Minnich’s Musings about Ohio State vs. Michigan State
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Barbara J. Perenic/The Columbus Dispatch / USA TODAY NETWORK

Ohio State was dominant in a nationally televised rout of Michigan State.

For a November night game that Ohio State did not want to play but acquiesced to the requests of The Big Ten’s leadership, the 38-3 win over Michigan State was precisely the kind of performance that the coaches, players, and fans wanted to see at this stage of the 2023 season. Ohio State took a 21-0 lead at the start of the second quarter, and comfortably did not look back.

Yes, Michigan State is now 3-7, and it would be foolish to put too much emphasis on this win over the Spartans. I had predicted a 35-14 win over Michigan State, so this game needs to be kept in proper focus about what it means for the Buckeyes as they head into their final two regular season games of this season.

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Marvin Harrison Jr. will be a Heisman Trophy finalist

I do not want to suggest that Harrison will be the winner, although in my biased estimation he should be, as compared to other players who are being discussed as Heisman Trophy candidates. I will suggest that Harrison’s performance versus Michigan State, with three touchdowns (two receiving, one rushing) is the kind of game that will have media and other notable personnel saying, “Hey, did you see what Marvin Harrison Jr. did against Michigan State?”, and it is that type of game that will usually help garner votes, and thus, a trip to New York City.

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Kyle McCord played his best game of the season against the Spartans

Again, let us not equate the Spartans with the 1985 Chicago Bears. McCord wound up completing 24-of-31 passes for 335 yards, three touchdowns (two of them to the aforementioned Marvin Harrison Jr.), and no interceptions. Even some of the incompletions were good plays, as McCord was forced to throw the ball away (some examples being a bad first half snap play by Carson Hinzman, pressure in the second half on a play that McCord threw the ball at Chip Trayanum’s feet), but did not force the ball into coverage, as Ohio State fans had seen in previous games.

McCord is still limping, as was visibly evident after the game in his postgame interviews, but his overall play have led me into believing that McCord overall is on the upswing as the regular season is winding down.

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“Put me in, Coach”

I have long been an advocate for Ryan Day to play his backups earlier, and Saturday was acceptable. From my vantage point, it seemed as though the defense was substituting in backup players earlier than the offense, as Kyle McCord did not leave the game until very late in the contest. Yes, I know that Devin Brown reaggravated his ankle injury in pregame warmups, and yes, I know that Lincoln Keinholz is only a true freshman. I will simply say that an injury to anyone on the starting offense or defense, after Ohio State had established such a substantial lead, would only irritate Ohio State fans even more.

Lincoln Keinholz, Jelani Thurman, Carnell Tate, Evan Pryor, and I could go on. They should have been in the game from the middle of the third quarter, not the beginning of middle of the fourth quarter.

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Ohio State sits at 10-0, and easily vanquished Michigan State. As I was watching the game at home with one of my sons and my wife, NBC showed some of the painful and challenging games from years past (1998, 2015, etc.) against the Spartans that Ohio State did not fare well. It was comforting to see Ohio State come out strongly against Michigan State, establish their dominance, and never let the Spartans get back into this game. There was no complacency on the part of Ohio State’s coaches or players in this victory.

Next up are the Minnesota Golden Gophers, who are now 5-5 on the season. The Golden Gophers were easily handled 49-30 by the Purdue Boilermakers at Ross-Ade Stadium in the game that preceded the Michigan State/Ohio State game on NBC. This upcoming game will have similar vibes like the one Ohio State just completed against Michigan State — get a lead, and get the starters out of the game.

Ryan Day seems to have Ohio State peaking at just the right time, and another commanding performance against a perceived weaker team can only help to booster the team’s confidence as they approach their biggest game of the season on Nov. 25.

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Ohio State opens as 27.5-point favorites over Minnesota
Gene Ross via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
Visit their fantastic blog and read the full article (and so much more) here


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The Buckeyes have one final home game before a trip to Ann Arbor to close out the regular season.

