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Reds tidbits 2014 (official thread of windshield licking)

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MrRedsBills said:
When does the new TV deal $$ kick in?
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Because it's raining money on FSO.

bilde
 
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Jaxbuck said:
That is some powerful mojo, no doubt.

My quick preview of 2014, (January edition);
  • Cozart, Willie Mays Hays, Hamilton....somebody has to hit first and get on base. We know for a certainty that 2 of them can't do it. Reds braintrust is all in on a bet that involves a rookie doing better in the bigs than he ever did in the minors with no discernible backup plan that doesn't involve names like Heisey and Schumaker in case he comes up a little short. I know it's hard to see a serious flaw in that plan but I'm still a little cautious.
  • LF, our big middle of the order RH bat. Unfortunately, this isn't St Louis and 35 year old fuckheads coming off major shoulder surgery don't hit like Ted Williams for a season in the 'Nati. Besides, lets own up to it and admit Reds fans aren't super passionate so if they can't do their job how can we honestly expect Deaddick to do his? For added fun remember that if the fans should make Deaddick play even worse than usual, or he should get hurt again (I know it's unlikely for an older guy with an injury history to get hurt again but I'm just saying IF) the back ups are once again, Heisey and Schumaker.
  • 3B, another spot you'd think you could find a middle of the order RH bat, instead we have Todd Frazier. The Jersey Jerkoff has a great glove and an affinity for the mentally retarded that make him a superb clubhouse presence for this team. Unfortunately the rules of the game require that he has to come to the plate with a bat in his hand (I wouldn't go so far as to say "hit") 3 to 4 times a game. His unique combination of Willie Mo Pena plate discipline and Todd Benzinger power result in him being somewhat underwhelming in this phase of the game. His backup is still Manos de Hanahan as far as I know but who really gives a [Mark May]?
  • SS and C; both guys here also make their outs from the RH batters box. Looking at the bright side, neither one is currently dead, injured or Skip F Schumaker.
  • 2B; Brandon Phillips, a.k.a. Willie Mays Hays, a.k.a. GIDP, a.k.a. DatDud. The poster boy of the Reds imo, all glove, no hit, mental midget with a baseball I.Q. that matches his uniform number. Likely the teams #2 hole hitter to ensure that should Hamilton be hit by enough pitches to have an OBP north of .300, Votto still leads the league in fewest RBI opportunities.
  • RF; Bruce is a damn fine player both offensively and defensively (maybe the streakiest sumbitch in the bigs but whatever.) Lets see if the new manager has the temerity to let the two best hitters in the lineup hit back to back or if he adheres to Dhusty's passion for frustrating the other managers late inning pitching substitution plans.
  • 1B; Big Game Joey Votto, a.k.a The Canadian Fruit Cup, a.k.a Vottina. Let's just cut to the chase, I think the fucker is crazy. Legitimately, certifiably crazy. You read comments from guys like Montana, Jordan and Reggie Jackson talking about how things seemed to slow down in pressure situations, how much fun it was to them, how confident and relaxed they were. Votto on the other hand looks like he's having a Jack/Tyler Durden fight in his head every time you look at him. With Dhusty gone, I think it will soon become clear Vottina was/is the mental and emotional leader of this team.
  • Pitching and defense will be great assuming fat fucking Cueto can throw the ball without pulling a rib loose again. Even if he can't the depth is pretty good and Dirty Hippie #1 is gone so that should help. On nights when they can shut the other team out I feel pretty confident the Reds have a better than average shot to win.


All in all when trying to forecast 2014 I come back to one simple thought;

It's the goddamned Reds, what do you think is going to happen?
Click to expand...

Um...I can't even decipher half of the players you are talking about here, but :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy:
 
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Jaxbuck said:
That is some powerful mojo, no doubt.

