What superhero would make the best addition to Ohio State’s football roster?
Matt Tamanini via our friends at Land-Grant Holy Land
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From now until preseason camp starts in August, Land-Grant Holy Land will be writing articles around a different theme every week. This week is all about Ohio State heroes. Whether they are the biggest names in Buckeye athletic history, or underappreciated icons; perhaps even players who made major impacts off the field. You can catch up on all of the Theme Week content here and all of our ”Buckeye Heroes” articles here.
Everybody knows that one of the best parts of being a sports fan is debating and dissecting the most (and least) important questions in the sporting world with your friends. So, we’re bringing that to the pages of LGHL with our favorite head-to-head column: You’re Nuts.
In You’re Nuts, two LGHL staff members will take differing sides of one question and argue their opinions passionately. Then, in the end, it’s up to you to determine who’s right and who’s nuts.
Today’s Question: What superhero would make the best addition to Ohio State’s football roster?
Jami’s Take: Iron Man at Tight End
With its impressive 2024 football roster—arguably one of the most talented in the country on paper—some might argue the
Ohio State Buckeyes already have a few superheroes on the squad.
With graduate transfer Will Howard taking over as quarterback, who put up decent stats at
Kansas State even without the arsenal of weapons he’ll have at his disposal as a Buckeye, some of the offensive woes should come to an end.
But it’s really the Buckeyes’ roster of skill players that sets them apart from the competition. The one area they could use a little help (and even this is just gravy) is tight end. With Cade Stover heading to the NFL to play for the
Texans next year, tight end is the one potential weakness in the Buckeyes’ offense (though don’t fret too much—the Buckeyes still have an experienced tight end in Gee Scott, Jr., a graduate student who put up decent numbers in 2023).
Still, tight end is the one position where they don’t have a
superstar. So this is where they could perhaps make use of a Superhero—in this case, Iron Man.
As a hybrid position, elite tight ends must be able to do double duty as an eligible receiver and an effective blocker for the offense. Their size can be a key factor in making them a weapon, and Iron Man has that going for him, coming in at 6’6” in the comics (the same height as legendary tight end Rob Gronkowski, for example), which would give him an advantage both in blocking and receiving.
Additionally, Iron Man’s armor is the source of superhuman strength and the ability to fly, both of which would give him the ability to blast through defensive lines (or simply fly right over them).
He possesses both the physical skills and the smart, intuitive decision-making tight ends must have in order to read and react to plays quickly, with the instincts and superpowers to catch anything that comes your way. Flying would also come into play here, as Iron Man could theoretically catch a ball even if it were off-target, giving the quarterback the option to get rid of the ball quickly under pressure and trust that Iron Man would be there to scoop it up.
Where blocking is concerned, Iron Man has another weapon in his arsenal, in addition to his strength—his energy projection ability. Imagine being a defender, trying to go up against Iron Man, and he simply blasts you with a burst of energy to keep you back. It would be hard to combat that as an average human (or even a very talented above-average human).
I don’t know that the Buckeyes need much help from a superhero on this season’s roster, but if the opportunity to recruit Iron Man presented itself, suffice it to say I wouldn’t balk at the idea.
Matt’s Take: The Fantastic Four’s The Thing at Right Guard
You know, if this question had been posed slightly differently, I would have gone with Batman, because while he wouldn’t bring nearly as much to the field as the heroes who have been injected with a super-serum, bitten by a radioactive spider, or is made nearly invincible by the rays of a yellow sun, in today’s world of college football, having a billionaire like Bruce Wayne able to funnel a shit-ton of money into NIL would be helpful.
However, the question specifically mentions the Buckeyes’ roster. So, it needs to be someone who can help as a player. And — again, unfortunately — it does need to be a super
hero, otherwise, I would be taking Thanos in a heartbeat. In addition to being absolutely massively imposing figure, imagine him as an offensive lineman leading the way for TreVeyon Henderson and Quinshon Judkins as he has the ability to literally snap his fingers to eliminate half of the opposing defense.
Alas, I have to go with a good guy. So, I am picking Ben Grimm, The Fantastic Four founding member known as The Thing. First off, he went to Empire State University on a football scholarship, so we know that he’s got the football pedigree to be a contributor for the Buckeyes. Secondly, according to Marvel,
The Thing officially measures at 6-foot, 500 pounds, although, like most athletic measurements, those appear to be less than reliable. Nonetheless, can you imagine a rock-solid, 500-pounder stepping into right guard for the Buckeyes this season?
The OSU offensive line is the most suspect part of the roster heading into this season. However, it does appear to be settled that Josh Simmons and Donovan Jackson will handle the left side with Seth McLaughlin taking over at center after transferring from Alabama. Then, at right tackle, Josh Fryar will stay there. That means that the biggest opening would be at RG, and while you probably want a guard to be taller than 6-feet, it’s tough to argue with Grimm’s build.
Also, there shouldn’t be any concern about him picking up the complicated offensive line protections in Columbus. He studied engineering while in college, was a military pilot, and eventually an astronaut. So his mental acuity wouldn’t be in question at a position that notoriously takes a while to pick up the playbook.
So, Buckeye Nation, help me in welcoming your new starting right guard, Ben “The Thing” Grimm. ”It’s clobberin’ time!”
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