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What's wrong with kids these days?

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Hahaha one of my favorite movies, actually. And I grew up just down US 30 from where a lot of those outdoor scenes were shot at the old Ohio Reformatory (get off the Lex-Springmill Ave. exit, right down there).

Eh, like I said, the few times I did try to stand up, I got smacked around/quickly put it in place. It never really seemed to help, just intensified the bullying for the next week or two until the next incident. Now really, most of it was verbal, but the physical instances happened often enough to reinforce the verbal assaults and the negative self-esteem images they provoked as true, which is the real damage that occurs from bullying.

It seems to me that there are two major mental issues/strings of thought that constant bullying from a young age/highly impressionable state will result in: The world is out to get me/I have no value, so I might as well not be here. Or you find a rationalization/desire to cause physical harm to the world around you (i.e. "going postal"). Being the personality that I am, I struggle heavily with the first, though no one will ever consider only one of the two. If you go back and look at instances like Columbine, not only do the kids go off on those around them, but at the end of it, they get rid of themselves as well. You won't find one without the other, I'm very sure of that. In fact, in several of the instances where I have struggled with suicidal thoughts, it would act as a way to get back at some of those who hurt me. It may not always be obvious, but I think you find not only personal and inward malcontent, but an anger at the world around them when you actually dig into instances of suicide. Personally, as someone who is not prone to outward violence or physicality in general, that outside anger drives my thoughts at times.

You know, it really is amazing what one can realize when you reflect upon yourself in reaction/regards to an outside situation.
 
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Poe McKnoe;1790792; said:
Your computer or everyone else's computers? As they say, the Internet doesn't forget. It's got a pretty far reach too.

Great first post, btw.
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The internet is a great tool and such, but in the past 12 years or so Americans have turned into slaves of the cyber world and it is not going to get any better. Ever.
 
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Bobbu;1790897; said:
The internet is a great tool and such, but in the past 12 years or so Americans have turned into slaves of the cyber world and it is not going to get any better. Ever.
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I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
 
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Buckeye513;1790909; said:
I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
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Imposter!
 
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I think a big part of the problem with parents not raising their kids disclipned enough and with schools not controlling students under their charge is that the legal system handcuffs both. You spank your kids, they call CPS and you go to jail. School paddles a kid or enforces some other sort of punishment such as detention, they get sued. The problem with schools not being allowed to take care of business is compounded when the kids have parents who don't give a fuck...at least when I went to high school almost 40 years ago we had a school system that would paddle (up through middle school), detain, and suspend/expel students with little hesitation if the situation warranted it.
 
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MililaniBuckeye;1791097; said:
I think a big part of the problem with parents not raising their kids disclipned enough and with schools not controlling students under their charge is that the legal system handcuffs both. You spank your kids, they call CPS and you go to jail. School paddles a kid or enforces some other sort of punishment such as detention, they get sued. The problem with schools not being allowed to take care of business is compounded when the kids have parents who don't give a [censored]...at least when I went to high school almost 40 years ago we had a school system that would paddle (up through middle school), detain, and suspend/expel students with little hesitation if the situation warranted it.
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We need to teach respect and kindness to others from day one. And that is not a teachable thing, it is a livable thing. Our kids see how we treat others - especially in moments of anger or in the inevitable disputes that arrive in your life. If they see their parents act like the Petkovs do, it is very hard for the kids to wind up as well adjusted persons who practice any sort of civility or compassion.

Not constantly reinforcing that basic human respect leads to situations where your kids act poorly. If all they get is a belt when they are bad - but no examples of you acting as a role model ( not "you" Mili) - we are exercising our arms but losing the bigger picture. The reason paddling is not used in schools so much is because there is always some asshole who abuses his authority due to a personal grudge or vendetta or prejudice - or who swings high on a paddling and hits someone's lumbar vertebra. People still have detention and suspensions. But they likely do not have proper parental instruction.

No disrespect to single moms meant - but I can tell a big difference in the boys in my scout troop who are from single mom families in the way that they interact and perceive things. Not having a constant male role model can have an effect, in that it is common to see those boys babied - even if unconsciously - by their moms, and I often have to have a sit down and explain that an order from an adult is not a suggestion. I think it is the result of the mom having to compromise - maybe balance is a better term - the difficult jobs of disciplinarian and the unconditional care giver role. I know, that is a stereotype, but I see a pattern that is possibly not of my own invention.
 
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As one of the younger members on the board, maybe I can give a little bit of a different perspective (although my points have all basically been made).

It all, all stems from the parents.

