Half Of 26-Year-Old's Memories Nintendo-Related

[Dryden]

Half Of 26-Year-Old's Memories Nintendo-Related | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Half Of 26-Year-Old's Memories Nintendo-Related
January 12, 2008 | Issue 44-02

BROOKLYN, NY?Nearly 50 percent of 26-year-old paralegal Philip Jenkins' encoded long-term memories involve button combinations, game-playing experiences, and spatial-cognitive maps of various levels and worlds from Nintendo's line of video-game consoles, a team of neuroscientists reported Tuesday.

The memory-evaluation study, headed by Dr. Franklin McCarroll of New York University's School of Psychology, revealed that approximately 47 percent of Jenkins' hippocampus is dedicated to storing notable video-game victories and frustrating last-minute defeats, while 32 percent of his amygdala contains embedded neurological scripts pertaining to game strategies, character back stories, theme songs, and cheat codes. In addition, his entire dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is devoted to remembering the time he did a helicopter dunk from half-court with Shawn Kemp at the buzzer to beat the Charlotte Hornets 82-81 in NBA Jam: Tournament Edition.

Cont'd ...

 

[Buckeyedynasty]

That's really creepy.

 

[Mike80]

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[OCBuckWife]

Guys, it's the Onion. Think that over for a minute, ok?

 

[BUCKYLE]

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C-C-Contra!

What just happened?

 

[powerlifter]

007 373 5963 Tyson............

 

[Buckeyedynasty]

Guys, it's the Onion. Think that over for a minute, ok?

Sorry didn't catch that at first. I was just kinda reading the little snippet that was posted.

 

[Tonyank]

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[BrutusMaximus]

A B A C A B B

 

[ulukinatme]

n addition, his entire dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is devoted to remembering the time he did a helicopter dunk from half-court with Shawn Kemp at the buzzer to beat the Charlotte Hornets 82-81 in NBA Jam: Tournament Edition.

I seriously thought for a moment that this article was true, hell coulda been me, till I read that. Then I saw the top of the thread that it was from the Onion F'in hilarious though with the helicopter dunk at the buzzer

 

[BuckeyeNation27]

I was literally unbeatable at NBA Jam. NBA Jam TE sucked.