To: Anonymous Poster from Blue White Illustrated
Re: Letter of Concern
Dear Sir/Madam,
We'd like to thank you for your thoughtful and insightful letter that you sent to us last week. Please find below our formal, detailed response to your inquiry:
- First, you must realize that you are a goober. You are a cultist. It was because of people like you that we came down hard on your cultish and sexual perverse poor excuse for a school. Be glad we didn't creep up and put you to sleep permenantly, sucker.
- Second, we ALLOWED you to still be able to play football, and this is the thanks we get? To be a member of the National Collegiate Athletics Association is not a right, it's a privelage. We allowed you to stay because we couldn't find replacements for your b***h asses.
- Lastly, you need to perform on the field to have a point. After that ARSE whipping by the 'Fighting Frankies' of Ohio University, you showed us that you still need to reference handrails, ancient old farts that are way past their time, and adults creeping around with little boys in showers.
If you have any questions, please let me know. Otherwise, enjoy the ten years of 'rhythmic slapping' that you are going to get. You got your first taste last Saturday.
Sincerely,
Mark Emmert, Ph.D (a/k/a the guy who slapped you with his d**k)
P.S. - Bill O'Brien always has been and is still Tom Brady's B**ch. Which makes him The Ohio State's B**ch, too.