After easily dispatching Michigan State on Saturday, Ohio State (10-0) gets one more home contest to fine tune itself before the highly anticipated season finale in Ann Arbor. The Buckeyes will take on Minnesota this coming weekend, with the Golden Gophers (5-5) not quite living up to expectations this year. P.J. Fleck’s squad is riding a two-game losing streak, and needs to find a way to win one of its final two games to reach bowl eligibility, but things won’t get any easier for Minnesota in Columbus.

All lines courtesy of DraftKings Sportsbook.

Spread: Ohio State -27.5​

Ohio State’s offense had one of its best performances of the season against Michigan State on Saturday. The Buckeyes racked up 530 yards of total offense, and that was with the starters coming out in the third quarter and few pass attempts in the second half overall. Kyle McCord had his best game of the season, throwing for a career-high 335 yards and three touchdowns, while Marvin Harrison Jr. bolstered his Heisman campaign with 149 yards receiving and three total TDs. TreVeyon Henderson had an efficient day on the ground, averaging nearly five yards per carry and adding a rushing TD, while Cade Stover had a big game in his return from injury with 79 yards and a score.

Despite Ohio State playing without both of its starting safeties and its top linebacker, the Buckeyes held Michigan State to just 182 total yards — 88 passing and 92 rushing. Spartans QB Katin Houser couldn’t get much going, completing only 50% of his passes (12-of-24) for 92 yards. No MSU receiver totaled more than 23 yards in the game, while as a team Michigan State converted on just 2-of-14 third down attempts. It wasn’t a huge day for havoc plays by the Silver Bullets, but they did manage six tackles for loss and two sacks, one each by Tyleik Williams and Sonny Styles.

Minnesota’s offense, led by quarterback Athan Kaliakmanis, was projected to be one of the better units in the Big Ten. It has not worked out that way, as the Gophers’ 22.5 points per game rank 101st in FBS. Kaliakmanis has not had the greatest season at the helm, completing just over 50% of his passes for 1,582 yards with 13 TDs and seven INTs across 10 games. The return of Chris Autman-Bell was highly anticipated, but the senior wideout has just 81 yards and one TD on the year. Running back Darius Taylor and receiver Daniel Jackson had been the stars of the unit, but Taylor has missed the last three games with an injury. Still, Jackson’s 681 yards and seven TDs are good for third-best in the Big Ten.

The Golden Gophers defense has been better than their offense, but not by a ton. Allowing 25.8 points per game, Minnesota ranks 63rd nationally and 10th in the B1G. They do, however, rank third in the conference with 11 interceptions, led by Tyler Nubin’s four. The unit overall has been led by linebacker Maverick Baranowski, who has a team-high 52 total tackles on the year, while defensive lineman Danny Striggow has been the star up front, leading the group with seven tackles for loss and six sacks. Minnesota’s defense has been largely fine overall, but they’ve had a handful of really poor performances, including 37 points allowed to Northwestern, 52 against Michigan and 49 against Purdue in its last time out.

This game should look a lot like Ohio State’s game against Michigan State — although the Buckeyes will not be in grey jerseys for this one. Ryan Day will be looking to see his offense continue to take strides forward, and while Jim Knowles will be hoping to get some of his starters back on defense, it also wouldn’t hurt to rest some guys so that they are 100% healthy for the Michigan game. Minnesota’s offense is going to have a hard time moving the ball against a stout Ohio State defense — fully healthy or not — and the Gophers likely won’t have many answers for TreVeyon Henderson and Marvin Harrison Jr. on the other side.

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.

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No. 7 Ohio State women’s basketball responds with 108-58 win over IUPUI
ThomasCostello via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
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Photo by Jason Mowry/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

The Buckeyes get the most out of an expected win over the Horizon League side

After a less-than-ideal start of the season for the Ohio State women’s basketball team, dropping its first game of the year against the USC Trojans, the Buckeyes returned to the friendly confines of Columbus, Ohio. Instead of a top-25 matchup, it was IUPUI, from neighboring Indianapolis, Indiana, traveling to the Buckeye state.

Ohio State didn’t let that defeat get them down. Instead, they took it to the IUPUI Jaguars for an 108-58 win.

The last time the Buckeyes played, USC held forward Cotie McMahon to a seven-point performance. Sunday, McMahon went to the rim off the won tipoff, showing that the Buckeyes weren’t looking to give IUPUI the same satisfaction it gave the Trojans.