My quick preview of 2014, (January edition);
  • Cozart, Willie Mays Hays, Hamilton....somebody has to hit first and get on base. We know for a certainty that 2 of them can't do it. Reds braintrust is all in on a bet that involves a rookie doing better in the bigs than he ever did in the minors with no discernible backup plan that doesn't involve names like Heisey and Schumaker in case he comes up a little short. I know it's hard to see a serious flaw in that plan but I'm still a little cautious.
  • LF, our big middle of the order RH bat. Unfortunately, this isn't St Louis and 35 year old fuckheads coming off major shoulder surgery don't hit like Ted Williams for a season in the 'Nati. Besides, lets own up to it and admit Reds fans aren't super passionate so if they can't do their job how can we honestly expect Deaddick to do his? For added fun remember that if the fans should make Deaddick play even worse than usual, or he should get hurt again (I know it's unlikely for an older guy with an injury history to get hurt again but I'm just saying IF) the back ups are once again, Heisey and Schumaker.
  • 3B, another spot you'd think you could find a middle of the order RH bat, instead we have Todd Frazier. The Jersey Jerkoff has a great glove and an affinity for the mentally retarded that make him a superb clubhouse presence for this team. Unfortunately the rules of the game require that he has to come to the plate with a bat in his hand (I wouldn't go so far as to say "hit") 3 to 4 times a game. His unique combination of Willie Mo Pena plate discipline and Todd Benzinger power result in him being somewhat underwhelming in this phase of the game. His backup is still Manos de Hanahan as far as I know but who really gives a [Mark May]?
  • SS and C; both guys here also make their outs from the RH batters box. Looking at the bright side, neither one is currently dead, injured or Skip F Schumaker.
  • 2B; Brandon Phillips, a.k.a. Willie Mays Hays, a.k.a. GIDP, a.k.a. DatDud. The poster boy of the Reds imo, all glove, no hit, mental midget with a baseball I.Q. that matches his uniform number. Likely the teams #2 hole hitter to ensure that should Hamilton be hit by enough pitches to have an OBP north of .300, Votto still leads the league in fewest RBI opportunities.
  • RF; Bruce is a damn fine player both offensively and defensively (maybe the streakiest sumbitch in the bigs but whatever.) Lets see if the new manager has the temerity to let the two best hitters in the lineup hit back to back or if he adheres to Dhusty's passion for frustrating the other managers late inning pitching substitution plans.
  • 1B; Big Game Joey Votto, a.k.a The Canadian Fruit Cup, a.k.a Vottina. Let's just cut to the chase, I think the fucker is crazy. Legitimately, certifiably crazy. You read comments from guys like Montana, Jordan and Reggie Jackson talking about how things seemed to slow down in pressure situations, how much fun it was to them, how confident and relaxed they were. Votto on the other hand looks like he's having a Jack/Tyler Durden fight in his head every time you look at him. With Dhusty gone, I think it will soon become clear Vottina was/is the mental and emotional leader of this team.
  • Pitching and defense will be great assuming fat fucking Cueto can throw the ball without pulling a rib loose again. Even if he can't the depth is pretty good and Dirty Hippie #1 is gone so that should help. On nights when they can shut the other team out I feel pretty confident the Reds have a better than average shot to win.


All in all when trying to forecast 2014 I come back to one simple thought;

It's the goddamned Reds, what do you think is going to happen?
Click to expand...

Jax can I get your thoughts on the Catcher position? I ask because I thought Mesoraco was a guy that couldn't hit Kate Moss' weight but was good defensively, but then I read on the CBS wire last night that he was getting heat internally for poor communication with the pitching staff too. Then I saw the picture they had, and he looks like the kind of guy who would knock on a sweet old lady's door, then randomly start punching her cats. Will they go with Pena instead?
 
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Bucklion said:
Jax can I get your thoughts on the Catcher position? I ask because I thought Mesoraco was a guy that couldn't hit Kate Moss' weight but was good defensively, but then I read on the CBS wire last night that he was getting heat internally for poor communication with the pitching staff too. Then I saw the picture they had, and he looks like the kind of guy who would knock on a sweet old lady's door, then randomly start punching her cats. Will they go with Pena instead?
Click to expand...

The cat puncher is going to be the every day catcher unless he reaches Eric Milton levels of suck. They need to see what they have with him.

In the grand scheme of things it makes less than a fuck bit of difference if they have 4 1/2 shitty position players or 5 1/2.
 
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