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LGHL If This Were A Movie: Ohio State fights a losing battle against the killer robots of ‘Chopping Mall’

If This Were A Movie: Ohio State fights a losing battle against the killer robots of ‘Chopping Mall’
Jami Jurich
via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
Visit their fantastic blog and read the full article (and so much more) here


Michigan v Ohio State

Photo by Ben Jackson/Getty Images

Someone get a technician in the control room, I beg of you.

Honestly, the vibes are so rancid in this moment that it’s hard to even come up with a film that encapsulates what we all witnessed today. The season isn’t over, but it felt like we were attending our own funeral for most of this afternoon. It appeared to be less like a movie and more like a circus nightmare.

But in the spirit of Black Friday yesterday and my unrelated desire to wear black today and for the foreseeable future, humor me: Let’s imagine that today’s game took place not in The Shoe but at the Park Plaza Mall, the setting for the 1986 film “Chopping Mall.”

Park Plaza has recently installed a new, state-of-the-art security system: Robots named Protectors 1, 2 and 3. But when a lightning storm damages their control system, the Protectors go rogue, chasing and killing teens who have decided to throw a party in the mall’s furniture store overnight.

Before the robots began to unleash their horrors, the teens had big dreams of a night of fun with friends, lawlessness, and teenage antics. So too did the dreams of Buckeye fans die a painful death today—dreams of finally snapping our losing streak to the Wolverines. Dreams of handing them a double-digit loss en route to the Big Ten Championship. They were to be but a speed bump before it was off to the races.

Then disaster seemed to strike the control room. In the film, the robots make short work of their own technicians, meaning the teens are left to defend themselves against a murderous band of technoids. It wasn’t much different in the game: The Wolverines seemed to manhandle Ohio State’s offense at every turn, and the coaching decisions were inexplicable against a team the Buckeyes were expected to beat easily.

The defense, on the other hand, had some trick plays up its sleeve: Propane tanks and booby traps took the form of interceptions, big third-down stops. They were fighting for their lives out there, just like the teens who come up with some clever solutions to protect themselves in the film.

It wasn’t enough, in the end. The robots were out for blood, defending their streak against the Buckeyes, while the Ohio State players seemed to get in their own way at every turn (TWO missed field goals! Sloppy interceptions! Useless run plays! Failing to capitalize on multiple Wolverine turnovers). But more egregiously, any adjustments that would have been welcomed from the, uh, control room technicians (aka the coaches) never came.

In the film, it could be said the teens shouldn’t have been in the mall in the first place, but realistically, the robots shouldn’t have been allowed to malfunction and go on a killing spree, with or without the teens present.

Similarly, OSU should never have been put in a position to get in their own way – their miscues were unacceptable, but they weren’t the root problem. The logic board went bad. The control room combusted.

And in an effort to provide some actual football analysis here, what was the reason? Sure, the Wolverines were hungry, but Ohio State continued to let them snack! Why the Buckeyes continued to run the football straight up the middle into the mouths of the starving Wolverines is beyond explanation, and actually, much like we’ve seen in some of the other games where the Buckeyes have struggled, the coaches (specifically head coach Ryan Day and offensive coordinator Chip Kelly) either failed or simply refused to adjust the strategy. There continues to be poor clock management from Day, and Kelly’s play calling was inexcusable.

Beyond seeing the film’s survivors walk out of the mall, we can only imagine the ramifications afterward: Lawsuits, news coverage and most likely, a few people out of their jobs. There’s certainly no legal standing for a lawsuit over this football game (unless I’m allowed to sue for emotional damages), but Day and Kelly’s positions should, frankly, be on the line to make up for the slaughtering their team underwent today. It’s time we fix the issues in the control room, before Protector No. 4 turns next year’s Game into a sequel.

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LGHL The worst loss in recent memory: Ohio State has a real problem yet again

The worst loss in recent memory: Ohio State has a real problem yet again
Caleb Houser
via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
Visit their fantastic blog and read the full article (and so much more) here


Syndication: The Columbus Dispatch

Kyle Robertson/Columbus Dispatch / USA TODAY NETWORK via Imagn Images

The Buckeyes fail to beat their rivals for the fourth year in a row in a game that should be forgotten.

Sick.

That’s the only single word that comes to mind if asking for a one-word reaction to how Buckeye Nation is feeling right now. For the fourth consecutive time, the Buckeyes fail to beat their rival in a game where once again they had the upper hand in several areas.

You could probably sum it up right there, but we need to take a deeper look at the issues at hand in Columbus. Hopefully this rant helps you release some emotions that are completely understandable.

The first reaction when seeing the score is wondering how on Earth this team with this much talent only scored 10 points. Just 10 points against a defense that has lost five games on the year. 10 points to a defense without their best cornerback. 10. points.

The first drive of the game the Buckeyes moved the ball down the field with ease thanks to the passing game, and that should have been the plan all day long considering the points just argued. Knowing full well Michigan is without their best defensive back, why would you not throw the ball twice the amount of times you keep it on the ground?

Having to settle for a field goal was issue No. 1 on the opening drive, and that is on the play-calling. Chip Kelly called the worst game possible and picked the worst time to do it. It honestly made me question if Ryan Day had taken over with how bad it looked.