In the first two minutes, Ohio State unleashed from three-point range. After forward Rebeka Mikulášiková hit a catch-and-shoot three at the top of the key, forward Taylor Thierry hit what looked like a three from the corner, but had her foot on the line.

Then, off the inbound pass, McMahon grabbed a steal and found Thierry for a second chance. Thierry hit it from deep and in front of 2024 commits Ava Watson and Seini Hicks, the Buckeyes showed them what they can expect playing for the scarlet and gray.

After going up 13-2, Ohio State made substitutions and with starters going out, IUPUI took advantage. The Jaguars outscored the Buckeyes 10-5, trimming the lead to five points. Included in that IUPUI run were some tough decisions by graduate senior transfer Taiyier Parks for OSU.

With two minutes on the court, Parks missed two shots to start her home debut. The first an attempt to use her strength going into the paint and second an open long two. Although Parks did add a turnover, the missed shots and a quick foul put the former Michigan State forward on the bench.

The Buckeyes extended the lead out again after four free throws, but then IUPUI was dealt a blow. Forward Jazmyn Turner, who was leading the Jaguars with seven points and two rebounds, suffered what at first looked like a twisted ankle. It took the former Miami University Redhawk a few minutes, and assistance from her training staff and head coach to get back to the sideline.

At the end of the first quarter, Ohio State had an eight-point lead, 24-16. It was the turnovers that helped the Buckeyes the most, forcing 10 and scoring 11 points off those turnovers.

Another early issue for the Jaguars was fouling, more specifically fouling while the Buckeyes were shooting. After only 12 minutes of the game, Ohio State already had 17 trips to the line, hitting 12. By comparison, IUPUI had five total free throws but only three more fouls than the scarlet and gray.

Getting going in the second quarter was McMahon. Not only did the sophomore get to the line three times in the first two minutes of the second but also hit a contested layup. McMahon scored 11 with more than half the game remaining.

The Buckeyes saw the work in the paint was going as intended, so they kept pushing. Ohio State scored eight points in the paint during a 14-point run. When not getting to the free throw line, Mikulášiková was hitting a turnaround layup and the five turnovers given up by IUPUI to start the second led to 11 points off turnovers for just that quarter.

Things didn’t improve for the Jaguars. Ohio State went on another run, this time for 13 points. Part of that run was more great shooting by Thierry. The junior had a perfect shooting half, adding a second three-point shot with two minutes remaining in the half. Thierry had 12 first half points on 3-for-3 shooting and adding four free throws.

Ohio State took a resounding 59-31 lead into halftime. Joining Thierry in the double-digit scoring club was McMahon, leading OSU with 15 points. Guards Jacy Sheldon and Celeste Taylor weren’t far behind though, each with nine points. Taylor added her final two of the half before the halftime buzzer.

The work for the Buckeyes continued into the third quarter. After five minutes, Ohio State outscored IUPUI 17-7, showing it wasn’t going to let up despite the lopsided scoreboard.

With two minutes left in the third quarter, McGuff had seen enough time for his starters, going with an all-bench group. Included was guard Emma Shumate, who missed Ohio State’s first game of the year due to injury.

Included in the group was forward Eboni Walker, guard Rikki Harris and sophomore guard Kaia Henderson. IUPUI responded with a short four-point run, but at that point it didn’t matter a whole lot, with the Buckeyes still up 37 points following the two made baskets. IUPUI tried to add one at the buzzer of the third quarter, but Shumate, who led Ohio State in blocks last season, sent the ball into the stands with her first of this campaign.

The Buckeyes led 39 points going into the final quarter, with a scoreline of 84-45.

McGuff’s side piled on in the fourth, scoring the first 14 points, extending the lead up to 53 points. Thanks to substantial minutes for future Buckeye starters like guards Diana Collins, Henderson and center Faith Carson.

A special moment in the last four minutes was for forward Karla Vreš. The graduate senior who joined the Buckeyes last season scored her first points as a member of the scarlet and gray.

The Buckeyes coasted to a 108-58 victory.

