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Post Lines to ruin a first date

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"You've got the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. Well, maybe the second prettiest. This one time, back in 1999, I was in line at the post office. I had to mail a package to my brother, who lives in Peru. He didn't live in Peru at the time. He lived in Westerville. I lived in Dublin, at the time, and it may have been cheaper to just drive to his house and deliver it, with gasoline prices as low as they were back then. But I kept forgetting to give it to him. So on my lunch break (I worked in Hilliard for an office-supply warehouse), I just decided to go and mail it, and then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. So, anyway, after lunch, which was my typical Taco Bell meal, I stopped by the post office. And the funniest thing happened in the parking lot. This old lady was rumaging through her purse, looking for who-knows-what, when this guy pulled up next to her. I thought he was going to mug her, so I was going to try to get it all on camera, since the guy was a big guy and I had a date that night, and I didn't to show up to her house with a bloody lip and bruises from head to toe. So I found my disposable camera, and by the time I was ready to take pictures, he was gone. Apparently, he just wanted directions. To where? A whore house, maybe. I don't really know for sure. Then I went inside to mail the package. And there I was, with the box under my arm, when in walked Sylvester Stallone. Well, it wasn't really Sly, but I had just gotten done watching Rocky for the fifth time in eleven days, and I was just thinking about how cool it would be if he walked in. Anyway, the girl at the check-out line had beautiful eyes. Are you going to eat your fat?"
 
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A friend of mine used this one:

"You aren't going to turn out to be a man, are you?"

Of course, no one else was there to verify that he really did that, but he isn't the sort to lie about stuff, so I believe him. Regardless of whether you believe him, or me, it's still a funny thing to say when he's trying to hook up with a chick.
 
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