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Seeking Advice

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buckeyegrad

buckeyegrad

Don't Immanentize the Eschaton
This certainly has been a crappy week for me and I am looking for advice as to what I should do.

As many of you know (Thump claims I talk about it constantly), I am engaged. The wedding is only five weeks away and I have been looking forward to it with great excitement. As my fiancee and I are very traditional and religious, we decided to wait until we were married to live together. More than anything else, I have been looking forward to this change. As many of you know as well, I moved to the Cleveland area back in late August to start setting up our home and new lives.

The problem begins with my fiancee hating her job in commercial banking, primarily because they are trying to force her out of the department were she works. Their latest attempt to force her to leave is to have her transferred out of the main, downtown office to one of the suburban, satellite offices. Her work will also be reviewed by her supervisor every Friday. You can see the stress is taking a toll on her and she needs to get out the place for no other reason than her physical and emotional well being.

The problem with finding another job right now is that we will likely be moving out of Ohio in July for me to start doctoral work (we are about 90% sure I will be going to school in another state because although I applied to Kent State, I would only go there out of desperation to get into a program). This of course makes it difficult for my fiancee to find another job as she could only stay with it for 6 months. She cannot see herself toughing it out at her current job either until we move. Again, from the physical and emotional toll it is taking on her, I believe it.

Now here comes the kick in the stomach. My fiancee's father is trying to get her a job in Columbus that pays $10,000 more a year with the same bank she works for now, but in a different department and line of work. Her dad can probably do this as he is a senior executive VP with the bank. My future in-laws also said she could stay at their condo in Columbus for free. This of course would mean that she would be working and living in Columbus during the week while I was stuck here in Cleveland, and we would only see each other on the weekends. In addition, I have no family in the Cleveland area except my soon-to-be in-laws, all of my friends are still in the Columbus area, and I am apathetic to my job...I have no reason to be in Cleveland except her!

I know this arrangement would only last for 5-6 months until we moved in July and the extra money would be great as we hope to buy a condo when we move; but as this is the beginning of our marriage I am miserable at the thought of not living together and would rather have less income coming in despite the financial hardships we would confront. As I told my fiancee, it wouldn't even seem like we were married because the only thing different from our lives now is that I would have a ring on my finger.

You guys have any advice for this one? :(
 
Move to Columbus. If you can't, and I'm guessing you can't, from your post, then move to Mansfield. You'll each have an hour commute, and if you live in the suburbs of either Ctown or Cbus, you have almost an hour commute anyways. She'll have to give up the free rent in her relatives condo, but I grew up in Mansfield, and the cost of living there is cheap as hell - especially real estate. You can rent a nice two bedroom place for probably $500 a month, or even a house for a little more. Or maybe even the same.
 
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First off, I hear that you guys didn't put enough postage on your invites! I knew it wasn't my Nazi mail carrier!


But on a more serious note, Starting your marriage off separate is one of the worst things you can do. It's not worth the $10,000 to live separate. Those first few months of marriage are the most important. That's when you learn the quirks of your partner. Even though you may have stayed at your fiancee's house a lot, living with them is a different thing.

You'll find out small things you do that annoy her (Eg. Leaving the toilet seat up etc...) and likewise the other way around. You need to start your relationship out living together. Having a healthy relationship is more important than any amount of money, and you know me personally grad and know where I'm coming from here.

You and your fiancee are two very bright people and I'm sure you'll manage for a few months until you start grad school. Maybe you could move to C-Bus and work at a book store or substitute teach for a few months. The money will always be there.

Give me a buzz if you want to talk about it man.

Remember this , you guys will make it just fine. It may be a little rough getting there but you'll be better off in the long run for it.
 
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Options as I see them (in order I would prefer):

1. She quits her current job and tries to find part-time or temporary work for the next 5-6 months. After all, she will need to start looking for a new, full-time job in April once we know where we will be moving to for school.

2. She takes the job in Columbus and we are miserable for 5-6 months.

3. I move back to Columbus to find part-time or temporary work for 5-6 months. Problem with this is I just moved 4 1/2 monts ago and do not want to incure the costs of moving everything and breaking the lease again, only to move again in 5-6 months.

4. She stays with her current job, but risks her physical and mental health (not really an option).

If there are other options, I can't see them.
 
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Thump said:
First off, I hear that you guys didn't put enough postage on your invites! I knew it wasn't my Nazi mail carrier!
Click to expand...
Now how the hell are you going to afford making 10,000 dollars less if you can't afford the mail out your wedding invitations right?

Seriously, I agree with all that Thump said here grad. I've known you for over 10 years now. I know how good you are with money and managing it, the two of you could find a way to make it work. Hell , working somewhere like a bookstore or something else like that where you won't have to do nearly as much work as you do now may be a nice break for you before you go start your doctoral program. Plus it will give you and her much more time together have you already have said and know that the doctoral program will be allot of stress on you.

And think of this, if you move back to Columbus right after the wedding, no being surrounded by cleveland sports fans as baseball season starts. That should be worth the 10,000 dollars in lost income right there. :biggrin:
 
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See , this would be a whole lot easier if you were a heathen like me... She could get her banking job... (I'm in the market by the way... so if dad in law is handing them out... let me know)... you could hang in the condo and drink cocktails and watch Sally Jesse Raphael in the morning and hit the links in the afternoon...
 