Getting Reps​

While the competition for Ohio State wasn’t the Iowa Hawkeyes or UCLA Bruins of the world, an important piece of these non-conference games is building momentum and getting game practice. The Buckeyes had that against IUPUI.

The game against the Jaguars gave the Buckeyes the opportunity to get in more time in its press and half court defense. The score didn’t matter as head coach Kevin McGuff’s side mixed it up defensively a few times each quarter.

It means that IUPUI didn’t know what to expect when they inbounded the ball.

Offensively, Ohio State got the ball in everyone’s hands when working in its half court offense. Every Buckeye starter got into the double-digits in the scoring column. Also, new players like graduate senior Parks and freshman Diana Collins got to work on their game outside of a practice environment.

After a tough start by Parks, the forward showed her paint prowess with two impressive layups. For Collins, the guard had chances which included great ball handling and finding space but it wasn’t ending in points. Collins broke through too, hitting her first home points in scarlet and gray.

What’s Next​

The Buckeyes are back at the Schottenstein Center in four days. That’s when the Boston College Eagles land in Columbus. It’s one of two Power Five conference non-conference games for the scarlet and gray this season.

Last year, Ohio State faced the Eagles in Boston. The Buckeyes came away with a comfortable 82-64 victory, with Mikulášiková leading all scorers on the day with 23 points. From beyond the arc, Mikulášiková went 3-for-4 in the victory in an early season surge by the Slovakian.

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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: Ohio State’s 38-3 win over Michigan State
Gene Ross via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
Visit their fantastic blog and read the full article (and so much more) here


Photo by Ben Jackson/Getty Images

The Buckeyes got off to a fast start and never looked back.

Ohio State was looking to get out to a fast start against Michigan State, and it did that emphatically by taking a 21-0 lead one play into the second quarter. The Buckeyes went on to win a 38-3 laugher, enabling them to rest their starters for the second half as they continue their quest for an undefeated regular season. It was a great day for the stars of the offense, while a shorthanded defensive group more than got the job done against a largely overmatched Spartans squad.

Here is the good, the bad and the ugly from Ohio State’s win over Michigan State.

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The Good​

Marvin Harrison Jr.

If there was a ‘The Ridiculous’ portion of this column, Marvin Harrison Jr. would be listed there instead. The best wide receiver and likely best overall player in all of college football had a monster performance against the Spartans, catching seven passes for 149 yards and scoring three total touchdowns — all coming before halftime as he sat the final two quarters in a blowout. He did a little bit of everything in the game, showcasing his ability to both make the long receptions over the top and also catch it short and pick up yards after the catch. He is the first Ohio State wide receiver ever to record two 1,000-yard receiving seasons, and did so this year with still two games remaining in the regular season.

Kyle McCord

There has been a lot of back and forth about Ohio State’s starting quarterback this season, with much of it surrounding Kyle McCord’s slow first halves. McCord had his best game of the year against Michigan State, completing 24-of-31 pass attempts for a career-high 335 yards and three TDs. The first-year starter really couldn’t have put together a better first half on Saturday, going into the break having completed 21-of-25 passes for 263 yards and the three scores. While the Spartan defense isn’t exactly elite, it was great to see McCord looking on-point and confident out there. This was definitely the type of performance he will look to build off of, with one more game to fine tune things ahead of Michigan.

TreVeyon Henderson

Ohio State’s rushing attack simply looks different when TreVeyon Henderson is healthy. His numbers against Michigan State don't jump off the page like they did against Wisconsin and Rutgers, but it was another efficient night for the junior running back: 13 carries for 63 yards and a touchdown before sitting out the second half of a runaway game. Over his last three games, Henderson has ran for over 350 yards on just under six yards per carry, while also adding 139 yards through the air on 11 receptions. While Harrison Jr. is the star of the show and a ton of eyes are on McCord each week, Henderson is the lynchpin of the entire Ohio State offense.

