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Decanonized Mythologized Disgraced Ped State Monster Coach Joe Paterno (Zombie Icon)

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Some great ideas from EDSBS

LINK

EDSBS said:
Joe Paterno suffered a hairline fracture of his pelvis and shoulder this weekend in practice, the victim of a blindside run-in with 5'7", 157 pound WR Devon Smith. The fractures require no surgery, but undoubtedly hurt like hell and will be yet another physical ailment for the 182 year old coach to grin and bear going into the 2011 season. As Sports By Brooks said: "WHY IS JOE PATERNO HIDING THE DETAILS OF HIS OWN ASSAULT?" [picture with arrows]
There were no details about protection specifically designed for Paterno, or whether Devon Smith managed to weave through bodyguards charged with protecting the Penn State coach. Given the pattern, though, we have no choice but to assume Penn State continues to provide inadequate institutional security for the coach. Thus EDSBS, as a public service, will fill in the gaps that those in State College Pennsylvania refuse to, and provide solid, reasonable proposals for the protection of our greatest living coach and national football treasure.
1. TERRARIUM
...

2. PROTECTIVE BUBBLE
...

3. A REALLY HUGE HAND
...
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There has been little talk about it this offseason, probably because Joe prefers not to talk about it, but he's at 401 career victories, only 7 away from Eddie Robinson's Division I record. He's got no chance of catching John Gagliardi for the all-division record, since Gagliardi, who's a few weeks older than JoePa, has 478 wins, and is still coaching at DIvision III St. John's in Minnesota.

If they get 8 wins this year, which isn't a sure thing, Penn State may finally be able to not renew his contract, which only his this year left on it. There are probably several PSU decision makers that are hoping he gets the 8 wins and then has a temporary health issue which will make Joe think it's finally time for him to retire.
 
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CBS

Paterno out of hospital, expected back Wednesday

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. -- Joe Paterno was released from the hospital Tuesday, two days after getting blindsided at Penn State practice by a player and injuring his right shoulder and pelvis.

The school said in a statement the 84-year-old coach was looking forward to returning to practice Wednesday.

"It's time for everyone to turn the attention to the team," Paterno said in the brief statement. "We have a lot of hard work ahead in order to be as good as we think we can be."

Penn State confirmed on Tuesday afternoon that no surgery was required for Paterno, and that "precautionary measures" were complete. The team did not offer any more details about the injuries.

He was back home by late morning. The Hall of Fame coach spoke with his assistants Tuesday as they prepared to lead two-a-day sessions.

After stopping by the house to check in on Paterno, son and quarterback coach Jay Paterno said he ended up instead getting grilled about practice.

"He's fine. ... It turned into a little work session," Jay Paterno said with a chuckle earlier Tuesday in a phone interview. "I wish I was as tough as he is."

The latest health issue won't push his father into retirement, either.

"This is nothing more than a small blip on the radar," he said.

Cont'd ...
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Penn State Players All Worried They're Going To Be The One Who Accidentally Kills Joe Paterno

STATE COLLEGE, PA?Hospitalized after a receiver crashed into him on the field last Sunday, Joe Paterno?s return to practice Wednesday came as a vast relief to Penn State players, all of whom live in constant fear of being the one who inevitably kills the 84-year-old head coach.

?Every day we go to the field worried about which one of us will accidentally bump into Coach, cause his entire body to fall apart, and kill him,? senior defensive end Jack Crawford said. ?There?s no doubt we are going to be the ones responsible for his death. That?s inevitable. It?s just a question of who and when."

?At this point, it?s part of the Happy Valley tradition," Crawford added. "No names on the jerseys, ringing the victory bell, and being very, very careful not to be the reason Coach Paterno dies."

Paterno, who suffered minor fractures during Sunday?s accident, also had his leg broken during a 2006 game against Wisconsin and injured himself in a 2008 practice while demonstrating an onside kick. In fact, Nittany Lions players and coaches confirmed, Paterno has been close to death an average of once a week for the past 30 years.

"His heart and lungs actually first stopped functioning for a few minutes when Alabama upset Penn State in the 1979 Sugar Bowl," Penn State athletic director Timothy Curley said. "And I estimate about 13 times since then. For God's sake, don't tell him, but after that kid ran into him Sunday, Coach Paterno was clinically dead for five minutes."

...cont...
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They should just go ahead and stuff him, with little wheels on the bottom of his feet so that they can maneuver him around. No need to get a new coach, really. Bowden proved you can head coach for years while not actually head coaching.
 
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Gatorubet;1968920; said:
They should just go ahead and stuff him, with little wheels on the bottom of his feet so that they can maneuver him around. No need to get a new coach, really. Bowden proved you can head coach for years while not actually head coaching.
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Do you not know that they already did that? Or do you want them to do that again?
 
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What's the question?

A:
ScriptOhio;1991027; said:
Anyone think JoPa will get 7 more wins in the remaing 10 (or 11 games with a bowl) this year and pass Eddie Robinson?
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or

B:
(If so) Anyone think JoPa will call it a career, and finally retire?
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A: Yes. I think he will get seven wins this year.

B (if so): No. He can't quit, he doesn't have it in him. However, within the next three years, he will die in a tragic pudding mishap. Either that, or he won't.
 
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joe-paterno.jpg

"I shat in my pants, dammit!"
 
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MightbeaBuck;1991048; said:
B (if so): No. He can't quit, he doesn't have it in him. However, within the next three years, he will die in a tragic pudding mishap. Either that, or he won't.
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I saw the last 15 minutes or so of a program discussing the Penn St. va Bama games through the years. It talked about how Bear Bryant retired in '82 (I believe) and died less than 3 months later. One of the Penn St. people interviewed stated that Joe Pa is still cognizant of that fact and because of that is reluctant to retire. Football is his whole life and if he retired Joe Pa thinks that he wouldn't be long for this world.....
 
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JoePa will retire at the end of the season, the AP says it has been confirmed.

Still leaving this thread closed for now. The above post has the link to the Sandusky thread.
 
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