It can broadly be categorized as happening one of two ways--either the parents gave the kids really, really high self-esteem, or the opposite.
The first is the parents who want to make sure their kids don't get depressed. Their kids are great at everything. If he got a B, it wasn't his fault--he just has different interpretation on the material! Math just isn't his thing, when he's allowed to pick his own classes, he'll do better. She's not fat, just big-boned. It's all the other kids' faults that their soccer team sucks; they aren't cooperating with their kid enough. You all get the idea--their little boy/girl can do no wrong.

Other parents deal with things the exact opposite way. If he got a B, he should have gotten a f*cking A, what are you, an idiot? Work harder. You do better at English than math? Well, English isn't going to get you any jobs, so you had better get used to getting A's in math, buddy. You're eating like a pig, and everyone is going to think you're ugly unless you get skinnier. You're pretty terrible at soccer--you had better practice a few hours a day until you get good.

Obviously, my point is that the answer lies somewhere in the middle. I see a lot of kids whose parents seem to have some kind of "philosophy"--Oh, our kids are being babied too much today! My philosophy is that that's wrong, so I'm going to do the opposite!
Or, oh, our kids are depressed-we need to make sure that they have high self-esteem. My philosophy is that we need to make sure our kids have high self-esteem, so I'm going to make sure that mine do!

It's idiotic. There is no philosophy to parenting. Speaking as a kid: Sometimes you need to tell me to suck it up, and do better. Sometimes I can't. I see a lot, and I do mean a lot, of parents who don't seem to realize this. They want to stick with their philosophy--getting to really know their kids be damned! My kid should be able to be great at math, and if he's not, I'll make him--he needs to suck it up!

That's horrible. Some kids don't like math because they don't like working hard. Some kids don't like math because, really, they have amazing talents elsewhere, but math isn't one of those areas. Figure out which it is with your kids, and act accordingly. You're going to have to deal with your kids differently in different aspects of his/her life. So many parents don't do this, it pains me. I have so many friends who are made to believe they are absolute morons if they don't get straight A's. Guess what--these kids are trying hard, and they just can't get it. Don't make them feel like they're useless. I have as many friends who can tell their parents, "Oh, I'm no good at it" and that's it. A one-liner to explain their B-.

What I'm trying to say is, don't adopt a "philosophy" with your kids. Don't say "I'm going to do x y z and my kids will turn out great!"
I can assure you, if you do that, your kid will probably either be depressed or an asshole.

Hopefully this post made sense. Maybe I'm wrong--I only have one perspective on the issue. But I've seen the insides of plenty of households, and friends have talked (in depth) about their parents. And I think my depiction is pretty accurate. Being a good parent means spending a lot of time with your child and really getting to know him or her, and learning on the job, and doing the best you can to make sure that he or she is both happy (that's important) and strong-willed (just as important).

Failing to do so will give you a kid who is either depressed or a bully. Someone who can't back bounce from things, someone who can't cope with things, someone who is just chronically depressed, or someone who copes with their issues by overcompensating (read: being a jerk).

JMHO.
 
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paddlins.jpg
 
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This topic is one that has been on my mind for a long time. My son is a very skinny, very short kid. I can see where bullies will pick on him because he is an easy target (based on his size). I have told my son to use his best judgment depending on the situation. We have discussed things to say, whether he should ignore the person, and when he should get an adult (and when to fight back if need be).

He recently had a situation at school where a child was pushing several kids around during their football games (not as part of the game). The kid would walk up to other kids and just push them down to the ground. This bully is the same bully that my son had complained about all of last year. My son didn't want me to do anything then but this year, he asked me to talk to the teachers because when he told on the kid, nothing was ever done. I emailed all 3 of his 5th grade teachers and the principal. The principal pulled the bully and my son out from class and discussed it. The principal told the bully that if it continued then they wouldn't be allowed to play football. My son told him to cool it because nobody was going to like him if football was taken away. The problem stopped.

I think as a parent, it is our duty to make sure we keep an open line of communication with our children about all subjects. It's not always going to stop our children from being bullied but it lets the child know that you care about them and it gives them an opportunity to discuss how to handle the situation.

With that said, I’m proud of my son. He knows how to handle bullies and when to get mom to handle the situation at school. He was also very smart to make himself some very good friends that are bigger who can kick butt for him outside of school. :biggrin:
 
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Which leads me to ask: do your kids say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" when speaking to adults, or do they do like my brother's kid from California used to do......say "Huh?" or not respond because his nose was in his Gameboy?

I ask this because my kids automatically say "Sir" and "Ma'am" like good little Southern raised kids (Example: "You got that lynch knot tied right there boy?" "Yes Sir....it will hold that Socialist even if he drops ten feet." :lol:), and I notice that the practice is not so much universal anymore, and totally absent from most of my single parent kids.
 
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