Fast Starts

The Buckeyes came into the night looking to get off to a fast start, as they have had trouble all season long getting into a rhythm before halftime. The last three weeks especially had really been a struggle offensively through the first two quarters, and even more glaringly in the first quarter. Ohio State scored just three points in the first quarter against Penn State, three in the first quarter against Wisconsin, and only seven in the entire first half against Rutgers. Against Michigan State, the Buckeyes put up 200 yards in the first quarter and got out to an almost immediate 14-0 lead, adding a third score to make it 21-0 on the first play of the second quarter. You won’t be able to put together that kind of opener too often, but it was exactly the kind of start Ryan Day was looking for this week.

The Bad​

The Second Half (as a viewer)

Ohio State didn’t necessarily do anything bad in the second half. Taking a 35-3 lead into halftime, the Buckeyes really just sat on the football for the rest of the contest. Harrison Jr. and Henderson came out of the game to start the third quarter, and it wasn’t too long after that the majority of the other starters on both sides of the ball were out as well. It would have been fun to run up the score a little against an overmatched opponent, but the main goal here was to make sure you left the game without racking up any additional injuries. Unfortunately, that just meant a really boring half of football to watch as a viewer — which I will gladly take if it means Ohio State is up big.

The Ugly​

Parker Fleming

Sticking to my word that Ohio State’s special teams coach will be listed on this part of the postgame column every week until he is fired. While the group didn’t do anything absolutely egregious this week for the first time in what felt like forever, there were still a handful of minor mistakes that shouldn’t happen if you are choosing to waste a coaching position on special teams. The funniest one was failing to get lined up on a punt, leading to Ryan Day needing to waste a time out and looking exacerbated on the sideline as a result. The Buckeyes also missed a field goal, which isn’t entirely Fleming fault, but once again: it’s his unit. With the Michigan game coming up, one that is likely going to be played on the slimmest of margins, having an actively bad special teams coordinator could be the difference in winning or losing.

Injuries

It flew under the radar a bit because the broadcast never mentioned it, but Mike Hall Jr. exited the game and went to the locker room with a trainer early in the second quarter. It is unclear the severity of whatever ailed him, but injuries continue to plague this Ohio State team. The Buckeyes were already without Lathan Ransom, Josh Proctor and Tommy Eichenberg in this game, although it sounds like Proctor and Eichenberg were held out more for precautionary reasons. Ransom’s injury is more concerning, as the safety was seen on a scooter with a boot on his foot prior to the game. While Ohio State still needs to win against Minnesota next weekend, the main priority before the trip to Ann Arbor has to be getting as healthy as possible.

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Hangout in the Holy Land Podcast: Finally, a ‘get right’ game to talk about
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Josh and Chuck weigh in on the Michigan saga, before the latter takes over and flies solo to recap MSU, Buckeye basketball, and more.

The latest episode of Land-Grant Holy Land’s flagship podcast is here! Join LGHL’s Josh Dooley and Chuck Holmes as they discuss Ohio State football, recruiting, and much, much more! Come for the hot takes, stay for the warm ones.

Listen to the episode and subscribe:

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On this episode of “Hangout in the Holy Land,” Chuck finally gets his wish to run point and do (most of) a pod without Josh! He recaps a Buckeye blowout on the gridiron, a tough defeat on the hardwood, and all the other Ohio State-related news you can handle.

But first, both of the Hangout boys weigh in briefly on the ongoing and seemingly never-ending Michigan saga. Did new Big Ten commish Tony Petitti handle this situation correctly? Did the punishment fit the crime? And what now?

Next up is OSU men’s basketball...

And finally, Chuck gets to the main course: A Buckeye football recap. After two straight good-not-great performances on the road, Ryan Day’s squad was back in The Shoe on Saturday night and put a four-quarter thumping on the Michigan State Spartans. Ohio State coasted to a 38-3 victory, despite several injured Buckeyes watching from the sideline.

Saturday night’s get-right game could not have come at a better time, as the Scarlet and Gray look to drown out the noise and prepare for a late-season charge.

Please make sure to like, rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast! And as always, Go Bucks!