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Thump said:
First off, I hear that you guys didn't put enough postage on your invites! I knew it wasn't my Nazi mail carrier!
Click to expand...
It's true that I we didn't place enough postage...it never even crossed our minds that the 37 cent stamp wouldn't cover it. However, it seems that every other person, but one, has received their invitation despite the incorrect postage...so your mail carrier is still a Nazi.

You guys are giving good advice. Despite the headache of having to move three times in one year, perhaps I do need to go back to Columbus and take 1-2 part-time jobs. After all, there is no future here at my current one. And going to Taco Bell once a week with Thump and Buckeyefool to bullshit like we used to would be nice. Substitute teaching while working part-time at a Barnes & Noble doesn't sound that bad for only a few months.....
 
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Hmmm.... Tough situation. My wife and I lived pretty far apart (Ohio and Delaware) while we were dating, but she moved out here soon after we got engaged. So, I know how it is being apart- but doing it while married would probably suck even worse...

I'd say the easy answer is to move to Columbus, even if you need to break a lease and load a U-Haul again. A $10,000 increase is pretty sweet, and it will far outweigh what you'll lose breaking a lease. But, if you're going to leave Ohio in 6 months, can she still get the job?

Good luck, grad. The situation may suck for a while, but if you're really solid together (sounds like you are) then you'll figure it out and make it work out for the best.
 
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buckeyegrad said:
This certainly has been a crappy week for me and I am looking for advice as to what I should do.

As many of you know (Thump claims I talk about it constantly), I am engaged. The wedding is only five weeks away and I have been looking forward to it with great excitement. As my fiancee and I are very traditional and religious, we decided to wait until we were married to live together. More than anything else, I have been looking forward to this change. As many of you know as well, I moved to the Cleveland area back in late August to start setting up our home and new lives.

The problem begins with my fiancee hating her job in commercial banking, primarily because they are trying to force her out of the department were she works. Their latest attempt to force her to leave is to have her transferred out of the main, downtown office to one of the suburban, satellite offices. Her work will also be reviewed by her supervisor every Friday. You can see the stress is taking a toll on her and she needs to get out the place for no other reason than her physical and emotional well being.

The problem with finding another job right now is that we will likely be moving out of Ohio in July for me to start doctoral work (we are about 90% sure I will be going to school in another state because although I applied to Kent State, I would only go there out of desperation to get into a program). This of course makes it difficult for my fiancee to find another job as she could only stay with it for 6 months. She cannot see herself toughing it out at her current job either until we move. Again, from the physical and emotional toll it is taking on her, I believe it.

Now here comes the kick in the stomach. My fiancee's father is trying to get her a job in Columbus that pays $10,000 more a year with the same bank she works for now, but in a different department and line of work. Her dad can probably do this as he is a senior executive VP with the bank. My future in-laws also said she could stay at their condo in Columbus for free. This of course would mean that she would be working and living in Columbus during the week while I was stuck here in Cleveland, and we would only see each other on the weekends. In addition, I have no family in the Cleveland area except my soon-to-be in-laws, all of my friends are still in the Columbus area, and I am apathetic to my job...I have no reason to be in Cleveland except her!

I know this arrangement would only last for 5-6 months until we moved in July and the extra money would be great as we hope to buy a condo when we move; but as this is the beginning of our marriage I am miserable at the thought of not living together and would rather have less income coming in despite the financial hardships we would confront. As I told my fiancee, it wouldn't even seem like we were married because the only thing different from our lives now is that I would have a ring on my finger.

You guys have any advice for this one? :(
Click to expand...


So let me get this straight...

You will only see your wife on the weekends????


Wanna trade????


OK, seriously...

You guys should bite the bullet now and be together. I couldn't imagine getting back from my honeymoon just to say goodbye.
 
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buckeyegrad said:
It's true that I we didn't place enough postage...it never even crossed our minds that the 37 cent stamp wouldn't cover it. However, it seems that every other person, but one, has received their invitation despite the incorrect postage...so your mail carrier is still a Nazi.

You guys are giving good advice. Despite the headache of having to move three times in one year, perhaps I do need to go back to Columbus and take 1-2 part-time jobs. After all, there is no future here at my current one. And going to Taco Bell once a week with Thump and Buckeyefool to bullshit like we used to would be nice. Substitute teaching while working part-time at a Barnes & Noble doesn't sound that bad for only a few months.....
Click to expand...
buckeyefool said you had a few mailed back to you!!

I can't believe of all people, that you didn't get those bitches weighed before you put postage on them!! I'd never received an invite as nice and "heavy" as that one.

Anyhoo, buckeyefool brings up a great point, it may be a nice break to work at a mind-numbing job for a bit before you get into the rigors of PhD work.

I think you would enjoy working at like a Barnes and Nobles and maybe subbing on the side. You have too much to offer someone to not get a job.

The first few months of marriage should be a blast.

This is all you need to make your decision, if you live in separate towns for 6 months that means you're only getting laid on the weekends!!

AKAKBUCK said:
You guys bullshit at taco Bell?










Gay.
Click to expand...
You have a Falco song title under your moniker: GAY!!
 
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