Buckeneye
I lead, you follow.
Ok. So which one of you was this?
Before any of you fans from other cities think you have it worse than us, ask yourself:
1) Has your football team made it to the Super Bowl?
2) Do you have a sports franchise that won a championship (of any significance) in the last 66 years?
3) Did you cheer for a football team that moved to a different city, became a perennial contender (and won two Super Bowls), while, three years later, you received a bag of flaming shit on your door step with the words "Football Team" written on it in sharpie? Did that flaming bag of shit continue to burn for 15 years (and counting)?
4) Did the greatest basketball player of a generation make sweet championship babies with the least deserving city in the U.S., and then come crawling back to much adulation because your city is so goddamned starved for a championship that — like a man that has been in prison for several decades — it will take anything that remotely resembles what it's looking for to get the job done?
5) Has your "rival" football team beaten you 19 out of the last 21 times, the two exceptions being a 13-9 screamer played in -10 degree weather in 2009 and a 20-14 victory in which your Browns forced EIGHT TURNOVERS (3 INTs, 5 Fumbles) yet the game came down to the last possession?
6) Does your baseball team have the most racist logo in sports, but nobody gives a fuck because they haven't been relevant since the mid-1990s?
7) Did the only playmaker you've had in 25 years smoke and drink his way into what is looking more and more like a season-long suspension?
8) Has your football team played on Sunday or Monday Night Football since Barack Obama was serving as president?
Every single year I get excited about the impending Cleveland Browns season. Every single year I know I shouldn't be getting excited. Every single year I convince myself, that if EVERYTHING goes right, the Browns might go 8-8, which seems like an awfully modest goal. And every single year they go 5-11, or 4-12, miss out on the highest draft picks and lather, rinse, repeat.
On the bright side, it's going to be exciting to watch Johnny Football separate his shoulder trying to stretch a 3-yard gain into a meaningless first-down late in a game that doesn't matter because we were eliminated from playoff contention in mid-October.
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