I'm sure there's something positively damnable about all of this, but I'm well past caring. Long story short, I'm at this hotel. The computer I'm using - a public station - has AIM on it. When you go to sign on, the program has a number of stored user names of people who have previously used this computer. Some of these people were foolish enough to enable the 'Auto Log-In' feature, which saves the user's password for ever and ever and ever. One such person was 'Softballsquirt'. I got bored, so I logged this person on, and engaged in the following conversation (commentary in italics):
It's fucking tragic I won't be there to appreciate the thick, palpable disarray that will take place when these two people next run into one another, but I'm pleased with the results as they are.
Please discuss.
Ssppyyddeerr: i thought you were going to archers house for the night??
Softballsquirt: shit naw, that place sucks a fat one.
(Had no real intention of prologing things at this point.)
Ssppyyddeerr: why??
Softballsquirt: ahhhhh i don't wanna talk about it
Ssppyyddeerr: ooo ok................
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: so what you up to tonight then??
(It's at this point I realize I'm dealing with a guy--no female of which I'm aware would choose 'Ssppyyddeerr' as a screen name. I begin flirtatious banter.)
Softballsquirt: talkin to you!!
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: did something happen to you over there??
(Still have no idea who this Archer person is--dangerous territory. I steer clear of it.)
Softballsquirt: i said i don't wanna talk about it!!!
Softballsquirt: let's talk about you
Ssppyyddeerr: why
Ssppyyddeerr: my life is boring
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: so chose something to talk about then cause i dont want to make you mad
Softballsquirt: good
Softballsquirt: make me happy
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: how can i do that??
Softballsquirt: tell me a story
Ssppyyddeerr: about what??
Softballsquirt: you
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: how come ur so interested in me??
Ssppyyddeerr: im boring
Softballsquirt: no you're not
Ssppyyddeerr: oooo ok then
Ssppyyddeerr: well what kind of story you want then??
Softballsquirt: something fun
Ssppyyddeerr: hummmmmmmmm.....................
Ssppyyddeerr: im trying to think of a fun story about me
(Long pause here.)
Ssppyyddeerr: i cant really think of anything though
(Jesus soggy shit Christ...)
Softballsquirt: awww come on
Softballsquirt: what did you do today?
Ssppyyddeerr: um......
Ssppyyddeerr: i woke up
Ssppyyddeerr: fought with my mom
Ssppyyddeerr: went back to be
Ssppyyddeerr: went to taco bell
Ssppyyddeerr: and have been talking to people on here all day
Softballsquirt: what did you fight with your mom about?
Ssppyyddeerr: about what happened yesterday
(Initially thought this was some kind of test...turns out I overestimated him. Never figured out what happened yesterday, unfortunately.)
Softballsquirt: how did that go
Ssppyyddeerr: good
Softballsquirt: haha
Ssppyyddeerr: me and my dad argued with her and she stopped
Ssppyyddeerr: what you do all day??
Softballsquirt: thought about you :P
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: nice
Ssppyyddeerr: im sure you did
Softballsquirt: is that bad?
Ssppyyddeerr: idk
Softballsquirt: :(
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Softballsquirt: you shouldnt fight w/ your mom, tho
Ssppyyddeerr: yeah i know
Ssppyyddeerr: she yells about everything though
Softballsquirt: what was she sayin about yesterady?
Ssppyyddeerr: telling me to just stop getting so mad
Ssppyyddeerr: how long you been home from archers??
(Leave it alone, prickface.)
Softballsquirt: not long
Ssppyyddeerr: oo thats cool
Ssppyyddeerr: u sure you dont want to talk about it??
Ssppyyddeerr: im sure i can make you feel better
(Ugh.)
Softballsquirt: oh you think so, huh?
Ssppyyddeerr: yeah
Ssppyyddeerr: im good at cheering people up
Ssppyyddeerr: im just not good at cheering myself up
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Softballsquirt: well maybe we could cheer eachother up. ))
Ssppyyddeerr: actually im fine right now
Ssppyyddeerr: so ill try what i can to cheer you up
Ssppyyddeerr: so explain now
Softballsquirt: she just makes me feel like shit sometimes i don't want to gossip it's just the things she says
Ssppyyddeerr: archer??
(Woops.)
Softballsquirt: i know crazy
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: was there a lot of people there??
Softballsquirt: tons
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: was she having like a sleep over or something??
Softballsquirt: uh huh
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: people you dont like there??
Softballsquirt: well.....you werent there.
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: wasnt it only girls going??
Softballsquirt: yeah they just get catty and piss me off sometimes
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: true
Ssppyyddeerr: i dont like being around a bunch of guys all the time
Softballsquirt: well we should hang out then
Ssppyyddeerr: they eventually end up pissing you off
Ssppyyddeerr: yeah....
