Five weeks ago I started on a terrible downward spiral. As anyone who has read my posts in this forum knows, I have been convinced for years that God was not real, and nothing that happened in my life - no matter how good or bad - could penetrate that view.
I couldn't sleep last night after the Bucks lost. I jumped into the car and just drove. I was mad at everyone who believed in God, as usual. I drove until I arrived at my sister's house. I thought if anyone knew the truth, then she would, and I knew she wouldn't deceive me. I also knew she'd be up because she works crazy shifts and rarely sleeps but it doesn't seem to slow her down. She's a devout Christian, but as usual I didn't listen to her and I continued to doubt. I wasn't ready to accept God into my heart.
I drove home somber and confused. I still doubted, and I still didn't understand. I got home at 4AM. I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't find anything to watch on television. I was restless and tired. I stopped changing channels and left the TV on for background noise. I closed my eyes, and the Holy Spirit came upon me in what I can only describe as a flood. I was finally ready. I submitted to His will.
I felt despicable and ashamed to be in the presence of God. He let me know it and feel it, and he allowed me to understand it. He told me that we ARE His children, we ARE spiritual beings that He CREATED, and we are all in this together. He showed me he loves all of his children, and to look and listen for him in all things. He told me to study and learn. I finally understood what God wanted me to do with my life.
I stand before you a true confessed man of God. I am not ashamed, and I am not afraid! I proclaim victory! My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life! Hallelujah!
Thank you Father for showing me the error of my ways and for telling me the truth even when I didn't want to hear it. Bless all of the people you used to help me along the way. Please open the eyes of the lost, and let your will be done. I praise you Father, giving you all the glory only You deserve. In your beautiful precious son Jesus' name. Amen.
I just thought you all should know after all of the things I have said about religion and God in the past. May He bless you all. Thanks. :)