wasapamati
Newbie
Got this in an email, thought it was funny so I figured I'd share it here :
Troy Smith and Ted Ginn Jr. walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Alot of people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Buckeye pajamas.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, the Ohio State Buckeyes can actually kick their opponents ass yesterday.
Troy Smith recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We now know this beverage as Red Bull.
The Ohio State Buckeyes are the only team in the world that can actually email an ass whooping.
Icy-Hot is too weak for James Laurinaitis. After a workout, Laurinaitis rubs down his muscles with liquid-hot magma.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as the Buckeyes.
The Ohio State Buckeyes are the reason Waldo is hiding.
When Antonio Pittman does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Ted Ginn Jr. is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Anthony Gonzalez does not sleep. He waits.
Jim Tressel counted to infinity. Twice.
When Troy Smith dials a 1-900 number he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
When Ted Ginn Jr. falls in water, Ted Ginn Jr. doesn't get wet. Water gets Ted Ginn Jr.
If tapped, a hit from James Laurinaitis could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
While urinating, Troy Smith is easily capable of welding titanium.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Troy Smith calls this "a slow Tuesday".
When taking the SAT, write "Ted Ginn Jr." for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Jim Tressel has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered the Ohio State Buckeyes".
Troy Smith ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Beanie Wells doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Jim Tressel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq....Troy Smith lives in Ohio.
Aaron Pettrey once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego.
Anthony Gonzalez can slam a revolving door.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, the Ohio State Buckeyes would ever play themselves, they'd win. Period.
The Sherman Tank was originall called the Pittman tank until Antonio Pittman decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Antonio Pittman, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Antonio Pittman.
Brain Robiskie can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
In a recent survey, it was discovered that 94% of American women lose their virginity to Troy Smith. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Jim Tressel.
Fear is not the only emotion the Ohio State Buckeye defense can smell. They can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get my ass kicked by the Ohio State Buckeye defense."
Google won't search for James Laurinaitis because it knows you don't find James Laurinaitis, he finds you.
As President Roosevel said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And the Ohio State Buckeyes."
Jim Tressel does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Ted Ginn Jr. is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. James Laurinaitis needs toothpicks.
Anthony Gonzalez uses a night light. Not because Anthony Gonzalez is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Anthony Gonzalez.
Jim Tressel does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into James Laurinaitis.
AJ Trepasso once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Jim Tressel glare will liquefy your kidneys.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Troy Smith.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Ted Ginn Jr. while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Jim Tressel can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to James Laurinaitis. He only has two needs : tackling people and finding people to tackle.
The truth will set you free. Unless James Laurinaitis has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
Jim Tressel does not wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst laid plans of Jim Tressel come off without a hitch.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind James Laurinaitis in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
With the rising cost of gasoline, James Laurinaitis is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
Jim Tressel does not go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
In the words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Buckeyes". Translation : I came, I saw, and I got my ass kicked by the Buckeyes.
When Jim Tressel plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
James Laurinaitis drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Ted Ginn Jr. qualified with a top speed of 324 MPH at the Daytona 500, without a car.
James Laurinaitis uses Tobasco sauce instead of Visine.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet the Ohio State Buckeyes are on.
There's an order to the universe : space, time, Jim Tressel... Just kidding, Jim Tressel is first.
A man once asked James Laurinaitis if his real name is "Jim". James Laurinaitis did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie, it is implied that he is going to ask the Ohio State Buckeyes for help.
James Laurinaitis once rode a nine-foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower.
Divide the Ohio State Buckeyes by zero and you will in fact get one....one bad-ass team that is.
TNT was originally developed by James Laurinaitis to cure indigestion.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Troy Smith.
James Laurinaitis plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Ted Ginn Jr. and three seven year old girls.
Jim Tressel is not politically correct. He is just correct. Always.
Ted Ginn Jr. cured polio.
Troy Smith and Ted Ginn Jr. walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Alot of people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Buckeye pajamas.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, the Ohio State Buckeyes can actually kick their opponents ass yesterday.
Troy Smith recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We now know this beverage as Red Bull.
The Ohio State Buckeyes are the only team in the world that can actually email an ass whooping.
Icy-Hot is too weak for James Laurinaitis. After a workout, Laurinaitis rubs down his muscles with liquid-hot magma.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as the Buckeyes.
The Ohio State Buckeyes are the reason Waldo is hiding.
When Antonio Pittman does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Ted Ginn Jr. is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Anthony Gonzalez does not sleep. He waits.
Jim Tressel counted to infinity. Twice.
When Troy Smith dials a 1-900 number he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
When Ted Ginn Jr. falls in water, Ted Ginn Jr. doesn't get wet. Water gets Ted Ginn Jr.
If tapped, a hit from James Laurinaitis could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
While urinating, Troy Smith is easily capable of welding titanium.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Troy Smith calls this "a slow Tuesday".
When taking the SAT, write "Ted Ginn Jr." for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Jim Tressel has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered the Ohio State Buckeyes".
Troy Smith ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Beanie Wells doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Jim Tressel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq....Troy Smith lives in Ohio.
Aaron Pettrey once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego.
Anthony Gonzalez can slam a revolving door.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, the Ohio State Buckeyes would ever play themselves, they'd win. Period.
The Sherman Tank was originall called the Pittman tank until Antonio Pittman decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Antonio Pittman, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Antonio Pittman.
Brain Robiskie can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
In a recent survey, it was discovered that 94% of American women lose their virginity to Troy Smith. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Jim Tressel.
Fear is not the only emotion the Ohio State Buckeye defense can smell. They can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get my ass kicked by the Ohio State Buckeye defense."
Google won't search for James Laurinaitis because it knows you don't find James Laurinaitis, he finds you.
As President Roosevel said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And the Ohio State Buckeyes."
Jim Tressel does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Ted Ginn Jr. is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. James Laurinaitis needs toothpicks.
Anthony Gonzalez uses a night light. Not because Anthony Gonzalez is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Anthony Gonzalez.
Jim Tressel does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into James Laurinaitis.
AJ Trepasso once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Jim Tressel glare will liquefy your kidneys.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Troy Smith.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Ted Ginn Jr. while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Jim Tressel can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to James Laurinaitis. He only has two needs : tackling people and finding people to tackle.
The truth will set you free. Unless James Laurinaitis has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
Jim Tressel does not wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst laid plans of Jim Tressel come off without a hitch.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind James Laurinaitis in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
With the rising cost of gasoline, James Laurinaitis is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
Jim Tressel does not go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
In the words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Buckeyes". Translation : I came, I saw, and I got my ass kicked by the Buckeyes.
When Jim Tressel plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
James Laurinaitis drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Ted Ginn Jr. qualified with a top speed of 324 MPH at the Daytona 500, without a car.
James Laurinaitis uses Tobasco sauce instead of Visine.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet the Ohio State Buckeyes are on.
There's an order to the universe : space, time, Jim Tressel... Just kidding, Jim Tressel is first.
A man once asked James Laurinaitis if his real name is "Jim". James Laurinaitis did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie, it is implied that he is going to ask the Ohio State Buckeyes for help.
James Laurinaitis once rode a nine-foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower.
Divide the Ohio State Buckeyes by zero and you will in fact get one....one bad-ass team that is.
TNT was originally developed by James Laurinaitis to cure indigestion.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Troy Smith.
James Laurinaitis plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Ted Ginn Jr. and three seven year old girls.
Jim Tressel is not politically correct. He is just correct. Always.
Ted Ginn Jr. cured polio.
I guess you haven't heard....
