I love the responses from the guys who aren't married or use BP as the release for all the comments they wouldn't dare use in front of their wives. Good stuff.
Anyway craig, sounds like the wife had this planned all along and simply transferred the blame for the expense to you. Gotta say "nicely played"! Not sure how long you've been married, but you should have seen this one coming. You got outmanuvered in this case, but don't let it happen in the future. Generally, the wife knows the husband and his motives better than the reverse scenario. Hell, we're guys, we just say what's on our mind. Even when we're trying to be coy, we are transparent. I'm sure your wife saw your "I'm not sure what frumpy is" comment for what it was. Here's what she heard you say: "Oh God, she's worried about her body and my physical attraction to her". She's got a nibble on the line. You don't even know what issue she is really concerned about. Now she wants to set the hook. Let's parade all the old clothes around and see if Criag can run the guantlet. Sorry my friend, but not ONE of us can travel that mind field unscathed. All we can think at this point is "Why, why why?", "I'll do anything to make it stop", "Let it end, whatever it takes". The hook is set and she's reeling you in.
IMHO, you were off to a good start ... evade, misdirect and feign stupidity. Yet you need at least another step in your escape plan. Better bet your wife is thinking several steps ahead. You want to be the hunter, not the prey. Regain control of the situation at all costs. Simply sidestep the trap she set, but don't let her know you saw it.
Here's a few options.
"Well honey, I think you're beautiful in a ratty old t-shirt and torn jeans. You know my fashion sense. If I were good with such things I'd probably be your hairdresser, not your husband."
"Anyway, if it concerns you, then it concerns me. I guess ...
... our children don't really need a Harvard* education, Columbus State* will do. Here's $500**, go pick out some nice things ... you deserve it."
... that long weekend trip can wait. Maybe we'll just stay a night at a bed-n-breakfast closer to home. Here's $500**, go pick out some nice things ... you deserve it."
... there will be another set as beautiful. There are tons of jewlers and they all sell diamond earrings. I can get them some other time. Here's $500**, go pick out some nice things ... you deserve it."
... I'll skip the spa package I was thinking of getting you. Here's $500**, go pick out some nice things ... you deserve it."
... they'll understand. I was thinking about flying you out to see your Mom and Dad, oh well. Here's $500**, go pick out some nice things ... you deserve it."
... your friends will always be there right? I was going to set up a girls night out for you and them because you don't get to see them as much anymore, oh well. Here's $500**, go pick out some nice things ... you deserve it."
I think you get the drift.
*In the first instance, use the schools best suited to your situation. Pick her alma mater and their rival (or some other crappy school).
**$500 is merely a number picked based on your intimate understanding of your wife. You need to know what this "pay off" number is at all times.
Now you may say "but 3yards, you're still paying for the clothes!". Damn straight skippy. There is always a cost involved, your goal is to reduce that number to acceptable levels. Additionally, you throw the guilt back to her side of the court ... where it belongs. Moreover, this money is an investment. No, not in her clothes stupid. It's an investment in YOUR future. The money is repaid on at least a 1 to 1 scale. No matter what, she is now obligated to let you spend $500 (or whatever the "pay off" number is) on the "item" of your choosing. Often this number is higher (often much higher) as she is remorseful for her ruse and duplicity. She regrets being the one to cancel one of the "surprises" you had planned just for her (the double whammy). The repayment is not simply limited to cash either.
In short, you've taken control of the situation. Limited the financial damage. Guaranteed a repayment with interest. Eliminated a need to "surprise" her with some other gift in the near future. Come away smelling like a rose. Given her a small dose of guilt and a reason NOT to set a trap for you in the future.
Of course, if you REALLY, REALLY can't afford the "pay off" number ... kick her to the curb. :)
