It's not enough to get people sick with their current food chain....let's open another one to find new ways to sicken folks....
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- Thread starter Captain Hindsight
- Start date
buxfan4life
The future's so bright, I've gotta wear... shades.
"Chipotle to open new food chain - Ebola Burger!!"
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In all seriousness though Fairfield County is a good location for a fast casual burger joint. County pop is over 160k and basically doubled since the mid 90s. Lancaster City pop is over 40k and remained constant since the 70s. Much of Carroll has either gone north towards Pickerington or south to Lancaster. With the bypass completed can hit either CBus or Athens in under 25 min (the drive through Nelsonville really sucked when I did it in the mid 90s).
We've got one Five Guys, in the entire county. No Graffiti, no Smashburger. Our Chipotle is consistently packed with a line to the entrance during peak hours. You'll wait half an hour for a table at Applebee's, Max & Ermas, or the Texas Roadhouse. Hell, even our Steak & Shake is out of the question for a table for six on a Sunday.
The Dominion/Centrex development only has 2000 homes on 5000 lots. Would not be surprised if County Pop is over 200k by the 2020 census.
We've got one Five Guys, in the entire county. No Graffiti, no Smashburger. Our Chipotle is consistently packed with a line to the entrance during peak hours. You'll wait half an hour for a table at Applebee's, Max & Ermas, or the Texas Roadhouse. Hell, even our Steak & Shake is out of the question for a table for six on a Sunday.
The Dominion/Centrex development only has 2000 homes on 5000 lots. Would not be surprised if County Pop is over 200k by the 2020 census.
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I had this once. I was at a hotel in Houston for some deposition. The hotel was linked underground to other buildings downtown because the outside was a humid smog filled nightmare. Anyway, there was a Chick-Fil-A down there. . .
So I tried it out. It was some soggy chicken on a a bun, with a pickle. WTF!? Whatever, I took a bite.
I don't know what they did to that chicken, and I don't care. It was freaking delicious.
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Okay, I did some googling.
It appears they beat the chickens first, like full out pummel them. It causes the flesh to swell and get really juicy just before they decapitate them and make them into yummy sandwiches. But that is not their only secret. . .
Here is where the virgins come in. . .
I am probably going to get sued for revealing this, but after they kick around the chickens for a while and then behead them, the menstrual blood of a virgin is used to revive the headless chicken. With the proper amount of hemoglobin, the chicken can live headless, and its flesh only jucifies, and grows.
Once this now insanely fierce and fat menstrual blood loving beaten headless chicken gets to just the right size, between 4.5 and 4.75 pounds, it has its flesh ripped from its body and turned into amazing sandwiches. God love science.
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Confession.
I've never had Chick-Fil-A. I spent most if my years growing up in Springfield (save the laughter for the end, please.) I don't think Chick-Fil-A was a big thing then, but I wouldn't know because Springfield doesn't have one, to this day. Campus didn't have one when I was going to school. Does it have one now?
Anyway, now whenever I have an opportunity for Chick-Fil-A, in the past 5 or so years, it is always Sunday. Sunday. Damn cultists. Hey, why make an estimated extra 25% profit, when we can sit at home and do nothing while we worship something that we have no proof even exists! At Tuttle Crossing mall? Sunday. Sawmill Rd.? Sunday. On vacation and happen to pass one while going somewhere to eat? Sunday. No joke. I don't want anyone to think I haven't ever been near a Chick-Fil-A when it wasn't Sunday, I have. It just so happens that whenever that happens, I've just eaten somewhere else. I really need to make it a point to say "fuck it, I'm going Chick-Fil-A and nowhere else," but I haven't so I guess it's my fault.
But I would have had Chick-Fil-A by now if these chicken fuckers were open on Sunday.
There, burger thread derailed.
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No offense buddy, but we try to keep this thread measured and reasonable. Please don't post again.
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This is why you shouldn't post here. You lack simple reading comprehension.
The chickens weren't menstruating, the young fertile female humans were. The chickens were headless and if you knew a single thing about poultry you'd know that they don't "menstruate" as such, they slowly bleed out of their eyes.
I really don't know why I bother with you fools.
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The best burger I have ever eaten was at Human Cafe in Boston. The name was more than a little prescient.
Well, to be short, the owner was a serial killer and the burger was human. To be clear, I am not a cannibal. Well, I ate human, but I didn't know it at the time. Opinions obviously vary on certain topics of cannibalism, hey, we wouldn't be human if we didn't have opinions on cannibalism, but I feel that intent is important. One must want to eat human to satisfy their cannibalism, but to just eat it randomly by accident, well that sort of thing happens.
Anyway, it is hard to describe the exact texture and taste, I guess the best comparison is dog meat.
Well, to be short, the owner was a serial killer and the burger was human. To be clear, I am not a cannibal. Well, I ate human, but I didn't know it at the time. Opinions obviously vary on certain topics of cannibalism, hey, we wouldn't be human if we didn't have opinions on cannibalism, but I feel that intent is important. One must want to eat human to satisfy their cannibalism, but to just eat it randomly by accident, well that sort of thing happens.
Anyway, it is hard to describe the exact texture and taste, I guess the best comparison is dog meat.
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I may be a fool but I read "virgin." Virgin does not imply human. You may be a lawyer but I specialize in bird law. You have besmirched me and I demand satisfaction. I challenge you to a dual.
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