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Best player? No big deal
MAC?s obscurity dashes Wolfe?s Heisman hopes
By Ben Smith
The Journal Gazette
Enough with your Downtown Athletic Club, your stuffy pretension, your 70-odd years of gnarled stiff-arming glory. I?m givin? out my own Heisman Trophy.
Here, Garrett Wolfe. Have this little silver guy holding up a torch atop a marble base. I know he doesn?t have anything to do with football ? I think I won him for staying awake through freshman English, something like that ? but he?s the closest I could find in my basement on short notice.
You da man, Garrett. So enjoy.
I mean, it?s not like you?ve got a shot at the
real Heisman Trophy.
Oh, sure, I?d love to think so, we all would, not only because we?re intrigued by Wolfe?s utterly sick numbers ? even with his 27-yard flameout against Western Michigan on Saturday, he?s still in the neighborhood of 200 yards per game ? but by the notion that the most scintillating player in the country looks more like Lafitte Pincay Jr. than Jim Brown. At 5-foot-7 and 177 waif-like pounds, the dude?s a Smurf. Paint him blue and your kids are watching him on TV on Saturday mornings.
The rest of us, meanwhile, watch him on TV at odd hours ? Thursday night, Friday night, whatever night ? stacking up yards and touchdowns for the greater glory of old Northern Illinois. He strapped 148 yards on Michigan last year, averaging 8.7 yards per carry. He laid 245 and three scores on Northwestern. And this year, he ran for 171 yards and caught passes for 114 more against poor overmatched Ohio State, then laid out Ball State with 353 yards that could have been more had a couple of cross-country excursions not been called back.
Nonetheless: He?s got no chance.
He?s got no chance because the voters like the big-deal kids from the big-deal schools, and Wolfe, while indisputably the former, is short the latter. He plays at Northern, whose resemblance to, say, Notre Dame begins and ends with the fact that they both start with an ?N? and an ?O?. He plays at Northern ? which plays in the Mid-American Conference ? which last had a Heisman winner, like, never.
Sorry, folks. But as much as you and I and a whole lot of other sentimental fools across America think Garrett Wolfe should be cradling Old Stiff Arm come December, in reality he?s just Joe Dudek, the Sentimental Fools? Choice who put up crazy numbers at tiny Plymouth (N.H.) State back in the 1980s. He?s Gordie Lockbaum, who played both ways at tiny Holy Cross and thus stole the sentimental fools? vote again.
Wolfe, a legitimate NFL prospect despite his size, is light years better than either of them, of course. But he?s got no better shot at the Heisman. He is, in fact, less a true contender after Western Michigan than Brady Quinn is ? and, yes, I know exactly how absurd that sounds.
No one has to remind me that the last time anyone was paying attention, Michigan was treating Brady Quinn like a pi?ata. In one of the two biggest games of Notre Dame?s season, his second pass was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. Then he threw a couple more picks. Then he fumbled, and Michigan defensive end LaMarr Woodley picked it up and ran it in for another score.
The final was Michigan 47, Notre Dame 21, Brady Quinn 4 ? as in ?turnovers.? And, oh, yeah, one shovel for all of us wise-guy media types, who immediately put it to work scooping dirt on Quinn?s Heisman hopes.
Of course, then he came back with five touchdown passes and a miracle comeback against Michigan State, which was more about the Spartans? miracle collapse but won?t be spun that way by the Notre Dame lore machine.
Then he completed 29 of 38 passes for 316 yards and two touchdowns against Purdue.
Then he completed 27 of 37 for 232 and three more scores against Stanford.
And suddenly ? miraculously, you might say ? he is the withered codger from ?Monty Python and the Holy Grail?: Not Dead Yet.
Suddenly he?s 56 of 75 for 548 yards and five touchdowns in his last two games, with plenty of lush victims lying just ahead. A few more monster games against less-than-monstrous opposition, then one last heroic spasm against USC ? and voila, Quinn?s in the conversation again. The simple fact that he plays quarterback at Notre Dame ? the biggest-deal position at the biggest-deal school ? guarantees it.
Just as the fact that Garrett Wolfe plays running back at Northern Illinois guarantees otherwise.
Oh, he?ll continue to pile up his yards and his touchdowns, and if he can put a buck fifty or so and three or four scores on Iowa at the end of the month, that?ll help. And maybe if Quinn lays another omelet against USC, and Troy Smith at Ohio State gets abducted by aliens. ?
Ah, but Quinn failing again is a pretty slim peg to hang your hat on, come to think of it. And aliens are notoriously unreliable in these matters.
Sorry, Garrett Wolfe. Not even you, I?m afraid, can stack the yards high enough this time. Not even you can outrun all that big-school bias, no matter how far your legs carry you.
Here, bud. Take my Heisman.
As for that other one, to hell with it.