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Ohio State Football: Buckeyes eyeing Sunshine State flip targets - On3.com
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Ohio State Football: Buckeyes eyeing Sunshine State flip targets On3.com

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Derek Carr Gushes Over Potential of Ohio State's Chris Olave - Sports Illustrated
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Football: Opinion: McCord just has to be “good enough” to win a ... - OSU - The Lantern
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OSU holds on to No. 1 spot in CFP rankings - ABC6OnYourSide.com
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OSU holds on to No. 1 spot in CFP rankings ABC6OnYourSide.com

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Ohio State Buckeyes to host No. 15 Texas A&M Aggies Friday - The Associated Press
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Ohio State Buckeyes to host No. 15 Texas A&M Aggies Friday The Associated Press

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Roddy Gayle Jr. is No. 3 in our Ohio State men's basketball ... The Columbus Dispatch

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Does Joe Burrow still claim Ohio State as much as the Buckeyes claim him? Buckeye Breakfast - cleveland.com
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Instant Recap: Against MSU, Kyle McCord shows he’s the best QB in the Big Ten
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If it wasn’t for special teams, it would be nothing but good vibes to discuss tonight.

On LGHL Instant Recap Pods, Land-Grant Holy Land writers break down Ohio State games just minutes after the action ends. They bring you the biggest stats, storylines, and moments of the game before the players make it back to the locker room.

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The Ohio State Buckeyes used a nearly flawless first half to blowout the Michigan State Spartans 38-3 on Saturday night. In what is unquestionably Kyle McCord’s best game as the Buckeyes’ starter, he went 24-for-31 for 335 yards and 3 touchdowns. Marvin Harrison Jr. continued to make his Heisman Trophy candidacy case with 149 yards receiving and TDs through the air and another — his first — rushing.

The OSU defense was a bit banged up without starting safeties Lathan Ransom and Josh Proctor or captain and starting linebacker Tommy Eichenberg, but — despite giving up a little bit of yardage early on — held Michigan State to just 182 yards of total offense. The Ohio State special teams continue to be a problem, but we are focusing on good vibes tonight.

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Bucketheads Podcast: The Buckeyes take down Oakland to open the season, Texas A&M looms
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What must the Buckeyes improve upon before taking on the Aggies Friday night?

“Bucketheads” is LGHL’s men’s basketball podcast, hosted by Connor Lemons and Justin Golba. Every episode, they give you the latest scoop on the Ohio State Buckeyes and everything else happening in the college hoops world.

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On this week’s episode of Bucketheads, we have real basketball to talk about and dissect. The Ohio State men’s basketball team opened its season up on Monday night against Oakland, winning a closer contest than most people expected, 79-73.

We talk about what the Buckeyes did well and what they need to improve upon. But at the end of the day, a win is a win. Now, Ohio State will turn its focus to Texas A&M on Friday night.

We preview that matchup and talk about what makes the Aggies so tough. Also, we close by talking about the five-star 2024 center that just listed Ohio State in his final four.

Be sure to like and subscribe to the podcast and leave a review of what you think of the show!

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Uncut Podcast: Chris Holtmann, Buzz Williams talk following Texas A&M’s win over Ohio State
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Visit their fantastic blog and read the full article (and so much more) here


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We also spoke with Bruce Thornton, Jamison Battle, Tyrece “Boots” Radford, and Henry Coleman.

Throughout the season, Land-Grant will be bringing you uncut audio primarily from Ohio State press conferences, but also from individual interview sessions.

Listen to the episode and subscribe: ​

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Following Texas A&M’s 73-66 win over the Buckeyes in Columbus, both head coaches, as well as select players, spoke to the media about the grindy, gritty non-conference bout.

Bruce Thornton and Jamison Battle spoke first. Thornton mentioned Ohio State’s struggles at the free throw line no fewer than five times, saying that if the Buckeyes had hit a few more, they’d have been in “a much better spot.” Battle mentioned that his team fouled a few too many times, which handed the Aggies free points.

We then spoke to Tyrece “Boots” Radford and Henry Coleman, who both scored 20+ points in the game. Radford said the game was just “two teams hooping” and going “bucket for bucket,” but that the Aggies were the team able to string a few baskets together at the end of the game and pull out the win.

Buzz Williams followed and was able to recite exactly how many rebound opportunities Ohio State had in their exhibition game against Dayton and their win over Oakland. He said he told his team he wanted “50 rebounds” and that rebounding is “woven into everything they do” at Texas A&M.

