On March 2nd, Mark "The Shark" Titus will suit up for the final time against Illinois. After the Senior Night game, he will go under the knife to surgically repair his torn labia - a procedure that Columbus doctors have perfected after Greg Oden's one year on campus.
Because he'll be spending the first few months after his surgery in a sling and will use his surgery as an excuse to never go out, it seems like before the operation all the Club Trillion fans should gather one last time for a night of laughter, beer, and Danny Peters being pissed that we aren't at a different bar.
Since I, Andy "The Electric Wolf" Keller, will be in town to witness the spectacle that will be the senior night game, the Saturday before the game (the 27th of February) presents itself as the perfect time to have this send off. And there is no better place for this party to happen than The Big Bang.
For the unaware, The Big Bang is a piano bar nestled in the heart of downtown Columbus. It's also The Shark's favorite watering hole, mainly because it allows him to shout the words to Tiny Dancer at the top of his lungs and it's not viewed as out of line.
I want to cordially extend an invitation to the Trillion Man March to join us at The Big Bang on this Saturday night, the 27th of February. And I want to encourage you to make a practice run for March 2nd by wearing your Club Tril shirt, which if you don't have by now, that make you a loser and you should immediately go to
http://www.akidagain.org/clubtrillion to get one.
If you find yourself saying "Hey, I wonder if I should invite every single person I know to this party" the answer is absolutely. Unless your friends hate singing along to Sister Christian, asking if they have Old Style but then settling for a Bud Light, and using an invisible lasso motion to rope in random passersby. Those friends suck, and shouldn't be invited. And don't invite Evan "The Villain" Turner. Nobody likes that guy.
The Big Bang is unfortunately 21 and over, so our younger friends won't be able to join us. Unless they get a fake ID. I'm not saying the underage kids should do this, I'm just questioning whether you're a true fan if you don't at least try. And due to NCAA regulations, you can't buy Mark free drinks, but I will gladly serve as the official "guy who you buy a drink because you can't buy one for The Shark." It's a role I will play very well.
If you aren't convinced about going yet, consider this - at some point in the night, Mark and I will stand up and loudly request that the piano players play the Star Spangled Banner, and then start chanting "U-S-A" for at least two minutes. How can you turn down a chance to join in? Answer: you can't.
We're planning on getting to the bar sometime around 9:30 or 10:00, though our arrival could be delayed if the grillers at BD's Mongolian BBQ are on their game that night. (Note to BD's grillers - you guys rock. Come party with us.) And we plan on staying until closing time, which will hopefully be punctuated with a group singing of "Brought To You Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue." That would be a fitting Club Trillion-style sendoff.
Do you want to be a jealous doucher that only looks at pictures of the event but doesn't go to it themselves? Didn't think so. Even if you're not from Columbus, make the drive or catch a flight. It's what America would want.
