answer when little Johnny or Susie gives their parents a raspberry and defies them, and then they do nothing. But we have a solution to make Johnny or Susie understand who is in charge. We know what works and what doesn’t.
I look at Adrian Petersen and applaud his intent to be a real dad and discipline his son. If he came close to, or went over, what I would consider the line between discipline and abuse, I would just want to know that he understands where that line is, and that he has a plan to make sure that he is disciplining, not abusing.
The “experts” rely on studies conducted by leftist academia from sociology, psychology, and child development who find that “spanked” children are violent and prone to every social ill known to man - which we know is nonsense. If that were true me and my children would have long criminal records. We have committed no crimes and are socially well-adjusted people. What those studies reflect is abused children, not children who have been lovingly spanked - but the Leftist agenda must be honored, and so this nonsense gets put out as gospel truth.
Lots of very smart people are anti-spanking advocates. Dr. Phil and Bill O’Reilly among them - which goes to show that even smart people can get sucked into being stupid on occasion.
Spanking is the answer when a small child gives the raspberry and refuses to comply. The non-spanking advocates have no good solution to that scenario. Timeouts, communication, taking away toys/privileges, etc, are all good disciplinary tools to have in your parenting toolbox, and spanking should never be the only disciplinary tool a parent uses, but experience has taught most of us that a good warming of the rear end is the quickest and most effective way to correct a child and establish parental authority. Evidently, that reality is hard for non-spanking advocates to overcome because a large majority of parents outside leftist states continue to spank their children, and view it as effective, necessary, and reasonable.
What worries me is that the Left tends to eventually get their way. I’m 50. By the time I’m gone it wouldn’t surprise me if spanking is criminalized, parental authority is destroyed, and the children will be in charge of themselves. God help us then.
She was like Greg Maddux. She didn't have the heat, but she could hit me in the upper lip with the corner of the yellow pages at sixty paces.
