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Favorite Simpsons quotes

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I think one of the greatest episodes of all is barts birthday. He gets all the crappy gifts.

Homer (to operator at "HSN"): Do you have any of those am microphones left?!

Operator (as he turns around and looks at a warehouse full) : Yeah, we got a couple.

Bart uses the labelmaker and puts "property of bart simpson" on all kinds of stuff.

Homer: "Awww, there's only one beer left and it's barts."

we got a great big convoy, aint she a beautiful sight...
 
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When Homer and Barney were training to see who would go into space.

Barney takes a drink of celebratory champaigne as he is chosen to go.

Barney: "IT HAS BEGUN"!!! *as he takes off running with the bottle*

NASA Guy: "I don't understand, that was non-alcoholic champaigne"
 
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My favorite non-regular character has always been Lionel Hutz.

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."


Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.


Judge: Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah ... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law ... talkin' ... guy.


Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Marge: But we did win.
Lionel Hutz: That's okay. The box is empty
 
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Homer's version of the Flintstones

"Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history....
From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree... aaaaggghhh"

Then the Stampy episode:

Homer accidentally hits the deer statue

Homer: "Doh!"
Lisa: " A deer"
Marge: "A femaile deer"

When Homer gets to coach...

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Homer talking to the Smashing Pumpkins
"Thanks to your gloomy depressing music, my children no longer hope for a future that I can not afford to give them"
 
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Grampa Simpson: "We can?t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don?t go anywhere?like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you?d say.

"Now where were we? Oh yeah?the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn?t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
 
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Karl: Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape.
Karl: I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Karl: Apes. But they're not so big.
 
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When Homer is trying to get life insurance:

Insurance Rep: Mr. Simpson before we can insure you we need to ask you some questions. Have you ever had a heart attack?

Homer: Haven't we all.

Insurance Rep: Strokes?

Homer: None...no wait, three. (chuckles) Since the last one I don't remember so good (one eye blinks slowly).

Insurance Rep: Are you a smoker?

Homer: Yes I am.

Marge: You don't smoke!!

Homer: Shhh!! (whispering) I want her to think I'm cool.



Same epsiode--Marge and Homer arguing after Homer bought an RV...

Marge: I am so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries! It was twenty years ago!

Homer: That was my Woodstock!
 
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