Chris Holtmann closed the press conference. He felt the rebounding issues mostly stemmed from his team’s inability to contain Radford and Wade Taylor, which caused help defense to jump the ball and not have as many people available to rebound.

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You’re Nuts: What would the funniest outcome of the Michigan sign-stealing scandal be?
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Your (almost) daily dose of good-natured, Ohio State banter.

Everybody knows that one of the best parts of being a sports fan is debating and dissecting the most (and least) important questions in the sporting world with your friends. So, we’re bringing that to the pages of LGHL with our favorite head-to-head column: You’re Nuts.

In You’re Nuts, two LGHL staff members will take differing sides of one question and argue their opinions passionately. Then, in the end, it’s up to you to determine who’s right and who’s nuts.

Today’s Question: What would the funniest outcome of the Michigan sign-stealing scandal be?​

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Jami’s Take: ​

Trust me when I say that I know in my bones Matt and I are blowing Michigan’s sign-stealing scandal out of proportion.

AND… I’m going to keep doing it.

Let’s not pretend Michigan fans would take the high road and simply drop the matter if the tables were turned. We’d be hearing about it for the next century. They’d be burning Brutus in effigy. They’d probably be marching up and down High Street in their maize and blue, calling for Ryan Day’s resignation if the Buckeyes were suspected of not just stealing signs but sending a scout out to games to do so.

Because I’m going to ride the high of this storyline as long as humanly possible, trust me when I say I have fantasized about a million possible outcomes.

Most of them—short of Harbaugh losing his job (because I don’t wish unemployment on people AND because I think he’s good for the rivalry)—are funny to me.

A Bowl ban? Hilarious. Imagine a world in which Michigan finally becomes a powerhouse team rather than one that is just this side of mediocre and they STILL have nothing to show for it because they can’t compete in major games? That’s comedy, baby.

Now, there’s a world in which a Michigan bowl ban would allow OSU to make the playoffs over Michigan even if the Wolverines won The Game. That’s ha-ha funny, but it’s not an outcome I want because first, I want to win the game, and second, I don’t want to listen to Wolverine fans tell us we only got in by default.

But by far, the funniest to me involves a lawsuit. As of Tuesday afternoon, Michigan was threatening to take the Big Ten to court if the conference punished the Wolverines prior to a full investigation.

To quickly explain the complexities here—both the Big Ten and the NCAA have the power to take action against Michigan, separately, should it be determined there were infractions. As such, both are investigating, but the NCAA investigative process moves much slower. It is unlikely, therefore, that we will see any sweeping action against Michigan this season.

The Big Ten, however, can move faster, and the conference is currently facing a lot of pressure from competing athletic directors and coaches to make some moves.

Harbaugh isn’t happy about it (and frankly, even Urban Meyer has voiced that he’s not happy about it either. It does seem there’s a lot of support for letting things play out before we rush to judgment). Michigan is threatening to take legal action if the conference acts too swiftly.

I see their point—the punishment needs to fit the crime, so without understanding the scope of any violations, it’s hard to dole out fair disciplinary actions. So far, the NCAA hasn’t shared any evidence with the conference that shows Harbaugh and his assistants knew about or authorized sign stealing.

But the idea of this going to court is better than any sitcom or even an episode of SNL when the show was in its prime. You can’t manufacture this kind of hilarity. Personally, I’d LOVE to see Judge Judy, Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti, and Jim Harbaugh face off in a televised court battle.

That’s more entertaining television than 90% of the last two football seasons!

It becomes even funnier when you think about the potential ramifications of Petitti and the conference taking action.

Big Ten bylaws allow Petitti to issue a two-game suspension and up to $10,000 in fines. So far this season, Michigan’s strength of schedule has been abysmal, but that’s set to change this Saturday when they face their first real test against Penn State.

Then they face Maryland and close the season against No. 1 Ohio State.

Assuming the conference won’t act before Saturday, Harbaugh’s two-game suspension would include The Game.

That is side-splitting.

While Harbaugh already missed three games this season after a self-imposed disciplinary action in response to unrelated infractions, none of those games had the stakes of the Ohio State game. There is a strong possibility both teams will enter that game undefeated, and a playoff spot will likely be on the line.

