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Headlines You Don't See Every Day (outside of Florida)

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Jake said:
Meet Woman Who Had Alligator In Her Yoga Pants
Floridian, 25, removed reptile during 3:15 AM police stop

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El Chapo's attorney asks a judge to intervene over 'cruel and unusual' prison conditions

In addition to the lack of light, the air conditioning in his cell is so loud, he is unable to sleep through the noise, his attorney said. As a result, Guzman has been using toilet paper as earplugs, and he complains of daily headaches and ear pain that makes it impossible for him to use earphones.

Pretty deep considering he's had people chain-sawed to death; eye's gouged out; thrown live into vats of acid, fingers chopped off and knees blown out with ball bats..
 
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Jake said:
Felony Rap In Alleged Sanitary Napkin Battery

A 29-year-old woman was arrested Monday evening after striking a hospital worker with a “used” feminine product that the suspect had removed from her pants.
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Unfortunately, that's not all that random in certain hospital settings. The felony part gives me hope.

But it does remind me of a joke: How do you stump an archaeologist? Give them a used tampon and ask what period it came from.
 
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Birthday Girl Gets Slashy Over No Cake, Gift, Card

Incensed, Zowacki allegedly "grabbed a box cutter" and held it near Rae’s throat “threatening to kill him.” Rae told police that he shoved Zowacki away, but that she came back at him “waving the box cutter.” Rae, the affidavit notes, suffered several cuts on his left arm during the altercation.

Rae told police that Zowacki then trashed his room, thowing his TV on the floor, tipping over a nightstand, and breaking his bed. :slappy:
 
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