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You ever do anything stupid that coulda got you killed?

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In high school, was racing a buddy of mine. We came up on a light and the light turn red. I slammed on the breaks because it was a busy intersection, slide through the intersection to the other side of teh road where they were just starting to put in a new road. If I would have done it a week earlier there would have been a pole right where my car stopped.
 
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holybuckeye33;722275; said:
Beeham run?? If so, we were still doing that 15-20 years later.
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Naw...it was in town. Edgeworth Lane going toward the park.

But Beeham Run Road and Rt 285 were lots of fun. You know the steep hill going South on 285? One time we had a rain that froze overnight. I'm going South from 22, and getting up the hill in my 4WD is easy. But going down...I kept sliding. Couldn't back up, could not safely continue. So I dropped the right two wheels off the side the road where they could get some traction and creeped down the hill safely. Scared the xit out of me.
 
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When I was much younger, we used to ride a "flying turtle" down a friend's driveway, across a two lane road, and into a ditch of stagnant water. Went across the street about five feet in front of a car doing about 25. Never did it again.
 
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About 3rd or 4th grade, me and my lil bro found a bunch of tires behind an old tire shop. The guy said he didn't want them. So we decided it would be fun to carry them up the hill and roll them down the coal chute into our basement. It was so fun, we filled the entire (long since unused) coal room with tires.

Dad was not as impressed. Told us to lose the tires.

Whereas we were content to carry each tire all the way up the road, we were not so content to carry them back down. It seemed so...redundant.

So we rolled the tires down the road one at a time, about 800 to 1,000 feet, into cross traffic, and on down to the rail road tracks.

Amazingly, we never hit a single car.
 
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So this might be a little long, and I apologize in advance. So I?m driving back to Cleveland from the Stagg Bowl with three of my good friends. So we?re on our way home and about half way we stop at some greasy fast food joint to get some chow. We get into Ohio about an hour and a half after we get done eating, our stomachs are churning and we know something is about to be released. We should?ve known this was going to happen because the night before, we got absolutely smashed. Greasy fast food coupled with a few cases of brew equals the most wretched beer farts ever.

So my friend who was in the passenger seat starts to get a little uneasy, and all of the sudden, he lets a real ripe one fly. It doesn?t take long for it to consume the entire car. Honestly folks, this one could peel paint off the walls. Within seconds, we're all gagging and we roll down the windows. I turn to my friend and I say if he does that one more time, I?m pulling over and he can find his own way home. No less than a minute goes by, I hear a snicker directly behind me. Five seconds later, the stench of rotten eggs works its way to our noses and this one was worse than the last. What the fuck!?!?!

I look back and my buddy is rolling in the back seat, laughing his ass off. We roll down the windows again and instead of the gaseous matter flowing out the window, it just swirls around the car. I looked back and told him he done good, caught me with my mouth open that time, nearly squeezing my wind pipe shut. We roll up the windows and as soon as I do, my friend behind the front seat passenger lifts his legs up and cuts one of the loudest, most foul smelling bombs of all time.

The combination of sulfuric gasses and sheer force nearly ruined the back seat of my car, and all of us were forcing ourselves not to barf everywhere. In all honesty, I think he ruined his drawers and was damn close to tearing a hole in the upholstery. During the carnage and madness of fast food beer farts, trying to maintain focus driving, yours truly was secretly coming up with a plan. The entire time my friends were releasing their glory, I was brewing my own, waiting for the perfect moment to let it rip.

The time has arrived. Here was the foolproof plan that I knew was going to work. While my friends were all laughing, giving each other high fives, I flipped the switch on the child safety locks for the windows. My plan was working. They had no idea. I waited earnestly until the time was right, and I cut something sweet that would be the ?be all end all? of gastro-intestinal matter. As it leaked it out of my ass, I could feel the warmth of my accomplishment. I knew I had disrespected the all-leather seats, but I didn?t care?it was payback.

As the stink crept its way skyward, I was the first to catch the first whiff. Instantly my nose hairs withered, then I held my breath. My friend behind me was the first to catch the goodness, and for a second, I thought he passed out. Then the others caught wind, and it was over. My friends tried to roll down the windows, but to no avail, they couldn?t. This fart could easily halt a charging rhino in its tracks. Haaaaahahahaha, SUCCESS!!! Payback?s a bitch?or so I thought.

I was laughing so hard, my eyes started to tear up, not only from the comedy that I was witnessing, but also from the absolute horrendous odor that didn?t go away. Here?s where I almost kill us. By this time, we all had enough of the beast fart, and it was time to get some fresh air. While I laughing, I took my hand off the child safety control to put both hands on the wheel. I tried finding the controls with my hand, but I was still laughing so hard I couldn?t, so I took my eyes off the road, wiped my eyes, and searched for the button. As I looked down, without me knowing it, we started to veer of the freeway. I found the button, told my friends they could roll down the windows, and just then, the passenger yells out, ?LOOK OUT!!!? I look up, and we were about to slam into the wall. Not only was I off the road, but the road was curving to the right. So I swerve to the right just in the nick of time before we crash into the wall at 75 mph.

The lessons were learned today still hold true to me this day. Don?t get fast food after a night of boozing, respect the leather seats, and don?t try to pay your friends back by fucking around with the child safety locks on the windows. Hope you enjoyed the story, and please be careful driving while farting, it could be deadly.
 
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The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast
appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish! Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed like a
quark and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
 
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NFBuck;723820; said:
The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast
appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish! Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed like a
quark and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
Click to expand...


Isn't a whale a mammal?
 
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NFBuck;723820; said:
The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast
appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish! Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed like a
quark and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
Click to expand...

Is that a titleist?
.
.
.
Talk about a hole in one!
Sein_ep514.jpg
 
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NFBuck;723820; said:
The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast
appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish! Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed like a
quark and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
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