To consistently ram your head into the same wall is just maddening. It would take about two seconds of thought to realize running the ball directly up the gut into the best interior defensive line in the country probably isn’t the best choice there, yet here we are watching it over and over to little success.

Don’t get me started on stretch runs into the boundary either. Ohio State’s infatuation with that specific ideology for several years running is beyond dumb. Running the ball to the short end of the field without a numbers advantage has never worked, and once again it reared its ugly head today.

In my 30-years of watching this team, I have never been so embarrassed. How can this program continue to play its worst game of the season in the most important one? It’s simple — It’s all on the coaching.

Seeing this offense play scared all day long is hard to wrap your mind around knowing the amount of talent at their disposal. The times they did push the ball down the field through the air it worked. Yes, in a huge moment Carnell Tate dropped a pass in the fourth quarter, but my biggest gripe with play-calling today is the consistent desire to run the ball on virtually every first down.

Then, again, whether needing two or three yards or even 10, Kelly would call for another run on second down that rarely went anywhere, setting up obvious passing situations on third downs. That is very hard for a quarterback to constantly overcome, and Will Howard was not able to rise to the occasion.

Another gripe: why does Ohio State have a bad kicker every single year? The last time a kicker in a Buckeye uniform was dependable feels like decades ago with Mike Nugent! Leaving six points on the board is sickening, and you have no excuse at Ohio State to continuously have this situation come up.

I don’t expect kickers to be perfect, but to miss not one, but two kicks inside of 40 yards is gross. Considering high school kickers regardless of wind make that range and in the biggest moments you miss two? Just cannot happen, especially as you watch Michigan — who brought in an elite kicker through the transfer portal — drill one with ease from 50-plus yards.

Additionally, seeing this team derail their last efforts of hope with the timeout blunder in the fourth quarter is all you need to look at if we’re being honest. How does that happen? It’s 3rd-and-2. If you can get a stop and force a field goal there you have a real shot, but instead you gift them five yards, a first down, and most of all lose your timeout and contribute to them bleeding the clock even more.

This team is flat out poorly coached in big moments far too often, and that’s where this conversation should end.

I’ll just keep this going...


Ryan Day. It’s just time. I don’t see how three years of this let alone four is acceptable any more. Day is a great guy, but let’s just call it like it is right now. He cannot get the job done.

There’s maybe no one reason you can directly point to as the cause, but that is the issue. There’s too many recurring problems for a team with this much talent and resources to constantly be playing this poorly in the game that means the most.

You’ve been more talented. You’ve brought in different coaches. You have played down the rivalry and then made it the most important game ever, and it’s still the same result for the fourth year in a row.

He coaches different in this game compared to others, and it’s dead wrong. There’s never creativity. Never a moment where aggression and play calling go hand-in-hand. Once again, Michigan throws in a trick play, while it’s doesn’t work, it got them a pass interference call. I am not saying you need trick plays to win big games, but clearly the safe and conservative approach isn’t working either.

You have an advantage all over the field with your receivers against their secondary and you didn’t lean into it. Jeremiah Smith, Emeka Egbuka, Carnell Tate and the rest of the skill guys cannot be guarded. But no, continue to run into Mason Graham and Kenneth Grant. I will truly never understand that aspect to this game. If it’s this “toughness” mantra Day is trying to win against still, then just end it now.

Knowing how many guys came back for this single game and still had the same result tells me all I need to ever know. Day does not have what it takes to beat Michigan, and neither does this staff. Argue it all you want, but what have we seen to believe any different?

You can argue that players have to execute too, and I fully support that stance and agree, but coaches also have to put players in the best place for success. I do not see that being the case anytime the god-forsaken winged helmets are lined up across the field.

I do believe Day is a good football coach. I do. It’s not lost on me there are a ton of bright spots to look at in his tenure. But fair or not, fans know this game alone is how you are judged, and he’s so deep into the John Cooper era it’s scary.

We’ve been let down again. The defense played hard, and while they weren’t perfect, this game is on the offensive staff and that side of the ball. Even a win or two in the College Football Playoff will not take the sting off of this game. The anger we have felt for years continued again on Saturday, and it’s another long wait until you get another crack at them.

I fully believe by then there has to be a change at the helm, because if not, why would I believe anything other than the same result?

Be better. End of story.

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LGHL LGHL Experts Predictions Podcast: 2024 Ohio State vs. M*ch*g*n edition

LGHL Experts Predictions Podcast: 2024 Ohio State vs. M*ch*g*n edition
Matt Tamanini
via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
Visit their fantastic blog and read the full article (and so much more) here


ohio_state_michigan_score_predictions.0.jpeg

Made with Google AI

And we only have to fire one person for their prediction!

Listen to the episode and subscribe:

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As is tradition here at the Land-Grant Podcast Network, for The Game, we have gathered together a handful of experts from our staff in order to give a full spectrum of predictions about what we think is going to happen in The Horseshoe this afternoon when the No. 2 Ohio State Buckeyes host the Corn and Blue from Ann Arbor. Some of these predictions come from episodes in our podcast feed from throughout the week, while others are completely original for this podcast.

If you can’t get enough of LGHL’s predictions for The Game, head over to our official predictions article, where we have even more LGHL staff members who go on the record with their score, MVP, and major storyline predictions for The Game.



Connect with Matt Tamanini
Online Portfolio:
authory.com/MattTamanini

Music by: epidemicsound.com


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