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Cleveland Browns (official thread of Masochism 2015)

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So no Geno Smith in the opener against the Jets.....can the Browns take down the mighty Ryan Fitzpatrick? Couldn't ask for much more to start 1-0.

Of course, Jets fans are asking....can we still take down the mighty Josh McCown. How do we get this matchup on opening day?!
 
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Always one of my favorite parts of the preseason:

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2015-cleveland-browns-1723346122

Remember two years ago, when the Indians were playoff-bound for the first time in years and no one fucking showed up, because everyone was too busy bitching about the expense of a baseball game even though you can buy bleacher tickets for 10 bucks and a beer for 4 and the Indians were actually putting an entertaining product on the field? Then came the fall and everyone in the city was off to spend roughly ten thousand dollars apiece to watch the Browns lose 32-28 to the Jacksonville fucking Jaguars? Remember when Kellen Winslow held out for roughly infinity dollars, got it, then promptly upended his douchey motorcycle doing donuts in a parking lot, was hurt for a while, then got staph, and it was like two years before he played and was kinda mediocre?

Remember when that one guy got hit in the eye by a referee’s flag and never played again?

Remember when that other guy cost them a game (against the Chiefs in the mid-aughts, I think) because he threw his helmet in the air after a successful stop and the penalty yardage let the Chiefs hit a field goal?

Remember when they forfeited a game because their jackass fans threw bottles all over the field?

Remember when Derek Goddamn Anderson had the season of his life and they still missed the playoffs because they lost to the Bengals and the shitty-ass Titans?

Remember when Braylon Edwards hurt his foot because he was running sprints in his socks and someone stepped on it?

Remember when Donte Stallworth KILLED THAT GUY???

Remember when we lost to the Jets, and some upstanding example of Cleveland manhood fucking tackled a 10 year old in a Jets jersey afterwards?

Remember when [a serious of strangled sobs and moans that sounds kinda like “Johnny Football”]

I remember all this because for 8 long, miserable fucking years I sold hot dogs and beer at the taxpayer-funded hellhole the Browns call home, and dealing with the “people” that attend those games remains one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life.
Although I did once get to watch a cop piledrive this drunk piece of shit who had stolen a bunch of beer out of my cart. That was pretty cool.
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When you get a chance check out Joe Haden’s ears; dude is a fucking elf.
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The uniforms....dear God. We are now the Doritos NACHO CHEESIER X-TREME!!! of the NFL.
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Fuck this team. Fuck their new scoreboard. Fuck every shit-head QB they’ve ever ruined. Fuck Josh Gordon. Fuck their new mascot dog, Swagger (what, was YOLO taken?). Fuck switching from the 3-4 to the 4-3 and back every 3 years. Fuck it all.

Jimmy Haslem is a bucket of dicks.
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bigdog3300 said:
So no Geno Smith in the opener against the Jets.....can the Browns take down the mighty Ryan Fitzpatrick? Couldn't ask for much more to start 1-0.

Of course, Jets fans are asking....can we still take down the mighty Josh McCown. How do we get this matchup on opening day?!
Click to expand...

On the bright side Manziel isn't big enough of an asshole to get his jaw broken by a teammate in the locker room or to murder a CB for picking off a pass in practice so we have that going for us.
 
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bigdog3300 said:
So no Geno Smith in the opener against the Jets.....can the Browns take down the mighty Ryan Fitzpatrick? Couldn't ask for much more to start 1-0.

Of course, Jets fans are asking....can we still take down the mighty Josh McCown. How do we get this matchup on opening day?!
Click to expand...

The Jets just lost their starting QB for 6-10 weeks and the line for the game only moved a half point.

I'm not sure if that's an insult to the Jets or the Browns.
 
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At least we aren't the Jets

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