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Headlines You Don't See Every Day (outside of Florida)

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He probably put his last 50 cents in and the condom just kinda hung there like a candy bar and didn't fall. I want to blow up vending machines when that happens too. Especially if I had an erection at the time. Just sayin'.
 
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Fugitive who sent police selfie to replace 'terrible' mugshot arrested in Florida

A wanted man who police in Ohio said sent them a selfie because he didn't like the mugshot that had been made public was arrested in Florida Tuesday morning.
The Lima News reported that Donald "Chip" Pugh, 45, was arrested outside a public library in Century, Fla., just across the border from Alabama.

Pugh gained notoriety last week after police in Lima said he sent them a selfie showing him in a sport coat and sunglasses to replace the mugshot police had made public. The selfie was accompanied by a message saying "Here is a better photo that one is terrible."
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:lol:

 
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Cops: Florida man used wife’s head to mop up spilled milk after no-jelly rage
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/news-columns-blogs/deadline-miami/article54445655.html

A Florida man is accused of using his wife's head as a mop to sop up spilled milk after he became angry at the lack of jelly in the house.

The Fruitland man told police he woke up and wanted a PB&J and became angry at his spouse when he saw none, according to dailycommercial.com.

That’s when he pushed her head to the floor “to use her head to clean the spilled milk,” according to the report.
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Jaxbuck said:
not some, not half but all my Kraft

if she don't, I'm gonna put my foot dead in her ass
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Stomp her in the jelly donut. . . . .
241.jpg


Can't help myself. This picture has made my day. Fairly sure I won the internet today with this masterpiece.
 
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