Venting about Catholic Weddings

[BigWoof31]

A little Friday morning Catharsis about a subject that's been frustrating me for the past two weeks.

Backstory: I've been engaged for about three weeks. My better half and I have begun the planning of our wedding.
We are both Catholic and so are our families.

We're both 30 years old and have attended the weddings of many family and friends. Our preference is an "All in One" celebration. With wedding, cocktail hour and reception being held at the same facility (with some combination of indoor/ourdoor settings being preferred).
However the Catholic Church is 100% non-flexible on this issue.


1. Priests will not travel outside of the rectory or the chuch to perform the ceremony without the expresses consent of the Arch-Bishop of your city/region.
2. The Marriage Ceremony between two catholics must be a full mass. There is no option for a non-communial ceremony no matter the make up of your guests.
3. You must use Church approved musicians and singers (and pay church approved rates). Interested in lighting a unity candle as part of your ceremony? You must purchase them through the church (and each one is more expensive than a beer and a hotdog at Cowboy Stadium).
4. If you choose to decorate the church in flowers of your choosing, you must leave them as a gift to the church and used florists approved by the Archdiocese.
5. You must attend and pay for chuch approved marriage classes prior to your ceremony. I'm not as fired up about this one, I respect the planning and time it takes for the counselors to host these events.
6. Looking to have your event on a Saturday? You have two choice of times. 2:00-3:15 or 5:30-6:45. Doesn't work with the schedule of the reception? Sucks for you.
7. Of course, lets not forget the 900-1400 dollar fee for the ceremony.



Im not a Charlie Churchy but I'm also not a Christmas/Easter Catholic. I can say with absolute certainty that I've never been more sour on the Catholic church than I am right now. This has been a very poor experience thus far.

 

[buckeyebri]

My wife is Catholic and I was raised Lutheran, or as many like to say Catholic lite. Much to the dismay of her parents we married outside of the Catholic Church and outside of the traditional Polish (300-500 guest) scenario. You have hit the nail on the head with many of the reasons we chose to do this. We renewed our vows in the Catholic Church for our 10th anniversary with our daughter and my wife's parents (back in the will now).

Even though I attend the Catholic Church and our daughter went to Catholic school, I have never converted to the Catholic religion. There was just to much of this kind of B.S. involved in it.

Good luck!

 

[BigWoof31]

Even though I attend the Catholic Church and our daughter went to Catholic school, I have never converted to the Catholic religion. There was just to much of this kind of B.S. involved in it.

Good luck!

Thank you.
I understand and appreciate the need for some of the aforementioned rules. But many are simply backwards and very dated.

Many parishes struggle with finances and fundraising. I'm telling you now, I would pay double the ceremony fee if a priest would preside over our ceremony at the location of our choosing. I'm not asking to be married on a roller coaster or some bullshit location.

Priests are very visable around town blessing hospitals, schools, constuction sites, bridges, parks...etc
Why the hell can't they join us and bless our union? I'm not asking for a Sunday morning wedding at 10:00am when they would be otherwise occupied.

This is a very, very antiquated policy and what is most frustrating is that everyone is telling you that it's your special day and you can create it as you please to have the memories last a lifetime. Two weeks in and nothing could be further from the truth.

 

[AuTX Buckeye]

well... unfortunately every Diocese seems to have a its own set of rules... Luckily for us both my wife and I are catholic so there was no debate (i wasn't fighting either, choose your battles wisely), we were having a church wedding and we were working around their rules...
1) this is optional .. depends on $$$$ friends of mine from here were married in a Hotel ballroom in NYC by a priest.

 

[AuTX Buckeye]

Thank you.
I understand and appreciate the need for some of the aforementioned rules. But many are simply backwards and very dated.

Many parishes struggle with finances and fundraising. I'm telling you now, I would pay double the ceremony fee if a priest would preside over our ceremony at the location of our choosing. I'm not asking to be married on a roller coaster or some bull[Mark May] location.

Priests are very visable around town blessing hospitals, schools, constuction sites, bridges, parks...etc
Why the hell can't they join us and bless our union? I'm not asking for a Sunday morning wedding at 10:00am when they would be otherwise occupied.

This is a very, very antiquated policy and what is most frustrating is that everyone is telling you that it's your special day and you can create it as you please to have the memories last a lifetime. Two weeks in and nothing could be further from the truth.

You might wanna talk to the priest directly about getting married outside the church... i mean as long as its not a strip club or doesn't conflict with other duties they are usually very flexible..

 

[Merih]

It depends a lot on your diocese. Lifelong catholic (but not married yet) and from my limited dealings the Columbus diocese is more flexible. Then again my dads always had a good relationship personally with our priest over the years, so maybe that helped.

 

[buxfan4life]

It depends a lot on your diocese. Lifelong catholic (but not married yet) and from my limited dealings the Columbus diocese is more flexible. Then again my dads always had a good relationship personally with our priest over the years, so maybe that helped.

Guess he was a really good alter boy.



I kid!! I kid!!

 

[sepia5]

Try being non-Jewish and finding someone to marry you to a Jewish girl on a Saturday prior to sundown in Connecticut. We had to drive to Long Island to find someone willing to do so and then had to pay him almost $2000 (well, the bride's family did, anyway). Then he mispronounced her name the entire ceremony (which I might add is a Hebrew name), and bounced immediately after I stomped on the glass.

 

[AKAK]

Try being non-Jewish and finding someone to marry you to a Jewish girl on a Saturday prior to sundown in Connecticut. We had to drive to Long Island to find someone willing to do so and then had to pay him almost $2000 (well, the bride's family did, anyway). Then he mispronounced her name the entire ceremony (which I might add is a Hebrew name), and bounced immediately after I stomped on the glass.

We call them Judges.

 

[Jake]

I can say with absolute certainty that I've never been more sour on the Catholic church than I am right now.

I personally found the Inquisitions and covering up priest rapists more troubling but having gone through the catholic wedding I understand your frustration.

In a previous life I was a practicing catholic marrying a practicing catholic. It was a pain in the ass but being pussy-blinded at the time I went along with all of it. But it gets better. If/when the marriage fails and it is annulment time be prepared to spend a lot of time answering a lot of questions only to realize whichever of you is writing the check for several hundred dollars is going to get your desired outcome no matter how many sins you committed during the marriage. All the rest is just an empty exercise, but it makes for a nice show.

Best of luck with the new bride. Remember, the wedding day is just that - a day. It is all the others after it that really matter. I hope your wife is bright enough to realize that. Oh, and if you don't mind, please say a couple Hail Mary's for me the next time you're in church, just in case.

 

[BigWoof31]

If/when the marriage fails

Thanks for the vote of confidence???:skull:

 

[sepia5]

We call them Judges.

If it were up to me . . . .

 

[cincibuck]

Back in our Catholic days (until about 5 years ago) my wife and I belonged to the parish on Xavier's campus, Bellarmine Chapel. The Jesuits are a bit more progressive than the rest of the Church, but even they have been feeling the hierarchal pinch of late. Still it's an all in one place wedding and reception possibility and you might be able to get someone a bit more flexible to work with.

 

[Muck]

Try being non-Jewish...

OK

...and finding someone to marry you to a Jewish girl...

Fuck no.

 

[Gatorubet]

I'd go ethnic.

Get a broom. Jump over it. Commence party.

You can get the broom almost anywhere...plus, it can double as a bridesmaids gift at the end of the night and given to whoever bitches the most about her expensive, useless, hideously colored dress.