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What Song Would You Sing to Audition for American Idol?

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I'd sing a Paula Abdul song, because she's okay and all, but it isn't like she ever won American Idol like I'm going to do. The judges will be stunned and overwhelmed by my amazing and superior talent, and they will proclaim me the American Idol on the spot. The show will become me competing against myself before ultimately emerging victorious after a vicious fight both on stage and in the media (slanderous bitch!), and then I would be rich, famous, and probably a blonde forevermore.

I would also do a jig.
 
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This one's easy.

It would be "I-95 The Asshole Song" by August Campbell And The Spur Of The Monent Band. I'd get down on one knee and get right in front of Simon, then serenade him.

"Were You Born, An Asshole,
Or Did you Work At It Your Whole Life.?:box:
 
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I'd sing a bit of King Missile....

Probably... Detachable Penis.

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.
 
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"Break Like the Wind" by Spinal Tap

spinal%20tap%20group%20live.jpg
 
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I actually used to do Adam Sandler's At a Medium Pace at karaoke. Although I can't sing well, I can mimick Sandler's voice and inflections pretty well. Always brought the house down laughing. I would be funny as hell to sing that to Paula:

Put your arms around me baby
Can't you see I need you so
Hold me close against your skin
I'm about to begin
Lovin' you

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock
At a medium pace
Play with my balls and tell me
How big they are
Honey, rub your beaver
Up and down my face
Sit on the corner of the bed
And watch me whack off...

Complete Lyrics
 
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