2023 MD DE Desmond Umeozulu (South Carolina Signee)
- By Abenaki
- Football Recruiting
- 19 Replies
South Carolina
Upvote
0
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature currently requires accessing the site using the built-in Safari browser.
Yes I feel bad because he was my little brother, younger b 6 years. He was always hard headed, could never get him to play sports, climb trees, go to the creek and look from crawdads, all he wanted to do was watch TV and then eventually got into video games, first Atari then Nintendo. After he graduated he moved to Las Vegas, got a job in a casino and worked his way up from dishwasher to bartender. Had a pretty good gig at one of the casinos on the strip but unfortunately between the gambling, booze,coke and hookers he could never get ahead and struggled to pay his bills. One night he came home so blitzed that he drove his truck through his neighbor's garage door. He got out, went next door to his house and went to bed, the next thing he knew the cops were waking him up. He did some time and had to pay restitution. After that he bounced around with whoever would take him in but he never got his vices under control. He never had a serious relationship with a woman, never really grew up and was content to drive Uber and live with one of our parents. He eventually got into trading stocks, he found wall street bets on Reddit and got hooked. He said it gave him a bigger thrill than gambling. During the pandemic he was somehow able to get a 8 grand check from the state for unemployment but it sounded to me that there was some kind of fraud. My father who is also on his last legs is one of those who doesn't believe in banks and he gave him cash to hold, foolishly. He ended up investing it in crypto and lost it, them the state came calling for the money they gave him. Nobody knows what he was thinking because never liked to talk much about what he was doing but one day he didn't come home. His phone was off so no one could call him. Ten days later they found him in a dry lake bed 30 miles outside of town. He shot himself in the head with a family heirloom that again my father had given him to hold onto.it was really sad but on the other hand I'm grateful that whatever hell he'd been going through his whole life was over. Of course I wish that I had been able to do or say something to set him on a better path but the reality is he never listened to anyone and this was inevitable. The majority of my memories of him are from when he was really little and I used to play with him inside the house. One of his hobbies was farting into a tape recorder and playing them back for people. For some reason that made him laugh, seeing our faces, trying not to laugh and at the same time being deeply disturbed. As an adult one of his favorite bands was a metal group called Fudge Tunnel and I remember him being upset that I wouldn't give them a listen. RIP little JoeAnd I'm sorry for that loss.
I had never understood the concept of self forgiveness, I always thought it was a self-pity type charade. In time I found that I was wrong and survivors guilt can be a real thing.
We almost always find ourselves asking 'what more could I have done?'. Unfortunately that sort of question is done through the perspective of hindsight. All we can do is the best we have with the tools, knowledge and a bit of compassion from our current moment. Perhaps try to be better and utilize this experience for anything that might occur later. So while it isn't something I struggled with, I did finally have to admit that there was almost nothing I, or damn near anyone else for that matter, could have done to save my brother.
Sadly it just ends up being something we have to accept and live with. Perhaps even find or develop better parts of ourselves we didn't know existed.
I hope the passing of time eases your grief, and you find some semblance of peace.
Or to quote one of my favorite lines (which ended up as a deleted scene)
- "What can anyone do when faced with such death?.... You go on living"
Tu Salud
This place really needs some college football. Fortunately, it starts this weekend.
Why Nebraska and Northwestern are playing each other in Ireland, I'll never know.