Ssppyyddeerr: i cant do anything
Ssppyyddeerr: my mom is being so gay
Ssppyyddeerr: she seriously wont let me leave at all
Softballsquirt: what about tomorrow
Ssppyyddeerr: all weekend
Ssppyyddeerr: she wouldnt even let me pick up matt
Ssppyyddeerr: thats how gay she is being
Softballsquirt: that sucks i would love to hang out, too
Ssppyyddeerr: i know
Ssppyyddeerr: i havent been to ur house to bug you and ur sister in a long long time
Ssppyyddeerr: but dont feel bad i dont hang out with anyone anymore
Softballsquirt: i know i miss it
Softballsquirt: awww
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: no its cool
Ssppyyddeerr: i mostly chose not to hang out with them
Softballsquirt: well i miss you anyways
Ssppyyddeerr: thanks
(I am beginning to tire of the conversation now.)
Softballsquirt: can i ask u a question?
Ssppyyddeerr: yup
Softballsquirt: what do you think about me?
Ssppyyddeerr: what you mean??
Softballsquirt: i dunno do you like me?
Ssppyyddeerr: not in that kind of way
(Damn it.)
Ssppyyddeerr: like ur a really super nice girl...and ur funny...and ur a really pretty girl too...its just like u know im always gonna care for megan and its like i cant do anything to hurt her
(Check that--awesome.)
Ssppyyddeerr: my feelings for her are way to strong
Ssppyyddeerr: ya know??
Softballsquirt: i guess.....
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: dont be mad at me
Softballsquirt: i mean i know
Softballsquirt: i'm not
Ssppyyddeerr: ok
Softballsquirt: i would just like it if we could hang out more
Ssppyyddeerr: besides you dont want someone who is an asshole like me anyways
Softballsquirt: whatever
Softballsquirt: haha
Ssppyyddeerr: im serious
Ssppyyddeerr: u really dont understand
Ssppyyddeerr: ask megan im a huge asshole
Ssppyyddeerr: im nothing but trouble trust me
Softballsquirt: well maybe you should get into a little trouble then
Ssppyyddeerr: u dont need me in ur life cause everytime i get close to someone i just end up messing up there life and hurting them
Softballsquirt: what about megan?
Ssppyyddeerr: yeah
Ssppyyddeerr: i messed up her life and ended up hurting her
Softballsquirt: but you tried
Ssppyyddeerr: thats why she doesnt want me in her life hardly at all
Ssppyyddeerr: and i dont blame her at all either
Ssppyyddeerr: i never can and i never will blame her
Softballsquirt: but at least you tried to make it work!!
Softballsquirt: you never know if it's gona work unless you try
Ssppyyddeerr: true
Ssppyyddeerr: and im not done trying either though
Softballsquirt: with her
Ssppyyddeerr: yeah
Softballsquirt: maybe if you just tried some new things you would realize that ur not an asshole and that you're not gonna hurt everybody
Ssppyyddeerr: yeah but honestly im not ready to try anything new
Softballsquirt: i'm not talking marriage lol
Ssppyyddeerr: i know
Ssppyyddeerr: but like honestly im just not ready to go out with other girls because im never gonna truly care about them
Ssppyyddeerr: my feelings are with megan
Ssppyyddeerr: i mean she was my first real love
(I threw up a little in my mouth here.)
Ssppyyddeerr: and until i stop trying for her im never gonna be comfortable with trying other things
Softballsquirt: i could help make you comfortable.......
Ssppyyddeerr: i mean i have no problem with hanging out with other girls but like im never gonna be more than friends with them
Softballsquirt: well lets just hang out then
Ssppyyddeerr: thats fine but like i said its gonna be a while
Softballsquirt: i can be pretty persuasive, but ok
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: im talking about because of my mom
Softballsquirt: ohhhh haha
Softballsquirt: even if i said i wanted to see you tonight...???
Ssppyyddeerr: yup
Ssppyyddeerr: she wont let me do anything
Ssppyyddeerr: i've tried EVERYTHING
Ssppyyddeerr: trust me
Softballsquirt: allright......
Softballsquirt: well i'm gonna see you soon anyways....right?
Softballsquirt: ???
Ssppyyddeerr: i can try
Softballsquirt: yayyyy!!!
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Softballsquirt: i can die a happy girl
Softballsquirt: alright i'm super tired
Ssppyyddeerr: kk
Softballsquirt: i'm glad we talked tho
Softballsquirt: ur right, ur good at cheering ppl up.
Ssppyyddeerr: i know
Ssppyyddeerr: thats why people come to me
Softballsquirt: i like coming to you
(I hope he got that.)
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Ssppyyddeerr: thats good
Softballsquirt: haha j/k not really
Ssppyyddeerr: lol
Softballsquirt: alright i'll see you soon, okay?
Ssppyyddeerr: yup
Softballsquirt: later, babe
Ssppyyddeerr: later
Softballsquirt: xoxo
It's fucking tragic I won't be there to appreciate the thick, palpable disarray that will take place when these two people next run into one another, but I'm pleased with the results as they are.
Please discuss.
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