Harbaugh wants to be there. And frankly, his team needs him there.

Ultimately, I don’t anticipate the conference taking action that could potentially rob them of the best Rivalry Game possible (with potential National Championship ramifications), but they do have the opportunity to do the funniest possible thing and set up an off-field battle in a court of law.

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Matt’s Take: ​

In fairness to Jami, I have updated my pick here following Jim Harbaugh’s three-game suspension, but I couldn’t help but react to the absolute idiocy of the latest round of drama coming out of the sign-stealing fiasco.

Starting from today, there is still a distinct possibility that a local judge will grant a temporary restraining order that will allow Harbizzle to coach the final two games of the regular season, and while that would be funny in its own right, it’s not the funniest outcome. So, my imagined outcome involves the Mitten Men’s head coach having to seethe and watch the remaining two games from home. However, in the meantime, his team’s fans will file a class-action lawsuit against the Big Ten looking for compensation for the pain and suffering that they are having to endure because of the conference’s biased and — honestly — bigoted treat of the Crown Prince of Ann Arbor.

The suit will look to compensate each Corn and Blue fan $1 million for having to withstand three straight weeks of not being able to see their dashing savior — or his khakis — on the sideline of games. Their lawyer’s argument will be that the emotional toil that they are forced to feel from not being able to experience the comforting aura of Screech Powers’ cousin’s presence on gameday is tantamount to assault and therefore, the B1G should not only be held financially responsible, but criminally as well.

With a case of this magnitude, the Supreme Court will rule that a single sitting judge is not nearly enough to properly decide this case, and therefore, SCOTUS will assemble an Avengers-style set of magistrates, including Judge Judy, Judge Mathis, Judge Joe Brown, an AI recreation of the late Judge Wapner, Judge Mills Lane, Judge “Uncle Phil” Banks, Judge Dredd, Aaron Judge, and the chief on the panel Simon Cowell.

As one would expect, given the importance of this precedent-defining case, the judges will evaluate every argument from Tom Mars Esq. with all of the seriousness that it deserves, and — after 64 seconds of deliberation — will rule that Mars will be stripped of his license to practice law and that it is actually every single one of the plaintiffs that owes the Big Ten money.

Back to Jimbo. While the Ann Arbor Muskrats will not be substantively challenged by the Maryland Terrapins next week (they might even let “Heisman Trophy contender” J.J. McCarthy throw the ball in the second half), the same will not be the case on Nov. 25. Trailing 24-10 late in the fourth quarter, while the erstwhile head coach is screaming at his team to run the play where everybody lines up in a straight line, he will slam his glass of 2% milk down on the table, shattering it and cutting his hand, requiring dozens of stitches. He won’t need a cast, but he will ask the doctors to give him one anyway, and when he returns to the practice facility the next day, the entire team will simultaneously burst into tears and immediately form a prayer circle for their long put-upon mentor. Everyone will then sign his cast and will dot all of their i’s with hearts.

While it will take months, in the spring of 2024, the NCAA will finally make a ruling in the case, vacating 23 TTUN victors over the past 2.5 seasons and, when combined with Matt Weiss’ firing, Alex Yood’s arrest, the Shemy Schembechler fiasco, and #CheeseburgerGate, the greatest coach since Fielding Yost (and honestly, Yost couldn’t hang with Jimmy) will be hit with a failure to monitor sanction and a five-year show-cause penalty.

The only problem is, that Harbaugh won’t care at all, because he will be singularly focused on preparing for his first NFL Draft as the head coach of the Chicago Bears, having peaced-out before a consolation Rose Bowl appearance. Unfortunately for the legions of UM fans who have been absolutely deluding themselves about the reality of the situation, the program will have to endure a three-year bowl ban and, in a historic step by the NCAA, the new coaching staff will have to give every one of their opponents their into sign sheet and game plan prior to kickoff.

This will usher in a new Dark Ages for the Meerkats’ program, one that will force them to finally concede that Lance Leipold’s Michigan State Spartans are, in fact, the Wolverines’ big brothers.

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